Pregnant through ivf and left alone

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  • #15011 Report

    Shell2018
    Participant

    Hi, I am new to this and its really hard for me to talk about as its still so raw, I fell for the wrong man as many do, we were seeing each other for 7 yrs and he is older and married, but promised me the world and I believed him. Last year we started looking into the IVF process and using his sperm via a retrieval op on our 1st go this yr I fell pregnant to our miracle baby I have been in and out of hospital and quite poorly as a result of the treatment and over 2 wks ago I had enough of his lies and promises and told his wife – as he told me he already had and they were over, but still lived there which I found strange. She admitted there was nothing between them anymore, yet he still stayed I don’t get it. To make it worse there was a serious incident of which me and my baby almost died as a result of him and it left me in need of an ambulance. I know people will judge me, but I am not a bad person and just loved and still do love him so much. I am 4.5 months pregnant and petrified of losing my baby and also not being good enough, also due to police etc involvement I don’t think he will be allowed access or if he even wants it. I don’t want to deprive my baby though. Any advice please I’m really struggling to be ok and plan a future for me and my growing baby.

    #15012 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Hi shell2018

    i just want to say congratulations. I know that the situation for you may not be what you dreamed, though neither is mine and many other ‘single parents’. I don’t think many folks have the aim of going it alone. Sometimes life has different plans to what we envisage and we have to adapt and manage what we have. I know a dear friend of mine struggled to conceive and she was blessed with a daughter through IVF. When I read your entry, at no point did I think you were a bad person or silly, I actually thought how wonderful it was that you’ll also be able to experience motherhood. There’s nothing quite like it. I have absolutely no doubt you’ll make mistakes, I hope you do as that’s what we learn from. You’ll also make lots of really good choices. You can still live a completely fulfilled life, with kids in tow as a solo parent. Your life is only limited by the limitations you put on yourself or those you allow society to place upon you. Embrace your pregnancy, it doesn’t last long then the next chapter begins, I’m really excited for you and hope the negative stuff going on in the back ground doesn’t distract you too much from this special time x

    #15014 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    I think as a woman who was in your position 4 years ago do not judge yourself and feel bad.  You need to rest and be positive and glad that you are going to be a mum.  Think of yourself and your baby and do not even think of entertaining him. Unfortunately we live in a world where  people take great delight playing mind games.  My daughter starts school in September and I went back to work part time . I stayed with my sister until my daughter was 8 weeks old and I was left to get on with it. My parents are no longer alive so.i had no one really but I was determined to put my daughter first and although the man was at the back of my mind I focused on work, home and my girl . I do not want drama and chaos in my daughters life so I put all my everything in to ensuring they she goes without and that she has my love. Try not to.be negative I know how uou feel but you want your child to be happy and not to pick up on vibes. I last saw my ex when I was 5 months pregnant and twice last year . It was not a good experience but you just have to move on and think of your future

    #15015 Report

    Shell2018
    Participant

    Hi DMP,

    Thank you for your reply, I feel so lucky to be given the chance to be a mum this baby is a miracle in more ways than one and all I want is it to have the best. I just feel like I’ve let it down before its even here and scared I won’t be enough for it. I’m hoping I will be able to start to enjoy the pregnancy and everyday I am grateful for being pregnant even when I’m feeling so poorly and low so long as the baby is ok thats all that matters.

    Thank you for you advice x

    #15016 Report

    Shell2018
    Participant

    Hi Sherima,

    Its nice to know that someone else has been in my situation, I know obviously there are mamy out there just none that I know and who understands. I do have friends and family who are around, unfortunately none that I will be able to stay with so going to be pretty much on my own too apart from the odd visits from them. It sounds like you’re doing a really good job doing it by yourself, I hope I can be jist as strong and do a good job for my baby.  I am worried about it picking up on my stress or negativity too and I’m hopefully going to be getting help to cope with those feelings soon too.  All I want is the best for my baby and I just hope I’m good enough for it

    Thank you for the reply

     

    #15022 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    You need to rest up, sleep and eat properly . If you ask the universe your heart desire you will get it. Stop stressing now! What will be will be. Get a note book and start writing things down!  You will need a car seat to bring the baby home,  snow suit etc.. so start planning . I was in a haze but fortunately my brother in law was  like a sergent major and they took me  under their wing and went with me to appointments . You will find that help comes in all shapes and form . When my baby was 6 months we joined a mother and baby group and the woman who ran it has adopted up and looks at my little one like a grand child.  My mother died before my daughter was conceived and this is what we spoke about when she dying in hospital and this is what my inheritance was spent on. I had 25 years wasted on my first husband 4 miscarriages and he was on drugs and living the life . My second attempt with a joker was no better because he  had the sane traits as the husband .weak, selfish and useless.

    This week I’m all excited getting my daughters uniform and finishing off decorating her bedroom. Plus the nanny is back from USA in time to help with the school runs

    If you are in London I’m quite happy to meet you got a coffee but honestly stop wasting your time on your ex because you will not get this chance again.

    #15035 Report

    Shell2018
    Participant

    Thank you, we had done a list together before all of this happened, but I think now I need to judt do my own list of everything and really start planning. I have my next scan next week and although it will be hard as he won’t be there I’m looking forward to hopefully finding out what it is.

    I wasn’t going to join any mother and baby groups, but now I think  I should as would be really good for us both I think.

    Its lovely that you too now your own miracle daughter and shes now approaching a big milestone, I bet you must be nervous too that shes starting school?

    I would love to be able to meet up, unfortunately I’m not in London I’m in Kings Lynn in Norfolk.

    I really do appreciate your advice 😊

    #15039 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    I am looking forward to me time  and im fed up of the nursery fees . I never worry about anything because life is too short and people are not worth it.

    I have got Thursday and Friday off work so will just work part time . will go gym and sort my hair out when my girl starts school . I will also concentrate on declutterng,  baking & Scrumping!

    <span style=”font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5;”>I have almost got everything but next week we need to go buy school shoes and that will be it. I think .</span>

    You and your child will need to get out there I’m afraid and make friends as you will get lonely . My family did their bit as first  but got on with their lives so I had no choice

    Today we went to the park with our little picnic and there were regular park people there with their kids who we made friends with

    Good luck and look after yourself x

     

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

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