Pregnant single mum-to-be

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Sherima 1 month ago.

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  • #20037 Report

    Sofvig26
    Participant

    due to domestic abuse from my ex, I left while only 3 months pregnant. I’ve done the rest of my pregnancy pretty much on my own with support from my mum and sister. But now it’s coming up to D-day (only couple of weeks away) and I’m realising I don’t know any single parents, all the mum friends I have are married or with a partner and their advice is to mainly look at support from a partner and that they couldn’t manage without their partner’s help and it’s sent me from believing I can do this to panicking as to about what if I can’t do this on my own. My mum and sister will be there occasionally to help out but I know it will begin and end with me.

    Anyone else gone through the same or been a single parent from day one got tips of how to cope?

    #20038 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi Sofvig, you can definitely do this on your own.   You’ll find yourself “nesting” with your little one and working it out together.

    A few practical things. Make sure you have enough food in so you don’t have to go out unless you want to. Get some long life milk and plenty of nappies & wipes.  Sleep when your baby does and don’t worry about the hoovering for a few weeks.

    Talk to your midwife, If you are feeling down tell her immediately, don’t try to brave it out.  Accept other people’s offers of help, and try to get some fresh air every day even if it’s only 5 minutes.

    Congratulations. I am very envious 😊

    #20050 Report

    Lj234
    Participant

    hi there Sofvig, my partner died a few days before I gave birth to our child, even though we were separated he was going to help support me and the baby , I brought up 2 children alone along  with a newborn and whilst doing a degree, also  without any support from family or friends.  it is possible x you are lucky you have family, it wont be that difficult with help from them.x it’s really not that bad although it may seem as though it is a bad situation for you atm. chin up and good luck .xxx

     

    #21579 Report

    Alipally
    Participant

    Hi, I’m a single mum from the start to a 5 week old boy. You can do this. 95 percent of the time its absolutely wonderful and the other 5 is hard going – when he cries for hours on end there is no one to take him for 5 mins. My piece of advice is if things are hard (even for a few hours) let someone know  your mum your sister a friend or message me- don’t bottle it up.

     

    My other tip may sound silly but it’s practical. Obviously, you can’t leave a newborn in the house alone so taking nappies and rubbish out to the bins proved a problem (I had a section so wasn’t supposed to lift but couldn’t not ) a baby carrier is a brilliant thing! frees up your hands and lets you do everything as normal. My son loves falling asleep on our walks in it also.

    #22084 Report

    CH86
    Participant

    Hi Sofvig26 I’m also single and pregnant, 13 wks. The father no longer wants any involvement, only to pressure me to get a termination as I’m ruining his life. He is moving to the U.S this month and he claims it’s for good.

    Like you, I’m also feeling down and wondering if I can do this alone? My mum will be around but not all the time…and I can’t really rely on friends as they all have their own busy lives to stop and help me out.

    The father has no living family so there’s no support that side either.

    It’s comforting to here from other mothers who have been through this and how they manage.

    Any advice please?x

    #22089 Report

    Hi CH86

    Hopefully you will get some support on here from other parents who have been in similar situations.  In the meantime I will be sending you a personal message with some signposting options.

    Take care

    Justine

    #22118 Report

    Rara123
    Participant

    I am in the same position so just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. I have a 2 yr old and a few weeks off having my second. Husband and partner of 13 years decided he fancied an affair and has been gone since 16 wks.

    He only wants to see our toddler when convenient to him so I am now accepting it will start and end with me.

    Not sure how i will cope either but think the answer is, what is the alternative! We will have to cope!

    Good luck to you and know you will get through it!

     

    #22213 Report

    angie1106
    Participant

    Hi, I have been on my own since I was pregnant and refused to have an abortion. My daughter is now 3 years old. I really struggled emotionally at first with the idea that he wasn’t involved and like you, worried I couldn’t cope. I am very lucky to have my mum who helps me a lot, but she is the only person I have who helps. You do cope though and actually once I was through the first year, I began to prefer this situation. I have spoken to so many people who have awful situations with exes and I don’t have that. I don’t have to argue with someone about parental decisions or give in to someone else’s ideas. My daughter doesn’t get conflicting messages either. From a practical point of view you will find your way through and you and your child will have such a special relationship.

    The only thing I am now struggling with is how my daughter will cope with the fact her father didn’t want to be involved. She has already been asking questions for over a year and gets quite upset at times at the fact that she doesn’t have a father. That is the struggle we are in.

    Everything outside that is great. I’m not going to say it’s not challenging being by yourself because of course it is. But you will be able to do it. Ultimately, as long as your child knows you love them and you feed them and keep them warm, that’s all you need to worry about. The rest will come xx

    #22215 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    I can’t believe those mums would say that you need your partner’s support to help you through birth and parenting. You are a strong confident woman to have left your ex and yoi are very capable of handling things yourself. But thats not to say you can’t meet anyone new in the future. Start enjoying your own company. It will be nice to have your mum and sister around but they wont be there all the time. If you have to go out make eye contact with people and engage in occasional chit chat. One of my longest friendships was made in a bank and the other I reconnected with an old friend at a park.

    Also don’t listen to what everyone says to you. I once had two strangers say to me (because after some nosey questions deducted I was single and on maternity leave), that I will have no life, no job and no man will want to marry me etc. That was 12 years ago. I’m 33 now and I am newly single with a job I don’t really like but I’m still fairly happy.

    Hope any of this helps 😀

    #23867 Report

    Sofvig26
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for your replies!!

    Ive now got my little girl who’s 2 months old and it definitely had its ups and downs. But I’ve worked a way that’s almost stressful, a “go with the flow” type parenting. So she’s new to this world and every body function she feels in new.

    Ive found blogging and sharing things on social media about good and bad days has really helped me connect with the world especially on days that it becomes impossible to leave the house.

    I’ve stopped listening to the coupled mums about what to do, and just do what feels right to me. I studied child psychology at school so trying to refresh my mind as she grows.

    My advice is to try co-sleep with your newborn, either in a side crib or in your bed (as long as you follow safe sleeping guidance). It takes away that lonely feeling when you go to bed, but also when you yourself have a bad night you wake up to a beautiful baby that you made and all the bad things fade away.

    #23871 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    I went with the flow and did not read books and my girl will be 5 ,years old soon. I went back to work when she was 10 months old and took her to baby and mother free group where I met lots of people .

    The only thing I did not do was sleep in the same bed as my daughter.

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