Pregnant and alone
30 June 2018 at 11:27 am #12818
Hi everyone, I’m 16 weeks pregnant with my first and long story short…. the baby’s dad doesn’t want to know. We were together almost 2 years and he has 2 children from a previous relationship, who I accepted and treated as my own.
He changed his mind a number of times during our relationship about having a baby. Since falling pregnant he has taken no responsibility whatsoever, placing all the blame on me. He seems so cold and full of hate at the moment that it’s hard to get his words out of my head.
I’m struggling to accept the end of the relationship whilst trying to stay positive and healthy for the sake of the baby who I love and care for so much already.
So far I’ve gone through the pregnancy alone with the support of friends and family but the prospect of the next 5 months alone not to mention the birth and having a newborn is filling me with so much sadness.
I work full time but find it really hard when I’m home alone to stay happy and positive. Any ideas welcome!1 July 2018 at 10:55 pm #12841
Sorry To hear that. I wasn’t in a relationship with baby’s Dad we were casual still makes me sick tho he doesn’t wanna be involved. His gf, yes he was cheating on her with me, has kids who he says see him as their Dad. He also has other kids of his own. Told me he dont want anymore and was my fault. Urghhh the anger I have but I’m gettin on with my life with my son. He is fab but it’s very tough.
You will have the best times with you baby and be so proud you are doing it on your own. I have friends and family who help me out no end but I admitted times get tough and ask for help and just tell people I find it hard on my own. That’s all you can do. I do need a little bit of me time but that’s ok too. Although time for me usually means washin or cleaning or shopping. Don’t just go out or have fun which is a far cry from couple of years ago. Also everyone I know has someone and they don’t rly comprehend how I feel
Advice is you have To be honest and take help if you need it. Speak To people. I’m always txtin someone To save Feelin lonely xx2 July 2018 at 10:44 pm #12897
11 months a ago I was alone with a 4 year old and a new born, my ex dumped me when she was couple weeks old, I worked full time as a cleaner and tbh the whole relationship I was alone doing everything. But I just wanted you to know despite the embarrassment of having two different fathers and the vile sly experience I’ve had dealing with the ex. I’ve come out on top it. Look up law off attraction it’s helped me see life in a different suspective. Also He could just be scared and decide to turn up when your precious bundle arrives5 July 2018 at 5:55 pm #13011
Just wanted to say thank you for your responses. Some helpful ideas and also really good to hear other people’s experiences.
I have moments of feeling really strong and positive until it hits me again. I guess that’s just something I’ll get used to.
My baby is my main priority now!!!6 July 2018 at 9:40 pm #13064
Congratulations on your baby. I feel your pain as I was in your position not that many months ago. I am sorry to hear you have such a challenge on your hands. I know it can be very scary and lonely going through a pregnancy on your own. For me it wasn’t my first but I had a terrible pregnancy which was difficult on my own. I had my son 3 weeks ago today and although it’s difficult just hang in there as a promise it will be worth it.8 July 2018 at 9:20 pm #13116
It will take a long time. Don’t beat yourself up. Chin up and keep looking towards a bright future for you and the baby.11 July 2018 at 10:03 pm #13289
I just wanted to write to say hang in there…it does get better and you’ve got so much to look forward to. I was in a alone during my first pregnancy recently and completely understand how scary and lonely it can be. Nearly one year on now, I look back and as hard as it was, I can honestly say it was all worth it & i feel so lucky to have my baby girl & be looking forward now to our future together.
The good thing about becoming a new Mum is it’s a great time to meet new friends. Have you joined an Antenatal group? I wasn’t sure about going alone but it was a great way to meet a group who have been my lifeline as we all learned how to be a mum. Also when the dads go back to work it’s just the mums out & about during the week anyways so you don’t feel any different
As much as I agree with cutting contact with your ex until you’re feeling stronger, I would recommend discussing & agreeing a few things before your baby is born..such as the birth, registration, names & contact. As much as he says he doesn’t want to be involved, he may change his mind & that sort of stuff may be easier to agree before your baby is born than when you’re exhausted, hormonal & have your hands full with your gorgeous bundle.
