Pregnant , already a single mum & confused
17 March 2021 at 10:27 am #51600
I just joined this morning after looking for advice online. Feel free to skip to the bottom because it’s a bit long.
im a single mum to a 3 year old and I am in a very on off relationship with his father. I have always lived by myself and raising my son with occasional visits from his father. We started dating over 4 years ago and broke up when our son was 1. It’s been on and off since. I am a single parent in my opinion as he does not contribute to my child’s upbringing physically, emotionally, financially. I am, in hindsight, stupid for allowing any relationship when he doesn’t even live with me or look after our son.
I just found out I’m pregnant (around 6 weeks) and he does not want another baby at all. He wants me to terminate the pregnancy as he believes it will (in his words) f his head up. Because he is “mentally not ready”. I genuinely don’t feel I should terminate as I’ve wanted another child for so long and my son is so lonely with no other kids or family children like cousins to play with. I don’t have a full time job but I work every holiday and save- I just moved to a two bed property and I believe I can make it work. I just don’t want to do it alone.
I guess I’m just asking for any advice as to if I’m being selfish for wanting another child if I know the dad doesn’t want one at all. I don’t want to affect the relationship he has with our son already if I have another.17 March 2021 at 12:50 pm #51610
My opinion as a man, make a baby, take care of your baby…it’s such a complicated concept for most men…..your body, your choice….if you love being a mother, then be a mother…it’s really the mother’s choice…..but when a man wants to make his best effort, be kind…most men don’t understand what it means for a humans whole body to change in a matter of a few weeks….
I have faced a very different issue as an American man, I have never shied away from parenthood…..even years ago when I was just 18…..
Do what you feel is right, you can’t do any better than that….17 March 2021 at 8:02 pm #51639
Your not being selfish for wanting another child. Quite the opposite. Can understand your worried about the dynamics with your ex and your son but thats for your ex to deal with. You maybe shouldnt let what you want pass you by because your worried about things outside of your control? Forget if that will mess with his head. He put it,he deals with it. Thats how life works.17 March 2021 at 9:54 pm #51648
Thankyou for your replies. Often advice from strangers who don’t judge the situation really helps. I do want the baby. I think I’m scared of everyone just constantly judging me including both our families because they know I already had a baby by myself first time round and got left alone and now again I’m doing the same thing. Life feels very uncertain and I’m so stressed out about the pregnancy that I just want to hide it for as long as I can! I think that means I’ve already made up my mind about keeping the baby, and saying it out loud also scares me a LOT.
It’s very easy for a man to just say they don’t want a baby when in reality, they somehow have the ability to walk away at any point and it’s us mums who stay put with our children until they’re grown. Very odd how men are able to do this and it’s considered normal. My in laws don’t bat an eyelid at their son not looking after our child like a normal dad. Not just weekends! It’s bizarre!21 March 2021 at 3:42 pm #51804
Having another child is a blessing for you and your son. You’ve already proven to yourself that you can do it. X