Pregnant and recently separated- cruel ex, what to do
12 September 2019 at 8:25 pm #30323
hi all. I am currently about 11 weeks pregnant with first child and recently separated from the dad. We were dating 2 months before I fell pregnant then in month 3 I ended up going voluntarily into a psychiatric hospital for a week due to suicidal thoughts/ severely low depression as just prior to this he admitted he’d been having doubts about our relationship and had lied about moving in together to raise the baby and obviously this knocked me for six as I was under impression we were going along happy and fine and he was going to be supportive. With my mental health conditions this made me plummet so I voluntarily went in to get some rest and came out a week ago.
when I was in the hospital and for now a week outside the hospital he didn’t once directly contact me to ask how I was and when I asked him to visit he said he was not prepared to and put the phone down on me. This was incredibly cruel and distressing and even though my mum is trying to mediate with his parents he is now saying he won’t come to scans etc or communicate with me using the excuse that I seem angry at him. He is using me sending a couple of angry texts as justification for his emotionally cruel and cold behaviour and he is structuring email responses in clever manipulative ways to make out he was asking after me even when he hasn’t been. My mum has noticed this too and is trying to help me by talking to his dad but the cruelty and manipulation and indifference really hurts me.
He he said he can give minimal financial support when baby is here and share looking after child duties too when baby here but quite frankly the fact he is showing no support; care or compassion now makes me not want to involve him at all when baby is here as what benefit is he with the horrible traits he is displaying now?! I don’t even want to name him on birth certificate but then worry he will try get a legal parental responsibility court order later.
Is there any legal grounds for me to stop his involvement when baby here as I do feel his emotionally cold, uncaring, manipulative behaviour now genuinely makes me not comfortable with him being involved later and I don’t think he deserves to quite frankly as the behaviour has been appalling and cruel. ?? Can anyone advise??
Thank you and hope you’re all ok. This is causing me severe depression, physical unwell and panic and also severe isolation.13 September 2019 at 1:01 am #30328
Hi Sebrah, so sorry you are having such a rough time. Congratulations on the pregnancy.
your ex clearly has mixed feelings about being a dad. To be fair to him, the whole thing has happened quite quickly and it can be a daunting prospect for some people.
i think I’d leave him to get used to the idea. Concentrate on yourself, good diet plenty of fresh air & exercise. You don’t need him there for the scans and you have plenty of time to decide whether he should be on the birth certificate. Take time to enjoy your pregnancy and prepare for baby’s arrival calmly.
When the time comes, if he is still not supportive, I’d leave him off the birth certificate. He can apply to be added if he changes his mind.13 September 2019 at 9:01 am #30330
I am glad you have managed to receive support around your mental health. You can always contact our Single Parent Helpline. They will be able to help you explore what options you have. I am including their details. Please be aware that they helpline may shut a bit earlier today as we are currently going through an office move.
Take good care, Justine