Proof I am lead Parent???

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  • #22138 Report


    Hi All,

    I imagine there are several who have been in this ( well at least something like) situation and I could really use a leg up here.

    I am recently divorced after 17 years of marriage. We had one daughter now aged 17.

    When she was born it was mutually agreed that I would be the stay at home parent and my spouse would work. It worked fine as they were paid a very good salary and financially there were no issues. I claimed child benefits and this was never an issue. The monies were paid into a joint account.

    I came out well from the divorce with a majority of equity and a decent lump of pension though at present we BOTH still live in the family home as neither can afford to move out until our current home is sold.

    We had a verbal agreement that my ex and I would both pay 50% towards anything our daughter needed, something that my spouse has since refused to do.

    I had a chat with the CMS who said I had a case, contacted my ex and then informed me it was very tricky us both living in the same home ( which i kind of get) We have a court order demanding that we both pay an equal percentage of out monthly salary ( i restarted work in october) into an account to cover bills etc. The Child benefit is also paid into the same account.

    So I tried to change the account where the CB is paid to that of my daughter based on the fact the money is for her, and was told that my ex had now applied for benefit as they are the primary carer/lead parent. I am not sure when this was done, but it was certainly done AFTER the CMS were in touch.

    So all benefits are now stopped pending that we other have to fill in some forms. I cant find any of these forms online ( I like to be a little prepared) and neither do I have any idea as to what Proof i have to supply.

    I am down as emergency contact at the DR , dentist and school, oh and I had to call the police a short while ago as my ex was physically abusive to my daughter whilst i was out. The police made them leave for the house for the evening as my daughter did not want to press charges. This is registered by way of a case number both with the police and the Social services department.

    The question is, what do i have to prove in order to remain primary carr or Lead parent and how likely is it that my ex can suddenly start getting benefits instead of me. The CMS say if they become lead paraent then I could be liable for maintenance. I have played fair the entire divorce and the system seems to work against me.

    Please help.


    #22140 Report



    when I had to proove this all I did was say when I had the children from what times on what days so what time they left my care and what time they were back in my care but I guess this will be harder for you living with him. To be able to claim it he has to have 50/50 care.



    #22141 Report


    Hi Paulapmk

    My thoughts are that surely they will smell a rat that after I started the case with the CMS  he claimed to be lead parent meaning that i would be the one to pay?

    I imagine they can ask for case details from the Police and the Social services in regard to the abuse? I never made it clear but I am the father in this relationship not the mother, so its a very strange situation.
    That we live in the same house is obviously very strange but my income is low after 18 years out of the working world other than a few hours part time over the years, so my mortgage capacity is very low.
    Her capacity is much higher and in all honesty she could afford to take a mortgage out right away. Issue is that she flat out refuses to move until the house is sold.

    What forms did you have to fill in to provide ” proof” the CH2A for reconsideration of a decision?  I dont even known when she made the application but surely as the person receiving the benefits now I would be informed she had applied to take it over, right?

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