11 November 2017 at 5:02 pm #5641
Hi Im new to this.
I guess I am lucky I have my parents who are trying their best to help.
Im feeling pressured to increase contact for my kids with their Dad.
I know my kids are happy with how things are and that their Dad can not be trusted on his own with them due to his mental health issues which is why we are divorced.
it seems like a never-ending, downward spiralling, scary rollercoaster.
Every thought and action has to be treble checked out of fear if doing the wring thing.
Alot seems stacked against me. When be charges have been made, some evidence exists within the system but no recent issues. No money to fight a well funded ex.
Sometimes its like I have lost all control of my life.12 November 2017 at 9:19 am #5648
everything so far has vern voluntary the agencies recommended the current arrangements and he agreed but he has written to say he wabts increased contact and knows that he would have to pay for a court order to ask for this.
His requsts are not coherent but ultimately end with him having the kids for full weekends or longer.
Kids are 5 and 9. I feel stuck as just waiting to see if he will go for an order or not. If course worried about how the process with Cafcass etc is going to affect them. It has been so hard already with recognised detrimental affects in both of them.
Its like no matter the circumstances it is always seen best that they see him even though he was an abuser. He has to repeat offend and be caught. So its like I can’t protect them.
there needs to be some way of keeping my children out of harms way without waiting for him to trip up and have his mask slip again.12 November 2017 at 8:28 pm #5652
The agencies were the school, social services and CAMHs, there was dv to me and abuse to the kids,which they reported to the agencies. There has been two court injunctions granted now, but he has never been convicted of anything, and there are hospital records too. There have been two MARAC assessments done by the police and Women’s aid. SS advised on the contact venue. His past actions have been documented and the school have even felt threatened by him, but I don’t know if this is considered enough proof, he has never admitted to anything to anyone but me, and would never admit to struggling with mental health issues. I was told by a lawyer to not pursue an order myself and to let him pursue one. My eldest loves his Dad but is scared of him. My youngest says that Dad only hates me and the older sibling. I wasn’t able to protect them when we were all under one roof, it will be impossible to protect them if they have any length of time on their own with their Dad.12 November 2017 at 11:46 pm #5655
This is really good advice thank you.
I have been speaking with Women’s aid and they helped me initially.
Contact is a volunteer supervised couple of hours fortnightly. The contact has not been going too well though as he has been asking questions about me to the kids rather than concentrating on them or asking about school etc.
It will be almost a year soon since we split and there is still loads to sort out.
There has been no progression in contact since we split for the first few months there was no contact until he agreed to SS suggestion of venue. SS are not involved now and won’t be again unless something else happens to cause concern.
Communication has been through the contact centre so I don’t need to talk with him directly. I have heard of some women having to communicate with their ex partners, so I am lucky I don’t have to see him, the last time I had to be in the same room as him was at the last injunction hearing.19 November 2017 at 11:36 am #5791
Thank you Anonymous!
I will try to not worry about it all. I have text messages and notes of conversations with the centre as evidence and will ensure to keep evidence in writing from now on.
It is horrible all of this and just wish it was different, but will have to deal with my reality as best I can
Today I don’t feel like giving up so it’s good today.
Christmasses since the separation have been lovely, the kids are relaxed and we have enjoyed them. Before this was always a very troubled time, they are much leaner but safe and calm which is all we need.
Hope you have a lovely Christmas too!