Pregnant, going through a breakup and scared.

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  • #19634 Report

    Louisedainton
    Participant

    im new to this forum. And I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone can chat that’s in a similar situation.

    Im 13 weeks pregnant and going through a break up with someone I loved that didn’t want children. He delayed trying for children for 5 years and then only told me 5 years in that he wasn’t ready. By this point I was 38 and totally desperate and depressed. I thought my chances of having children were unlikely. If I left him how long would it take to find someone and then try for a baby? My time was running out and my partner had refused to be intimate for over a year. I loved him and I tried so hard to make it work but I don’t think I ever could have been happy if I’d stayed a few more years and become infertile. We were living separate lives and I decided to have a one night stand to try and get pregnant. It happened. This was October and I hid it for three months and have only just told my partner. I am now moving back to my parents. Leaving the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I feel like I’ve lost all my friends and my whole life is upside down.

    The father of the baby wants nothing to do with it.

    Please don’t judge me. I made decisions that I’m not proud of but I felt I had no choice.

    If anyone wants to chat please let me know.

    Louise

     

    #19636 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I’ve not been in that situation but hormones are powerful things. Your ex wasn’t very fair was he. He played you along for years because it was convenient to him, and then dropped a bombshell. You’ve made a decision for you and it will be fine.

    Look at the good thing in this.

    You are going to be a mum & welcome a new life into the world.

    You have supportive parents who are probably thrilled they are going to be grandparents.

    You’re a grown woman with hopefully a job and some resources to support you.

    You are free a relationship which could only survive on someone else’s terms. Although that might not seem positive at the moment….

    I’m a single mum with no local support and, honestly, as long as you have a job, it isn’t too difficult. How will your boss react?

    #19638 Report

    Louisedainton
    Participant

    Thanks for your message.

    Youre right. The relationship was all on his terms. It was going to come to an end eventually. He wasn’t fair at all. Led me along for 5 years saying that we would “try soon”

    i have a job but I’m self employed and don’t earn much. My ex partner earned good money which meant I didn’t need to.

    Min not liking to get a full time job and not tell them I’m pregnant. I’m not showing yet.

    #19639 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    So you’ve got six months to throw yourself into generating some more business rather than spending time worrying. 😊Also, you must claim maintenance through the CMs. However you may feel about that, it’s really your child’s money, not yours.

    Also, I doubt you’ve lost all your friends. They’re probably a bit gobsmacked -if your ex has told them, which I imagine he has – and don’t know what to say. I’d break the awkwardness with one of them and see where it goes. I think you may find quite a few are quite impressed at your decisiveness.

    #19640 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Congratulations btw 💐

    #19642 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    I was in a relationship after my marriage broke down for 10 years. Happy, in love and lovely holidays. He did a runner when I was 5 months pregnant.  Changed his appearance , wearing tight clothes and lising 3 stones and started dating women 18 years younger then him so don’t worry too much . I can relate to all of this.

    I worked with a man who had a son from his first marriage and went and had the snip when the new woman talked about marriage and family. They were together 12 years and he dud thus and denied her of children when she could have been with someone else instead of lying and ruining her future

    #19650 Report

    Louisedainton
    Participant

    oh my goodness Sherima, lots of people are going through really bad times it seems 🙁 

    Men!!!!!!

    #19651 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Well I guess, but you learn from past mistakes and move on. I am settled now am.strong minded and have got my sanity.  I have no.idea why i ended up with 2 losers .

    I don’t have to rely on anyone now and I pay my bills and please myself in my own home .

    The school bus driver says I need to find a man to put my bins out for me!

    #19656 Report

    Rosieposie2000
    Participant

    Hey Louise ,

    I’ve not been in your position but I am a mum and endured some hardships. Is women are made of strong stuff!!! Very best of luck to you. I’m sure it will all work out for you! 🍀

    #19687 Report

    Alan1
    Participant

    Hi Louise

    Thought i would post on here as i am a guy that’s going through a rough time as my wife has left me recently.

    I am not in your particular situation but one thing i can say is that talking on this forum is helping me slightly so would recommend you keep doing this.

    Where we are similar is that i don’t feel like i have many friends to talk to as they were all of our couple friends so i am finding that hard as well, (i feel very alone)

    I actually think you did a good thing getting pregnant because think of the love and joy you will give your baby – i have told an old friend (who wants a baby but time is running out) that she should do something similar.

    Even though i am a father of 2 you don’t need a man to help you bring up your child – (its easier with help sure).

    Not sure why i posted here really but hopefully my comments have helped in some way.

    Congrats and good luck – i will never forget the feeling i had when my 1st child was born.

    #19697 Report

    Mason87
    Participant

    Hi all my partner of 6years has left me and our 2yr old son as she said she doesn’t love me anymore and says our son is better off with me is this just an easy way out for her

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