Pregnant and father has said he doesn't want to be in the baby's life.
26 March 2019 at 4:00 pm #22489
Hey, so basically I am struggling a little.
Back in June, I lost my ex partner. We were together for 12 years, yet I still classed him as my partner, even though we had been split up over a year before he died. It hit me very hard, he was the father to my 13 year old daughter and I really found it hard to do anything.
I moved into a shared house because of mental health, it was a place where women could get the necessary help for themtto recover. There, I met a new girl who moved in and we started going on nights out together and basically spent a lot of time with each other. We became good friends and on a night out, I met a lad (I’ll call him ‘X’), and we talked and to be honest, yes, I slept with him that same night in a hotel.
So, I really had a great time. After all, I’m 31 years old and he’s 21 so I felt great and just amazing having fun with him. We met again and we just drove, all night, around lake vrynwy and lake Bala and we looked at the stars and talked all night, getting to know each other. We started meeting regularly, and we carried on having sex, it was unprotected because I told him I had the coil fitted.
Around the end of October, for some reason he became quite distant, I hardly heard from him and me being quite confused, got very clingy and kept messaging him just to try and get a response. I did act quite desperate but I didn’t know any better and I really liked him and needed a reason why he had become distant.
Long story short, he got back in touch, usually when he wanted sex, or when it was convenient for him.
I, of course, just liked to see him and so, I let myself down by carrying on accepting this behaviour.
He became distant again at another time in November and then came back… I let him. Then Xmas time came and he did it again.
I by this time had fallen in love with him, because despite his behaviour, when we were together, he actually treated me very nicely, he always took me out to nice places and for meals and held the door for me and kissed me and held my hand etc etc.
So for 21, he actually seemed very grown up….but still, immature at the same time.
Anyway at Xmas, I said that I would wish his merry Xmas on Xmas day then I’d leave him be. We weren’t really getting on because his behaviour had made me overbearing and caused me to be quite horrible to him with my words when he continued to treat me like he did. So he said not to bother messaging him at all.
So. I didn’t. I didn’t message him Xmas day.
I then had a message on bocibo Day off him saying that he had been thinking about me blah blah blah and we started seeing each other again. But it was different this time, he seemed like hehactually genuinely wanted me 100%. He came to see me all the time. But, he had quit his job, so that’s maybe why he was like this now and that’s maybe why he used to act like he did; because of his job.
But I don’t know. Anyway, I found out I was pregnant in January, and I messaged him. He came straight away to see me (after some not very calm messages saying stuff like “this cannot be happening, nooooooooo, I can’t believe this…”) and we spoke.
We sort of decided to have an abortion, I was genuinely thinking this was the best idea because of him being so young and us only knowing each other for a few months.
So I booked and attended all necessary appointments to attend in this situation, he came with me to them all. We were still having sex and going for meals etc, he literally came to take me out somewhere every single day. He also fecdeci to tell me loved me…..I really fell for him all over again. He was being very supportive while I was going through this.
Time went on and I started to have mixed feelings about the abortion, I was feeling very different about things and when it came the day to take the tablet (that you are required to take 24 hours before the actual procedure, to open up your cervix) I could not take it and start the process. It was then, that I knew for sure that I was not able to go through with a termination.
So I messaged him, saying that I couldn’t take the tablet. He said he was coming to pick me up and take me for breakfast so we could talk.
He came, we went to breakfast and he bought me a bunch of pink roses. We got back in his car and he said “right, now we need to talk”. I told him that I could not take the tablet and he said “well, I want you to take it, I don’t want a baby, I can’t have a baby”. So I said “X, I can’t take the tablet or go through with the abortion”. He then totally changed, hrsaid we can’t have a baby because to have a baby with someone you have to be there 100% of the time and have a baby with someone you love but he said that isn’t me, because he doesn’t see a future with me….so even though I was sitting there really confused as to why he has told me he loved me if he doesn’t see a future with me, I kept my mouth shut about that and said “you may not see a future with me, but I cannot abort the baby, I will bring it up, in fact it’s your decision if you don’t want to stick around”, obviously of course, I was hoping and expecting him to say he would. But anyway, he went mad and sort of pushed his hand quite hard into my forehead, sort of not like a punch but hard enough to be aggressive and make me feel scared.
So he put his hands on me and said “im not having another man raising my child”!! I said that I didn’t say that, I just said that I wud raise it without him if I had to.
He then started shouting and saying “im taking you home and you are gonna take that tablet, else they won’t be able to do the abortion”, so I tried getting out of the car and he drove away before i could. When we got to the traffic lights up the road, I got out of the car and he shouted “you best f**king take that tablet when you get home…”!!! I shouted that I wasn’t going to back at him as he had to drive away. He turned into my street expecting me to walk home up there, so I carried on going straight and went towards the shops, I got on the phone to another one of my housemates and told her what had happened and that I was upset and that he didn’t take the newx too well. I then saw X driving up the street, so I turned and walked the opposite direction, he drove past again and shouted for me to get in the car now, so I ignored him and carried on in the other direction once again. My housemate told me to stay on the phone, she was trying to calm me down. I then couldn’t see him anywhere until he literally came running over on foot, ranting and raving at me in my face, I was walking around him but was scared because he was just so loud and tall and towering over me while he was screaming at me that I can’t have this kid, that I’m not who we wants a kid with, that it’s ok for me cuz I will get ‘extra money every week’, and other hurtful things basically. Saying he doesn’t want to be with me or me to have this baby, it will ruin his life etc. I got all the way to the shop and he screamed at me that much that I said I’d take the abortion tablet, JUST to get him away from me because I was scared, he then screamed in front of everyone in the street…. “if you don’t take that f**king tablet when you get home, see what happens Laura, f**king see what happens, I’ll go F**KING MENTAL, DO U HEAR ME?? F**KING MENTAL!!!”….
As he was shouting this, my housemate came running around the corner and told him to get away from me, get in his car and go home. He told her to “talk some sense into her” (me)….then he went.
I was shook. I was confused, I was so scared of what I just witnessed him acting like and I was upset all at the same time. All the things he had said, he said he felt tricked etc and you know what? I felt heartbroken, because he had treated me so nice throughout the days before the ‘abortion’. I now realise that he had put all that extra effort and the ‘i love you’s’ because he thought he could try and keep me happy to ensure I had the termination. So I felt totally used and horrible. He would have let me go through the abortion even if I didn’t want to, then face the guilt and mental health problems and depression afterwards and just left me to it, because he had no reason to stay anymore. He would have done that, I relais