Really Struggling, newly single

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This topic contains 35 replies, has 22 voices, and was last updated by  welshdad 2 months, 4 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 36 total)
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  • #19299 Report

    Caz8
    Participant

    Hi everyone.

    Is there anyone that is going through separation right now?

    My partner left me a week and half before Xmas. We have twins aged 3. He is still in the house at the moment. I love him so much, but I’m struggling to be around him. I know why he has left, but it doesn’t make it any easier. We just grew apart.

    I go to sleep and wake up with dread for what today brings. I’m scared of him leaving the house, I’m scared of being on my own, of being lonely, to start everything again, to bring our babies up on my own. I have always dreamt of having my own family and now it’s all ripped apart.

    I know I need to focus on my babies and I am looking after them obviously, I’m just struggling with all these horrible emotions. I’m on anxiety tablets. I still love him. It hurts so much.

    I know I need time, but how can I deal with this now and be strong? (Focussing on kids aside) I can’t handle this  I’m heartbroken

    Xx

    #19300 Report

    Brube70
    Participant

    Hi

    this has just happened so these are all normal things you are feeling. A break up is tough and the first few weeks/months are the worst but all I can tell you is it will get easier with time.

    Have you got a network of friends who you can talk to?  Have you thought about counselling?

     

    #19301 Report

    Missykins
    Participant

    I’m sorry this has happened to you,

    I’m a single parent to a 2 &3 year old, we separated last April but things hadn’t been good since we had children.  I’m still heartbroken and cry a lot, I can’t cope with hi much my life hinged.  I ended it and moved me and my girls away for our own sanity, but doesn’t mean I don’t still love him.  He took no time filing for divorce and its due to complete, he made me a terrible husband and really let me down.

    i also take tablets for depression and anxiety, it’s painful time be kind to yourself.  I know things will get easier but it’s still very raw for me.

    im happy to message with you

    #19307 Report

    Caz8
    Participant

    Hi Brube70.

    Thank you for your message.

    I feel so lost at the moment. I can’t see a way out. I love him so much. I didn’t realise how much which is what got us into this situation I guess.

    I have told a couple of friends. One only recently and she has been supporting me. My other friend I told I feel hasn’t judged me. And when the rest of the girls know in this same group, they will judge as well I think. I have friends but not really many I can really talk to. I thought I did.

    As for counselling, I am going counselling for something else on Thursday so hopefully they can shed some light for me on this split too.

    I just don’t know how to focus. I’m on tablets for severe anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t want to depend on them but I don’t know what else to do.

    #19308 Report

    Caz8
    Participant

    Hi Missykins

    Thank you too for your message.

    I’m so sorry to hear your story too. It’s so horrible. I don’t know how to get over it. I don’t want all these feelings to last for years. But I know they will. I want to be able to move on but how can I do that. I will always love him.

    I need time but I’m so scared of the future for everything.  I need to concentrate on the here and now but I can’t because every little thing is on my mind.

    Thank you Hun that would be great

    #19314 Report

    tazhien456
    Participant

    It’s good to know that we are all in this together.   I became pregnant and decided to keep the baby but it seems that we, as a couple are not working out. I have tried, but we are completely different (values, culture). I am afraid that the child will be a victim of those differences and I do not want to raise my baby in that kind of environment. I’ve always longed to have a nurturing and loving family like my parents and it’s frustrating to know that I am caught up in this situation. I have doubts of moving in together and being with this person for the rest of my life. I have worked so hard and being in this situation drags me down like no other.

    #19316 Report

    Alan1
    Participant

    Hi Caz8

    I am in a really similar situation and feel like I am struggling too.

    i am heartbroken and can’t see anything I look foraward to apart from my two kids.

    Does anyone reading this I know if there are any meet up groups in Essex as I feel meeting people face to face would really help me?

     

    #19407 Report

    Caz8
    Participant

    Hi Tazhien456

    i agree, it is really reassuring that we are all in this together for support.

    Oh I’m so sorry to hear your story.

    The stress you must be under with the little one.

    If you have doubts now, then don’t do it. We need to think of our children, they are the main thing right now and moving forward.

    I would like to give “advice” or try and help but I’m not even in the frame of mind to help you myself atm.

    I’m here if you need to talk though.

    #19408 Report

    Caz8
    Participant

    Hi Alan1

    it’s such a terrible feeling isn’t it. You go to sleep and that’s when you are relaxed, then when you wake up, it hurts so much.

    I feel the exact same about not seeing any way forward. I been told it takes time and I will get there, but none of that is helping.

    I am new to this page, only been on since yesterday and this was quite a big step for me to do, so if I’m honest I haven’t even checked out any groups or meeting face to face with people yet. I am also from Essex.

    I’m here if you need to talk though

    #19430 Report

    JudithC
    Participant

    I remember the pain and heartbreak when my ex decided that was that. Our children were 6 and 3 at the time. I had panic attacks and pain with me for some time. I started having counselling to help me for a few years and how to deal with my ex and my feelings.

    Time does help but getting support from your network is so important. Look after yourself. Ask for help.

    #19749 Report

    MumT1627
    Participant

    Hi caz8,

    I’m new to this site, I was reading a few posts and kept thinking of yours. I’m in a similar situation, going through a separation with 2 young children. I still love my husband and he is still living here. It’s only been a week so far and I just don’t know what is going to happen going forward. I have always wanted a family, and this is not what I ever wanted – I feel like its out of my control.

    I don’t have any answers I’m afraid but I do have an understanding of how hard it is so if you wanted to message to share emotions or get things off your chest then im happy to help where I can xx

    #19753 Report

    IRMoore
    Participant

    Hi

    I am going through the same thing, I have a 2 year old and a few weeks back my husband told me it was over.

    I am currently finishing my NHS degree and had been under a lot of stress so we were arguing a lot more but I felt he had changed in himself anyway. He is staying in the house whilst I finish my final placement and then he will move out.

    I feel lost and scared, we tried for 5 years to have a baby and we finally seemed to nearly have it all and he has ripped my entire future away from me. I begged for marriage counselling but he has refused and admitted to messaging a woman from his job.

    I can’t eat (I’ve lost a stone in 2 weeks), I can’t sleep and I can’t concentrate on looking after my toddler. I’ve been put on beta blockers to calm my nerves but they don’t take the pain away.

    I am frightened that Noone will ever want to be with a single mum in her 30’s…my husband and I were together for 16 years from our midteens, so my identity is so wrapped with his. I haven’t dated since I was 16 but I don’t want to be lonely.

    I just feel like I need help and its a never ending nightmare.

    #19755 Report

    Westernchampion
    Participant

    Dear IRMoore,

    I can relate to a lot of what you said and are going through. I’m a single Dad not by choice and it’s a struggle but I just want to be the best I can. Have you been on this forum long? I’ve found it very helpful and to chat to other people to try and get just a small amount of peace. Happy to chat to you on here or DM anytime.

     

     

    #19756 Report

    IRMoore
    Participant

    Thank you Westernchampion. I only joined yesterday as I felt it’d help to talk to people going through the same (or hopefully have been through it and now live a fulfilled life).

    #19760 Report

    Westernchampion
    Participant

    You are welcome. We’ll help you through together as much as we can.

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