Pregnant girlfriend ended relationship
19 August 2020 at 6:45 am #43043
My pregnant girlfriend just broke up with me, I’m 23 and she’s 22. we starting dating in October 2019, I moved in with her around the end of November 2019. And she already had a child, 3 years old that I think of as my own and we have such a great bond. She suffers from depression and anxiety and the father of her last child left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant.
This is my first real relationship and my real first true love. I love this woman to pieces and would do anything she asked and more. We had such an amazing relationship before the pregnancy. Would always go on date nights and we got on like a house on fire. We always talked about having a family of our own, getting married one day and having a child. We found out in April that she was pregnant and we couldn’t have been anymore happier. I’ve been to all of the appointments and been by her side and supportive.
As the months go by we started getting more detached and she felt really distant for the last few months. The whole lockdown has been a real problem and that’s where it all really started. I’ve been used to working my whole life and now being out of work until the beginning of next year is hard, in my first relationship, being under eachothers feet was very hard. But the last few months of this pregnancy I was always saying I love you, always hugging and kissing her. She never initiated those things during pregnancy. Throughout the last few months she hasn’t done that. Which before the pregnancy she would always do and I always felt loved by her but through the pregnancy I haven’t felt loved the last few months.
She asked for a break with me last Wednesday, the 12th. I’ve never gone through this so I was messaging her near enough everyday to ask her how she was, her child and my baby but I was just getting ignored. I feel so much pain and hurt I just had to talk to her. So I asked to call yesterday, the 17th and we did, she said that she hadn’t been happy for the last few months which I thought something was up but never asked because the both of us like to bottle our emotions up. But this little break really taught me I need to stop that, so I told her that but she said it’s too late. She doesn’t know if she loves me anymore and doesn’t love me like she used to so she called our relationship off. She said maybe when the baby arrives in December and all her hormones get back to normal she might be like “I’ve made a huge mistake and want you back” but she doesn’t know. Her mum has told her that I’m the best thing to happen to her, that she’s making a huge mistake and it’s the hormones. All of her family get on with me so well and also told her she’s really loosing someone special. I’ve been told by my now ex girlfriend and her mum that I’m not to blame, I’ve done nothing wrong. I was the best man I could have been to her and treated her like a queen and also more importantly I treated her son as my own and we grew together and made a real great step father and son bond, Which Is why I’m so confused and so hurt.
So here I am now, I just need advise on why all of a sudden before lockdown and the pregnancy was it all perfect and now in the pregnancy she doesn’t feel the same 😞 I just don’t know what to do or how to feel.19 August 2020 at 11:39 am #43044
Sorry to hear about the difficult time you’re going through at the moment. Unfortunately, the truth is, you can’t make or persuade someone to stay with you if they don’t want to. And trying to do so will most likely make them want to be with you even less.
It sounds as if you’ve given everything possible in the relationship and, by the sound of it, her family think so too. But as an adult she is entitled to make her choices in life, and you are obliged to respect them, even if they hurt.
I know from personal experience how hard this situation is. But my advice is to give her whatever time and space she asks for. Don’t keep calling or messaging. This can end up being seen as harassment and, if she was that way inclined, could end up causing you even more grief. If she suffers from depression and anxiety then she is probably feeling bombarded right now by all the messages at a time when it seems she needs some space.
As a father, you have the right to be a part of your child’s life. Perhaps ask her to give you an update once a week on how the pregnancy is going? And ask to have dialogue with her about you spending time with the child when it’s born? That way you are kept in the loop and she isn’t feeling hassled. But I strongly recommend you don’t try talking to her at the same time about how much you want her back or how much you’re hurting (even though your feelings are valid too). It sounds as if she really does need some space, and the respectful thing to do is to give it to her.
My honest advice… For now you need to be thinking about how you are going to be a Dad to your child. Making sure you are able to contribute financially, offering to buy things that will be needed for when the baby arrives etc. Maybe she will change her mind as she said when her hormones change, but that’s a very big maybe and I’d advise you not to pin any hopes on that. Your priority needs to be the child, nothing else.
I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, and I really do feel your pain. But sometimes it just is what it is and we have to accept that.
All the best mate
19 August 2020 at 1:01 pm #43045
- This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by GingerbreadJustine.
this surely seems to be a mess and sometimes peoples feelings are messed up. We humans are a freeking complex creature and I am always amazed when I read ancient texts and there are people 4000-5000 years ago, living through the same emotional mess as we do. I asume your partner is in a state of clouded mist and her anxieties and mixed emotions about how her life will be and what she wants, have taken the upper hand, as well as her confidence might have taken a hit. You have two choices now it seems. Panic, run around like a chicken and try to find out what is going on, change direction every five seconds and when you hit the fence, run in the opposite direction. This way you may find a way out by chance, it keeps you occupied and as time will pass, there will be a solution. Or, take a step back, listen to your feelings and take them serious. You know what you want, you know what you are able of and you know, it isn’t your fault. Take care of yourself, keep contact with your stepson, he will be hard hit and needs a grown up by his side. Think about easy steps you can do to calm things down and don’t make any more waves. Get on with your daily life and trust your gut. Listen to what people have to say but don’t make any quick fire deccissions. You will come out of this and will have learned a lot. As opposed to option one. I am feel sorry for you and you are hard done by. But it will pass.29 August 2020 at 2:45 pm #43348
I have the same problems. My advise – just find a new girlfriend.