Keep strong & positive as much as you can, but also remember it’s ok to be sad some days knowing soon there’ll be so many happy days to come17 July 2018 at 10:15 pm #13553
I’m new to the site but just wanted to let you know that I joined for this very reason…im currently 21 weeks and on my own. I have the so many fears, it’s also my first and I’m worried about not feeling how I should when she gets here due to the situation. Suppose I’m just hoping for reassurance that it all turns out ok in the end and wanted to give you reassurance you’re not alone x20 July 2018 at 8:36 pm #13648
I had those fears I have nothing but love for my little one but still anger towards the baby’s Dad but he will never be involved. I don’t want him round my son but I never denied him the chance. He reckons I’m weak or pathetic but we all know it’s him. It’s massively tough being a single mum but with family at friends I have a lot of help and ask for it if in need it you should too20 July 2018 at 9:17 pm #13650
I was on my own when i was 5 months pregnant. No parents alive and sister living far away . I have been back at work since my daughter was 10 months old and she starts reception in September. It is hard work but when they are born & you just concentrate on child but it does get better and you don’t look back . I love seeing my daughter happy and content and not in a toxic environment. My barrister today me to focus on my child and all will be well.30 August 2020 at 1:45 am #43362
I jus wanna say m in tears too as i write this.I got pregnant for the man I believed was the one…when I told him I was pregnant he told me he was fine with it….2months down the lane he told me he can’t stay with me anymore ..he jus want to stay alone…so he rented an apartment for me where he comes wenever it’s him who feels like it….some days wen I needed him I ‘ll call him and he will be with woman in the house drinking and having fun and would tell me not to call him at certain times .he knows there is nothing I can do because I depend on him and i I am scared to tell him that I want out cz he will stop or threaten to stop paying my apartment rent…m going for 6 months pregnant now and I am depressed because this aint life…its notwat I signed up for..him coming to me only for sex …am scared to say no …am a mess….would have been easier if I was independent …he wouldn’t b taking advantage of me like this….please help me…m trapped…wish I had family but I don’t. ..m just some girl who thought by finding him I had found family in a foreign country.But m going through so much pain30 August 2020 at 11:20 am #43369
Please forget about him, try to be happy, get help and the most important thing: Don´t put his name on the bith certificate. My ex is a bully, I share custody and now my daughter who is 10 is not happy at his house and it is not a good environment for her. I honestly say this to all my friends: Nobody knows what it si to share custody, to have to share some expenses, to have to communicate with someone you would love to forget about…. I know that your situation is difficult now but in the long run I believe that the sooner you cut the cord with that person the better will be. Good luck!!30 August 2020 at 11:24 am #43370
Regarding 43362, I am a foreigner like you . I work and I am not on full benefits but in this country you can get help. Specially is you are pregnant and single. Have you tried citizen´s advice?. Have you tried to get help regarding benefits?. That would be my first call and then I would try to be independient from that person. It is bad that you depend on him. I am European, not sure about your background. I wish you luck!!30 August 2020 at 12:00 pm #43371
I am here for the exact same reason. I have recently broken up with my bf as we were only arguing and he was telling me how I am supposed to live my life all the time. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant a few days ago. I haven’t told him yet. I am a foreigner too and work 100%, not on a very high salary. So I don’t have family to rely on. My biggest fear is childcare and rent, really scared I won’t be able to pay all alone. Sorry I do not have any tips for you but if you want to talk I’m here :). Also, if anyone is in London and wants to share a place or a nanny, let me know :). Good luck everyone30 August 2020 at 12:24 pm #43372
Life sucks sometimes…but I feel it’s better if you have an income than me…m jobless which makes him comfortable to do as he pleases on me…