Pregnant and due to be a single Mum

[mlyates2794]

Hi Guys, I am currently 3 months pregnant and my boyfriend has left me, he has said that he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby at all. I am really struggling but know I need to get to grips with the fact that I am going to be a single Mum. My friends and family think its just a freak out and he will eventually come round. Is there anyone out there in a similar situation? I’m looking to make new friends and find someone to talk to. Anyone?!</span>

[Empty]

Hi ML,

Can’t claim to be in the same situation at all, but welcome to the forum and keep posting – you’ll find lots of companionship and advice when you need it. Obviously your ex-partner will still need to pay their dues when the baby comes along. I don’t believe he’ll come around, but knowing he’s paying may make him want access at some point. I think anyone leaving at 3 months into pregnancy isn’t going to be reliable any time, but that’s just my view.

All the best.

[mlyates2794]

Hi Thank you for your reply. Thats what I am worried about. If he doesn’t come round during this time then I don’t want to put him on the birth certificate and I don’t want to claim any money from him because that will give him easier access if he decided down the line that he wants to be involved surely?

[Empty]

Fair enough, good reasoning. You seem very strong to go without any contact with him – good for you. At least you have good family and friends around you. Take it from me, the guy’s an idiot. You don’t know how much room there can be in your heart until you hold a new-born baby in your arms and say “welcome, I’ll do my best, sorry in advance for the things I’ll get wrong”.

[Stj123]

It may be a freak out but prepare yourself either way, I was pregnant with my exes third child when I found out my partner was still leading a double life and having an affair he said he ended years before, try to look after yourself stress hormones can exaggerate your already emotional state and bring labour on earlier etc. Being a single parent is hard but not as hard as being with someone who doesn’t want to be with you or support their child, you and baby deserve better and you can manage but be accepting of any support off family and friends dont make things harder on yourself it’s ok to feel scared and uncertain about the future that’s just normal. As for parental responsibility on birth certificate if he wanted it he could go to court anyway but don’t deny yourself what your baby is entitled too in terms of financial support as kids are expensive and being a lone parent needs some careful budgeting. Maybe get some advice about your rights and in the meantime look after yourself. Is there any reason you are wary about him having access? Or is is just him being unreliable? If he is just freaking out it’s possible he might be a better dad than he’s been a partner! Although right now his actions suggest otherwise , hope it works out ok for you stay strong!

[mlyates2794]

I mean, we will see what happens in the next 6 months. His family will have access but I don’t see why I should give him access to our child when he has no interest or bother at all? I think the best thing i could do (if he really doesn’t bother at all) is give him the option to be on the birth certificate. if he says no, fine and if he says yes fine. I have done a bit of research as looks like i can claim child support either way..

[Empty]

You can claim CS either way, but I would suggest not mentioning the birth certificate and not putting him on it – that can cause him problems down the line if he suddenly starts to claim parental rights you might want to police. Just a thought.

[mlyates2794]

This site is amazing, thank you so much. There’s so much information out there but it’s nice to talk to real people about it

[Cherrytree]

Hi I’m in a very similar situation to you my ex just walked out saying he can’t cope with the pressure I’m just 3 months everyone is sayin it’s a man freak out but I think he’s gone for good my emotions are all over the place and I guess I just have to wait .

[Florenceorsebastian]

I’m in  similar shoes too, is he coming to your first scan? X

[Cherrytree]

He says he wants to but isn’t sure he wants the baby but the pressure is all to much x

[BeckyLou]

I’m also in same position. I’m 4 months pregnant and 2 weeks ago he said he didn’t want baby or relationship. I went to see him this weekend and it was fine and then I left and he was back to ‘I don’t want this’ so I am leaving him to it now even though it’s really hard. I would like it to work but I know deep down it’s not worth it.

He also came to first scan and he did change his opinion once he saw the scan and I thought it would be okay but it’s back to before.

[Jae]

Hi

I’m in a similar situation at 21 weeks now only we weren’t together in the first place so on one hand I don’t have the worry or heart ache of getting over a break up but I’m worried about my relationship with the baby because of the lack of feelings in my situation. There is no contact between us at all.

It seems like there are slot of people willing to offer their support and that’s so nice to see and hear. Are you having contact with the father?

[ourproject]

It really saddens my heart to hear about all these fathers not wanting to know their baby 🙁

[Sherinam]

There are mothers who don’t want their children too.  I was 5 months pregnant and on my own.  I work and we have a lovely home and everything I do is for my girl . Seeing her happy and content is the best thing. I can’t show her a miserable face because I’m sad inside because she never has a bad day . My ex will take all his money to the grave with him. My daughter is not his child but i worked like a man and never claimed benefits in my life.  He had money  in different bank accounts and was taking porn s actresses on holidays so I  had to pay him to keep our home.  This is what the judge ruled !

[Author]

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