Pregnant and the dad has walked out

[PJ061015]

argh I don’t even know where to start.

Over 2 years ago I met a guy, I was a single mum of 3 and it took over so long for me to even introduce him to them. Anyway eventually he did and after a year I moved myself and my kids about half an hour away to be closer to him amongst other reasons. Anyway we’ve had our ups and downs as most people do but 6 months ago we found out we was pregnant, he was ok about it although I did sit him down and ask if he was sure myself and the baby was what he wanted as I’d not planned on having more children myself, he said 100% he wanted it so we got all excited told everyone. First scan he was so emotional but after that he started to lose interest, after Xmas he started going to his ‘friends’ all the time and even slept there twice even after I’d complained that he should be coming home not sleeping out, but he did it anyway and I let it go. 2 weeks ago I bumped into his friend who after talking said he hadn’t seen him since Xmas, I got home and tore through his things in my house only to find empty bags of what was drugs. I was devastated, I sat him down asked him where he had been going and how long the drugs had been going on, he denied it all packed his stuff and went to his mums. After a week I tried to talk to him to sort out what’s happened and offered a kind of solution if we live separate for the next 6 months if need be but sort out his drug problem together and each stay single and see where we go when baby is born……. still in denial he told me I was mad there was something wrong with me I’m crazy and he will never come back.

i suspect he was cheating, he was taking drugs and making me feel like I was going mad and now he is blaming me for being moody and ill while pregnant so I don’t know why I offered to stay a couple I think I panicked and probably still am.

i just don’t know where to turn from here tbh. He says he will buy the baby things but he hasn’t bought a thing so far even when we was together, he says he wants to have the baby not supervised and over night but I cannot allow that when I know he’s been taking drugs.

Does anyone know where I will stand on contact? I’ve offered contact at my home a few days a week for an hour or two especially as I want to breast feed but he wants to take the baby!

also I guess I just need a bit of support, I never wanted to be a single mum to my older kids so I certainly didn’t want to have another and be a single mum again, I’m just not sure I can do it on my own, I’ve been a mess for two weeks and it isn’t fair on my other kids but I feel like I’ve been left with a baby I didn’t envisage having. I feel so horrible saying that but it’s true.

i love the baby already don’t get me wrong I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to cope alone 😔

sorry it’s so long 🙈

[Cypher]

PJ, you’re not alone.
Apart from me and others who’ve read your plea for help, there’s a ton of people out there ready to listen to you and point you in the right directions.
Start by talking to the Samaritans maybe?
And NEVER forget that you’re fricking AWESOME, because you’re about to bring a new life into the world! WOW WOW WOW!
You will never be alone if you reach out.

-Cypher-

[Mummy2019]

He obviously doesn’t deserve you all.. Hope your ok lovely… With contact I know that they can’t take baby if your breast feeding and I’m pretty sure if baby is under 6months they don’t have to (don’t hold me to that, but pretty sure that’s correct).

Keep smiling, you’ve got your kids… Inbox is always open if you need to chat xx

[PJ061015]

Thank you for the replies.

Min feeling a bit better today now it’s off my chest.

i did think he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on with taking the baby from me straight away and it’s not like I’m stopping him seeing him I’ve offered 3 days a week at my home with me in the house, it’s not like I’m going to sit there with him I’ll be catching up on what’s needed to be done.

Thanks for the advice and support 😊

[JosiePanda08]

If you leave his name off the birth certificate (your choice as you’re not married and he can be added later) then he would have to go through the courts to prove he’s the father before any access can be enforced. Sounds horrendous but making him aware of that may make him more amiable to your suggestion of having him come to your house on your terms; after all if all goes well then I’m sure you’d eventually be more comfortable with him having more responsibility.

[Author]

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