Pregnant with my 3rd, Single & alone. Friendly support please
6 September 2018 at 10:09 am #15468
I’m new to Gingerbread after looking on google to find some like minded support.
I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant, I have a nearly 2 year old and a nearly 3 year old so as you can imagine I have my hands full.
I’ve been in a very toxic relationship for the past 4 years, but I managed to find some strength and asked him to leave in May at the beginning of my pregnancy something I’ve previously done & he did it he left!!
This man has left me so broken that I’m a mere shadow of myself. I don’t recognise the girl in the mirror anymore. As much as I hate him, I still have some love there. I know it’s probably the pregnancy hormones because I know me and my children deserve so much more.
Ive recently embarked on having zero contact with him now because for the past 12 weeks he has been nothing but vile to me which has caused me a lot of stress and heart ache.
I’ve constantly tried, begged and pleaded with him to see his children. And it seems to be only when it suits him. I had even asked him if he could have them whilst I went to see the midwife in which he replied no. He had them over night once at his sisters house and he actually went out all night on a drug bender and left them with his sister. I was disgusted.
I’ve noticed there’s a pattern with him and I do believe he is a narcissist. He seems to go through weeks of seeing other women, as in having sex with them, then comes back to me (not for sex) sweet talks me tells me all I want to hear, I end up borrowing him money, he will see the kids because I am giving him money, then a couple of weeks after that he’s back to other women.
But this time I’ve found out he is now in a relationship with a teenager!!! A 19 year old girl who has a 6 month old baby!! He is nearly 32 and if I’m honest it has sickened me. It’s made me question his mentality I do think he has some issues. He is a heavy cannabis user which doesn’t help.
So since me finding out and me asking if he is having his children like he said he would, he told me he was too busy. Clearly has other priorities now.
He has given my son so many fake promises of :
i’ll see You soon
we will go to feed the ducks
ill take you to play football
we will go swimming
you can come stay over with Dad
he hadn’t even been able to stick to phone calls the kids would wait for his call. He said he would ring every night at 6. It happened probably 4 times and it was me who ended up ringing him as they were waiting to speak to him.
So all of these promises which he’s not done. I have instead apart from the fishing lol …. My son used to cry for his dad, he doesn’t anymore and on Sunday he said to me ‘mummy I think we need another daddy’
it broke my heart I had to leave the room and I sobbed. So ive decided i can’t let him mess there heads up anymore. I can’t let him decide when he wants to contact them. I told him last time it had to be regular and consistent. But it’s not. So I’ve changed my number and that’s it.
As for his unborn child I’ve given him times of scans etc and waited for him to turn up he never has. There was an issue with the baby at one point, I told him and he said ‘stop with your sob stories’
But he goes round telling everyone that his kids are his world and that he’s going to be at the birth of his baby. He has no intentions of being there. He has no intentions of being a dad. He’s had every chance.
I came off social media and yday was sent something he posted about how he would dance if he was told his ex was dead.
It truly guttered me. Now I know what I have to do. I have to put my children first.
I’m just so scared of having another baby alone and my mental health taking another turn for the worst. I have spoken to my midwife about this who assure me I will get the support I need.
I dochave good family and friends but there’s only so much they can do for me when they work and have baby’s themselves.
This man doesn’t provide for his children either he spends money on himself but in 12 weeks hasn’t even gave me £1 it’s been so tough.
I know kno I need to wise up and my heart catch up with my head. I’d love to hear of any success stories from anyone in a similar situation? And I’d love to create a new support circle for myself. Some people I can talk to who truly understand what I’m going through.
I am also starting a degree in October with the open uni & my baby is due 19th December. So I’m sure I’m going to be very distracted soon.
Thanks for reading
sophie xx6 September 2018 at 10:28 am #15471
You are a very strong brave lady. Well done for making the right decision it must be so hard I hope it all works out for you