PSA or do my kids hate me?

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    Dongo
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    Am a 34 father with three kids

    my two older kids are with a toxic women

     

    its been over ten years of a struggle gettin to see my older two.its got to a point where I see no way out , I feel like am losing ma kids .

     

    my first episode of this parental toruture was being locked outside while I was at my daughters thrid birthday party. It’s seem to be that start, I remember being at that door like this is low. As a parent it can’t get worse than this , but 9 years laters the constant struggle of access and the abuse and alienation from the mother has just increased by time.

     

    am so confused now. Are my kids being alienated or are they genuinely not wanting to see me.

    my older two are a son and daughter. After 5 years of spitting from there mother I had ma youngest daughter.

    I feel the older kids mother still loves me and with me having another kid it just made her worse in toxicity.

     

    i always got to see my youngest there was no issues , and I can obviously see that my older two could of got jealous of that and was a wedge there mother could use.

    so I still see them on and off over all these years. Abusive texts message and treats off violence to my mother(one time when my mother had my kids) it became the norm.
    it became a real struggle .any good time I had with them after I dropped them off it would be sucked out with paragraphs Of just hate , any sort of argument . Like my son never brushed his teeth one night , and that wiz the abuse I got

    the next day fur it .

    constant shit like this over the years had drained the shit out me.

    ivw started to work abroad a lot now, and ano that’s not made things better for the relationship I can admit that, I do run away from my problems.how I see it is I can’t rwLly be a big influence on them because anything I do and say gets twisted and spat back at me with venom.

     

    i took all ma three kids to Disneyland that September 2019. And even that I had to beg for ma kids to be allowed, so draining I just want to be able to see ma kids without the hassle, it’s been over 10 years from us splitting surely she can move on

     

    now my older two kids are saying they never want to see me again. I don’t no what to think anymore

    is there mother puttin words in there mouth or do the genuine feel this towards me

    mayvw for working away and having another daughter

    I’ve got to the point I can’t take more of this abuse . I want the best for my kids but I feel near that women there doomed. The only way I think this can be settled is take a step back and wait till there 16 when they can make there own mind up without threes mother hovering over them .

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