pregnant, single and worried about money; advice please!
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30 May 2018 at 10:24 pm #11728
I’m new to all this so I don’t really know if I’m doing the right thing or in the right place but here goes;
I’m 21 years old and just finished my degree at uni, so at this moment in time, I am currently unemployed living with my parent.
However, unplanned, I discovered I am pregnant; around 9 weeks.
My partner showed his true colours, and left me deciding he was ready to be a dad and against his wishes, I wanted to carry on my pregnancy.
Now I’m just trying to sort out what I’m going to do, i cant stay here with my mum as she is very unaccepting of my pregnancy and I am not welcome there.
I’ve been researching help out there I would be eligible for, what entitlements i may be able to get; and I seem to have got myself in a mess with it all. I feel so overwhelmed and confused i really don’t know where to begin or how to start.
I worry about how I’m going to get my essentials for my baby and where I’m going to live.
I know nobody can really help me just a friendly chat and some advice would make me feel so much better and less alone i guess!
I am absolutely petrified im not going to lie i feel so alone and depressed, yet only a tiny part of me is exicted.
Thanks for your time.4 June 2018 at 9:42 pm #11842
I just thought I would reach out to yoy, as at the same age when I had my 1st child and the same position. It’s hard and scary at times but my daughter was the single best thing to ever happen to me and you sound like you will be a great Mummy! I sometimes wish I could go back and speak to myself at your age! You have your whole life ahead and there is a lot of help when you finally get your head round the system. First, if you can’t stay at home then make a homeless application, also apply for income support or JSA. If you’re on JSA it will switch to income support when you’re far along enough not to work. I believe they have scrapped the maternity grant but I think there are funds you can apply for on a low income, your local job centre is a good place to check or have a long chat with your midwife. They and health visitors are the best support ever.
You have a degree and returning to work shouldn’t be an issue. There are lots of childcare options and as a lone parent you will get help towards costs. I wish I’d have realised how strong I was and how my child made me. It may not feel like it but your life and options are only just beginning x4 June 2018 at 10:50 pm #11848
I was older than you when I fell pregnant, also unplanned, the father wanted me to have a termination but I did not so we agreed that he didn’t have to be a father if he didn’t want to and I haven’t spoken to him since. I get no maintenance or anything from him but that is my choice. He is not even on my son’s birth certificate but that means that my son is all mine. Yeah there are awkward conversations and as little one gets older I’ll have to have awkward conversations with him too but I promise you, you can do this! Life as a mother is wonderful and there are lots of silver linings to being a single mum too. I don’t know if your babies dad will have any input but even if he refuses totally there are plenty of positives.
I was very lucky in that I have a very supportive family who accepted my pregnancy straight away and love my son completely so I cannot comment on that side of it, perhaps though your family will come round once the shock wears off and they realise that you are going to do this and be damn good at it! There are benefit calculators out there which are great for working out what would be best for you. Try filling them in a few times with different working hours/housing situations and see what works out best for you financially then try to get yourself to that situation if you can. I think I used ‘entitledto’.
Now is the time to build and strengthen any good family relationships that you have, the more support you have the better but even if you have to do it alone I’m sure you will do it well. I think we naturally have a tendency to feel ‘it’s me and baby against the world’ if someone walks away from us in early pregnancy but it really doesn’t have to be like that usually there are at least some people close to us who love and support our pregnancy, try not to miss those people or hurt them by shutting them out if they try to help you (it’s easily done when in mama bear mode).
When it comes to buying things for children I rarely pay full price. Second hand baby sales are great (tabletots is our local organisers) for selling Little ones old things and buying (nearly) new things. Have a suitcase hanging around for if you see sale items or bargains out of season or in bigger sizes than your child is in at. Buy cheap, store in the case, when Little one grows out of a size you don’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe in one go, just open the suitcase 😊.
I hope you find some of this helpful, sorry if it just sounds like me waffling on.
Congratulations by the way 😊 this will be the best thing you ever do and you will experience love like you have never felt before xx5 June 2018 at 2:52 pm #11857
Hi Jessica. Thanks for sharing your situation on the forum. It’s understandable you want some advice about becoming a single parent and how to manage money. Gingerbread’s single parent helpline is free and confidential and the advice team can talk you through your options with managing your finances and entitlements. The number to call is 0808 802 0925. It can be very busy but it’s free to queue.
We hope you get the support you need from other posters.