problems with my ex

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  GingerbreadJustine 6 months, 4 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #23655 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    hi I am new here

     

    I have problems with my ex. We have two kids, boys 8 and 10. We are nearly two years divorced.. we didn’t done any agreements by courts about who will have boys more or less, he doesn’t pay my any money for kids. My x works full time, I work only part time.. I have my boys full Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday until 6pm, Thursday until 6pm and then Friday I take them to school and if is my weekend I have boys from 6-7pm and then full weekend if no I see them at Monday morning before school. X have them full weekend. He don’t take them to school, he doesn’t pick them from school, he doesn’t go for parent meeting, nothing.. even when one of boys are sick or ill my actual parter take more responsibility and take one of the boys to school not him.

     

    I and my new partner want to start live together but my my x not agree with that. He argued with my I can leave boys with him and moved out if I want to. My older son next year September will start high school and I don’t know what to do.. x said to kids they can’t moved out from town then they born. I want to moved out to start new life, be able work full time . Can I have some advice, please? What to do ?

    #23698 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant
    • How far away do you wish to move to? Yes he can apply for a prohibition order to stop the move, but generally the court permit moves but expect the moving parent to make most or all of the travel to facilitate contact as a result .
    • Make a claim for maintenance with the CMS.
    #23701 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    How far I want to move? It’s about one hour from place where we live now. I never told him he will not see kids any more.. he don’t help much anyway… he could see kids on Friday and every weekend

    #23726 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    If your ex can continue to see his children as before, then he has no grounds to complain to the courts. You really should put in a CMs claim so he contributes to his children’s upbringing.

    will you be settled in your new home soon enough for your child to start at the new senior school?

    #23734 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    My oldest son will start new school next September soo this year I will apply for new school. I am afraid of that when I want do that my x will say no… he all the time saying kids will stay here where there live now .. he want have them for himself only but he can’t take care of them because he work full time and for him work in on first plan..

    he want have 50/50 with care but it’s not possible for him to do that. He don’t want to or can’t change his work routine… I am this kind of person where I run like mental to school to work home again school, do everything around a kids and he comes few times in week for two, three hours then he give me them back in morning. I think this is not good for kids.. they have rides here, there all the time.. if I could have them from mom- fri morning then ex will pick them from school and took for a weekend and then take them to school in morning, I think it would be much better…

    i want have normal life too.. now I don’t have… no social live, I see my new partner only every weekend and sometimes midweeks days…

    #23735 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    He want have some rules but he tricked me like only I have to have this rules, he comes and pick boys when he want, I can’t work at normal hours, and how I want… I don’t want have this kind of life… I am tired 😓 but I don’t know what I can do with that…

    about CMS he saying I can’t apply because he buying some things for boys, I have child tax credit and child tax soo I can’t do that… he’s words

    #23737 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hiya, you really aught to give the gingerbread team a ring as I’m sure they will help.

    I think that you will definitely have a case for CMS, I do not believe that he is telling you the truth so please contact them, again the gingerbread team can help with this.

    Mark

    #24021 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    Hi

    be honest I don’t want have any problems with him and I don’t want any money from him… I know it’s not right but I prefer have piece of mind than have war… I will have anyway because of that I want move out from my place to my new partner and take boys with me. I need advice where and how I could deal with that… what I need to do? I want have new life and be happy ..

     

    i could move move to new place without kids and see them on Friday Saturday and Sunday but I know they would be not happy with him. He would not cut his work hours because his job is very important for him… job is always first then kids.. family..  or

     

    I could get to court probably and ask for permission to take my sons with me and give a right for ex see boys on Friday after school, full Saturday and Sunday and other free school day…

    • This reply was modified 7 months ago by  Agi.
    #24049 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    I say do whatever you can to facilitate this move. Its what you and your partner want. 😀

    #24055 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    Tbh an hour away would be unfair on the children to have to make that journey on Monday mornings as with traffic etc that’s a long drive back and probably would cause them to be late.

    I don’t get your wanting a a  life comment. You have down time when you’re child free and a partner you spend it with. My question is why can’t he relocate? This seems to be you and your children sacrificing everything and you losing the security of your home…..

    Working full time he could still have 50-50. That’s no different to how millions of parents juggle work and parenting.

    i think that before jumping straight to relocating that I’d be more inclined to instigate a contact schedule  where  you state when the children are available. Same quantity as now but set. If he doesn’t turn up then that’s contact missed. The only time this would be deemed unreasonable in a court is if he does shift work etc. See if you can’t try to manage the  situation better.

