Project – Please Help :)
28 January 2019 at 7:39 pm #20084
My name is Cassian and I am the son and only child of a single mother who has raised me by herself my whole life. We have never had the support financially or emotionally from my father and to be honest, I would have it no other way. To be in a relationship where I receive and give all love to and from one woman has shaped me into the person I am today, and the involvement of my father would have had definite negative effects on my upbringing. My mother has done a better job than I could ever imagine and I am now 21 studying photography at Kingston university. I am currently undergoing a project in which I aim to challenge the negative stigmas placed on single parents by politicians and in general the views which are associated with you amazing parents. You do better than anyone, and although often it may feel like you are in a deep pit of despair, just know one day your child/children will grow up to realise the amazing job you’ve done.
Now, I need all of your help – comment and let me know the amazing stories and the positive, happy memories which break the barriers of loneliness and any other feelings which hurt, to change the way society views single parent families. Anything will be greatly appreciated – memories, experiences – good/bad (ugly), any time anyones been rude or off about your situation. Literally anything that you guys can come up with would be so helpful.
Keep battling on trough and just take each day as it comes. You’re doing it for them and they couldn’t ask for more.
Cassian x28 January 2019 at 8:38 pm #20089
HI Cassian, what a lovely post to read , I hope my children feel the same way about me when they get older .x Single parenting is tough because people don’t understand how difficult it is being alone , I have been asked to wait outside a pharmacy because I could not control my children running around, I was very ill that day and had been up most of the night and still had an essay to finish, and responsibilities to look after the children, many times I have shouted in public places because I am so exhausted and 3 of my children are playing up and I have got terrible looks and tuts ! One time I can remember- before I learned to drive , I was struggling with heavy shopping bags and was saving my money so didn’t get a taxi, my youngest child was a toddler and wouldn’t walk anymore , I tried carrying him for a bit and carrying the bags and when I would put him down he would run off and I would get mad at him, it got to the point were he didn’t want to walk or get picked up, he just wanted to scream and cry and kick at me , a couple walked past and the woman was laughing , I was so confused , did she think this was funny for me? I shouted at her “what the hell are you laughing at?” and she just walked on, Another time in a store , one of my children was running up an escalator and the other one was coming down, this went on for a few minutes …. and the disgusting looks nd whispers that I got from the store colleagues was terrible! They didn’t intervene at all! no help at all! But why should they , hey ?another time , my toddler who would not wear reigns or go in the pushchair or hold my hand on this particular day ran out across a zebra crossing but a car hadn’t seen him , it was quick but I got the biggest telling off ! She didn’t know how exhausted I was!but did that give her the right to say I shouldn’t have children! People need to help single people who are struggling instead of knocking them down ! <span style=”display: inline !important; float: none; background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,’Times New Roman’,’Bitstream Charter’,Times,serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 24px; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;”>this was another reminder of the tiny glimpses people get and the assumptions they make. Do they know I don’t get a break? Do they know I don’t get any me time? Do they know my horrific past and the battles I have overcome in my life just to give these children a better upbringing than I had? </span> and for people to say that a person chooses to be a single parent is something I have read and have heard frequently in the past and is another reminder of unempathetic society can be . This unempathetic, unsupportive culture needs to change !To put a positive spin on this , having children saved my life, before my first was born at 17-years-old, I was mentally ill and hooked on drugs- partially because of my upbringing . I now don’t smoke , drink alcohol nor take drugs because they motivated me to change. I hope I have helped in some way Cassian.x29 January 2019 at 5:43 pm #20232
Hi Cassian, nice to hear from you. My only issue is I get fed up with all the stereotyping but lazy people do love it don’t they.
As a single parent I have always worked full time, no local family support as my parents are dead. As well as being a single parent I am also a net contributor to GDP, I’ve bought my own home, and have raised my son to be a decent, kind, well educated person so far.
I am not on any benefits, I don’t smoke, drink, vape, have tattoos or let my child harass the neighbours. He does his homework, goes to swimming lessons, practices karate.
In other words we are a nice completely NORMAL family, not a drain on society. There just happens to be two of us, rather than three or four. And that’s just like almost all the single parents I know. And like your mum I suspect.
i have encountered bigotry at work and among public sector workers who frankly should know better. So anything you can do to educate the ill-Informed would be great. 😊30 January 2019 at 1:00 am #20246
What a great idea for a project! So firstly I’d like to steer clear of any judgment about a person’s situation, none of us can ever be the other or know the others’ situation, but we can get to know ourselves. And boy does that happen, I can truly say I have been to the edges and met myself face to face after separating from my partner. The roles we created as parents were horrifying and damaging and in desperate need of change. But now we get to be our authentic selves, yes it’s really stressful at times, but the kids get the real us, the person, not just that name we’re called a thousand times a day. We have no choice but to get our acts together, no one left to bicker with over who’s doing what because whoever’s day it is, it will be done by 1 person. Single parents are under enormous pressures that are very disconnected from society, we run out of energy (fast), creative ideas, patience, kindness, love, the list is endless – but I figured out how to get this superpower back when I started to take care of myself. A strange thing happened called letting go, and trusting that the day will bring the things I need to get through, because I have treated myself with love and care first. So most days I would rock up to my local park, with a baby that needed feeding, a 2 year old and a 3 year old, because at least it had fencing all the way round and the others couldn’t escape while I nursed the baby. It took me a while to let go and trust that nothing would go wrong and the more I trusted and relaxed, the more approachable and helpful other people were. I found when I was open to interacting with other people’s kids, treating them with as much care as my own, other parents then did the same for me. Being a single parent has helped me to get to know myself separate from the kids. I feel privileged to get that time in the evening or sometimes in the morning before everyone is awake, I get to do whatever I like, writing, drawing, dancing, reading, sloooowly drinking coffee, and I don’t want to waste a drop of it because it is so precious. Showing the kids who I am has made me a way more dynamic parent, and I can share some of what I do with them without judgement and they get to have those connections and sharings I didn’t have.
Love, kindness, respect and patience is a two way street, give it to yourself first, so that it radiates out of you, and gives back what you need.
P.S. YOU’RE DOING GREAT!!!31 January 2019 at 9:45 pm #20380
I am a hard working single mum with a little girl. I stopped working when I was on maternity leave and have always had a job
<span style=”font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5;”>I own my home and do not have much family. I raise my child by myself and have paid people to baby sit for me.</span>
Love gardening, foraging, scrumping, making jam, cake and chutney . Last year we made mango chutney, walnut jam and christmas wreaths from pine cones found in the park.
Today I had a hospital appointment and when I was indicating to turn into a road an aggressive man kept beeping. I parked car and got out he then shouted at me “I see you every day parking here, find somewhere else to park” I said to him politely “I’m just a hard working mum who needs to get to work on time to pay the bills as its just me and my little one” He looked embarrassed and held his head in Shame. As for me , well I walked away with my head held high.
I have had moments which made me cry but it’s not very often. I love working and being able to afford holidays and nice things for us.