Pregnant and newly single.
22 December 2018 at 8:23 pm #18882
I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and both myself and the ex partner of 13 years have decided to separate as we just can’t get on and we and bringing the worse out in each other.
It’s not an ideal situation but somehow we have to accept we can’t get do it anymore.
I am currently living under the same roof but in different bedrooms. The house is his and only has his name on the mortgage, so basically I am trying to find somewhere suitable for myself and the baby. I have so much stress and anxiety about money as I only have 7 weeks left in work and then I’m on maternity leave. I’m worried I’m not going to cope on maternity pay and how am I supposed to do this on my own.
I feel like at one point I was kidding myself to stay where I’m not happy for the sake of not feeling anxious of doing it alone.8 January 2019 at 9:21 am #19442
im newly in the same boat my husband won’t try counselling or even talking really so both agreed the only option is to separate.
Im 26 weeks pregnant and panicking about how low and isolated I’ll feel when on maternity leave alone.
Its still very raw so I’m struggling too.
Hoping you feel a little better now.
Vic8 January 2019 at 9:44 am #19443
What a situation you both find yourselves in. I didn’t join this site until well after a year after my separation. Its a great place to realise your not alone in what your going through. I had a horrible break up after my ex lied and cheated a number of times after 10 years of marriage. I still miss the family scenario now but at least I had my two boys. I cant imagine the emotions you must be going through, what with being pregnant and dealing with the break up. I totally sympathise with you. I was on my own for 5 months when I lost my job and it was so boring, depressing and lonely.
Vic. Does your husband see counselling as an admitance of failure? Is that why he doesnt want to go maybe? How long have you been separated for now?
Paul8 January 2019 at 10:15 am #19449
I moved out and left my husband last march, a house came up and i didn’t want to miss the opportunity so i moved out 9 months pregnant with my 4 year old and my baby was born 2/3 weeks after. before leaving i made a spreadsheet so that i could see the peaks and throughs with my finances during maternity leave, i only took 6 months off as i couldn’t afford longer,
it was a massive decision, very stressful with money, hard work being on your own, but for me i felt so much better not being in an environment where we were always arguing, feeling angry and sad. its hard but its so much better if that makes sense
so ladies my advise to you is, be strong, where there is a will there is a way, plan as much as you can you that you can find solutions to the obstacles. universal credit was a big help while i was off, i used the benefits calculator on this site so i had a rough idea of what i would get.
take care of your mental state, write a journal, meditate,
i wish you all the best8 January 2019 at 12:26 pm #19455
We had been having difficulties for a long time mainly linked to husbands drinking and socialising habits but things took a seriously bad turn three months ago with him finally saying he was too unhappy to pretend anymore at Christmas – so very recently. He isn’t a very good communicator at all so that could be why he sees no worth in counselling or he just doesn’t want it to work out…I’m not sure!
My mum separated from my dad whilst pregnant with me and she was a part of gingerbread saying it was a small glimmer of hope at the beginning and then a lifeline later on thus why I have turned to the group incredibly fast. Being pregnant I need strength and hope and quickly!
I honestly can’t remember life before meeting my husband as we’ve been together since I was 23 so this no doubt will be one hell of a journey.
Vic8 January 2019 at 1:07 pm #19459
Again, sorry that this has all happened around the holidays. Not great at all.
It seems to me that your in the very early stages, even though you have had problems for some time. So many things change in your mind and heart when you are actually separated. I guess what I mean is, there is every reason for you still to have hope and try hard to get your relationship back on track, if that is what you want of course. My ex at the end, would not go for professional help either, so is difficult to know what to do next until you actually know how he feels. Are you still in contact? Are you resigned to it being over or are you ready to fight for him?
How many years have you been together? Mine was a 10 year marriage, 12 if you include the bad years. Also two children. I am not shocked anymore how unreasonable or unemotional people can be. They just change.
Not nice about your parents, but I guess it means your mum is a good support for you.
What ever your feelings, however sad and devastated you are now… believe me, there is life at the end of it. It isnt easy but hope is there and that is what gets you through. That an knowing you have an amazing sign of hope growing inside of you. I wish I could remember my children as newborns. Make sure you take lots of pictures and videos.9 January 2019 at 11:57 am #19504
How are you doing today?10 January 2019 at 11:07 am #19529
im ok trying to keep busy with work and my eldest daughter.
To answer your question from the previous message we’ve been together for over 10years and still co-habiting currently as he has nowhere to go. I’m looking at taking over the mortgage and buying him out so he is able to move on.
We tried to chat yesterday but I ended up talking to the back of his as head as all of a sudden he couldn’t cope with the planned discussion and went to bed at 7pm. Very strange behaviour.
He just says he doesn’t know what he wants or why he’s feeling like this. Part of me thinks it’s depression but he won’t go get help also I’m unsure as to whether you could genuinely be so cold and cruel to someone you love even if depressed.
Stuck in limbo so just trying to carry on looking after the family as best as I can.
Vic10 January 2019 at 1:03 pm #19532
From my experience, I am going to say that yes, anxiety and depression can lead you to do and say things you normally wouldn’t do. To what extent I am not sure. When I had anxiety I always needed my ex.
He really needs to go and get help. The worst thing for you both would be to look back and wish you had. You will likely never forgive yourselves. Push him. Tell him he has to for his unborn child and you. For his family. Family is everything.
You sound really strong Vic. Your doing an amazing job. Don’t beat yourself up. Try and be supportive if he will go. If not, it sounds like you have a plan and you will make it work whatever.
You sound to me like a great mum and have got your head screwed on.10 February 2020 at 8:52 am #36559
Hi Vic I’m in the same boat. It’s heart wrenching. Actually there’s a cloud of drama surrounding my situation currently and on top of that my “husband” is disrespectful. He makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be involved with me and has told me that he’s no longer happy. I can’t believe how unsupportive he can be now that I’m pregnant. Really makes me feel alone. I’m praying for strength and hope🙂