     

    recschooljng applications have gone in and been allocated so moving now means your child wouldn’t be going to a school chosen just one with available spaces.    That in itself is bound to be a bone of contention.

     

    sadly as a mum your needs should be secondary to the children’s and this move sounds to be about you not them…..

    #24056 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    He can’t relocate because he have his own house.. I don’t.. I live in council house.

    My ex working full time and during a week he doesn’t have time for them. He don’t take them to school, he don’t take them from school, don’t feed them after. He can take them( or want to- I don’t know what is true) after work for sleepover and every second weekend. After sleepover next day he give me boys back so I take them to school then go to work. Come back from work after 1pm. Walk half a hour, prepare diner for kids and then walk again half a hour to school, then come back with them half a hour. Sooo how u can tell me I should sorted out to have 50/50 with my ex? I want have better life with my kids.. don’t worry about that they stressed because they spend time in one home then again another home… I thought it would be better if one of us will have boys for all school week and then me or ex will have boys only for weekend and other free school days…. but I see my thinking was wrong..

    My ex treat me like free babysitter.. he coming back from work when he wants without any warning he will be late or no.. he doesn’t care is one boy is ill and I don’t have no one who can take other son to school… my actual parter came every day( drive nearly hour) to take him to school.. he didn’t ask do I need some help, nothing..!! And every time he say he care about his sons!! Tell me this is care?!? I don’t think soo.. he do how he want to be good for him only.. and show everywhere he is good dad but he is not in my eyes!!!

    He will do everything to destroy me and feel bad with bad life!!

    #24057 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    And I don’t want to move now to new place. My oldest son will start last six class from September but I will have to apply for his new school after Christmas or before ( I don’t know how this is work) soo  have to know what to do until that. How to bite all that situation…

    my younger son will have three more years to finish primary school.

    #24065 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant
    • You have a council house. Don’t rush the security of that. Let your boyfriend move in with you there. Rent his place out. Then by school application time you’ll know how living together is going.
    • As I said above email or discuss a formal contact arrangement. He’s only able to do as he likes because you let/enable him to. Set days- if you want him to take full responsibility from say end of school until start if school next day, then explain be needs to pay for either a childminder or breakfast and after school club. Because that is how full time working parents manage. You can’t then complain if he does this! Likewise contact should move from your home to distance things and give it a routine.
    • The fact you have part time work is irrelevant and not a reason that he couldn’t have shared care. Likewise you walk half an hour each way – irrelevant I’m afraid as it’s your choice; you could drive/learn, get a bus if possible or even cycle. Walking doesn’t make you a better parent.
    • Im not meaning to be harsh but you really need to think about your children here and also how you manage your ex.  Think about your council house – they’re gold dust. Your new boyfriend maybe wonderful what happens if the move away escalates the ex situation and your relationship doesn’t work out ; you’ve children and will be out on the streets and not eligible for council housing! You’ll have lost the benefits. Starting again…. away from the children’s friends, father,…..
    #24070 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    And here is a problem.. ex all the time saying he can’t do this or that. I had with him conversation where I asked he can he take boys for two full days how should be.. take them to school and back ( he all the time saying he doesn’t see enough boys) but he said he can’t because he work and he can’t start and finish his work differently.. start late and finish early.. it’s true he see them how he want…

    i know this is my choice with walking but I only want to show that I have 80% of care with them and he do what he want and how good is that for him.

    For him the best way it will  be if I give a boys for him full time but how?!?!? When he work full time and he doesn’t have time for them

    #24071 Report

    Agi
    Participant

    I only walk because I don’t have money for car.. yes I could buy a bike 🚲 it’s only this way it will be quicker.. I work part time because only that fit with ex working hours.. I don’t have any family, friends who live close to me to help me with boys..  our school doesn’t have breakfast clubs and after school clubs.. I will not pay for childcare because it’s not worth it.. it’s cost stupid amount of money, sorry but I don’t have this money .. if I change my place with boys I have help with taking them to school and I will have full time work. And I will have plenty time to take them from school… for me is important they will settle (boys) because now they have more rides between houses than ever!

    Btw I am with my new partner nearly two years now… and we are not live together of course.. I saw him only 2-3 times per week because he work because I have boys with school. My free time is only every second weekend.. maybe I am selfish but I think boys would feel more settled if I live with my new partner.. I don’t know… I am stressed about that … time flying soo quickly and I don’t know what to do.. I know only I will have BIG arguments with my ex!!!

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)

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