Pregnant, alone and scared

[hbeech]

Hello all,

So i found out i was pregnant on sunday. Two days after my partner of 3 years ended our relationship and walked out, leaving our home. It was all completely unexpected.

I feel so alone and trying to come to terms with the pregnancy and break up is overwhelming.

My ex has made it clear he does not want this child. He already has twins with his ex wife and keeps on telling me to think of the pressure and stress i would be putting on him and his children.

I work unfriendly shift work, with an hour long commute. I have a mortgage on my house and pay for it myself and have our dog to look after.

I dont have a family support network.

If money wasn’t an issue i would keep this baby in a heartbeat. But it just feels like with owning my own house and working full time the odds are stacked against me and support is more limited than if i didnt. How can i keep this baby and manage to work so i can keep a roof over our heads? Let alone afford childcare for the working hours? Is there any way i can do this?

Any advice or help would be appreciated.

[H]

Hi sorry to hear of your situation I do not understand how your ex can say he doesn’t want this baby it takes 2 to make 1 the fact he has twins with his ex wife is besides the point. A break up is very hard I’m over a year on now feeling alot happier with life now but still have a hard time with my ex husband things are far from amicable. I would say if money is the only issue as to you deciding whether to keep your baby or not there are things that your ex will still be responsible for does he work because even if he doesn’t want to help bring your baby up he is still responsible for child maintenance and matetnity pay for 9 months you will also be entitled to family allowance and also if you work between 16-24 hours you may be eligible for child/working tax credits depending on your income amount you will also be able to single occupancy on your council tax which will reduce that abit I rent so I don’t know if your ex is eligible to help with the mortgage to keep a roof over your child’s head please don’t make any harsh decisions on anger or while you are still emotional due to your break up give yourself time and look after yourself.

[hbeech]

Thank you for the reply and advice.

The house and mortgage is mine, he is not involved in it – he just lived here. So has no ties to pay it.

Unfortunately my hours would be a full working week so a lot of benefits i would lose out on.

I am struggling to process both the breakup and the baby – my emotions are all over the place. I feel completely let down by him and shocked at the breakup.

I don’t want to rush any decisions but am just worrying about everything with very little support

[Louclare]

My daughter’s dad left when I found out I was pregnant I went through pregnancy and birth alone as also don’t have great family backup…it was hard but she’s perfect , 5 months ago her dad suddenly wanted to be her dad mostly due to his new gf family looking badly on him.

[Louclare]

My daughter’s dad left when I found out I was pregnant I went through pregnancy and birth alone as also don’t have great family backup…it was hard but she’s perfect , 5 months ago her dad suddenly wanted to be her dad mostly due to his new gf family looking badly on him.

[Stevie35]

I’m so sorry for your situation, my partner left when my baby was 7 weeks old but checked out of the relationship before she was born and our daughter was planned.

You will be amazed at how you can make things work, with a little cut back here and there. Would you be able to cut your hours down once the baby arrived? It’s mental but I’m actually better off working 3 days a week and getting support than I am if I worked full time. Citizens advice will be able to let you know if you would be entitled to any support.

As someone else has mentioned your ex is liable for child maintenance wether he likes it or not.

Dont let him try and influence your decision by saying it’s stress for him and his other children.

Dont rush your decision, you have a few weeks. Take care of yourself

[Becki]

I totally feel for you! I’m currently 33 weeks, working full time, and having to juggle mortgage etc. My nearest family are 2 hours away, and because I haven’t been in the company long enough to receive SMP, I’m going to have to take a very short maternity leave as I cannot afford to keep a roof over our heads on MA alone. I’m currently investigating whether childcare is feasible cost-wise, or whether I’m going to have to take my baby to family and leave him there for 2-3 days at a time while I work. But I think the advice already suggested is good… don’t make any decisions while you feel angry and vulnerable.

[Terry5363]

Hi, I read your situation and i find it sad that your ex is trying to put the burden of making a decision on your shoulders.  Firstly your ex is responsible for maintaining and providing for your child. Breakups make us vulnerable and its important not to make decisions while you are upset. Take time to have a good think and do what is best for you. Not having a support network can be tough, maybe there is a gingerbread group near you? They wont heal the pain but they can support and make you feel you are not alone. Your GP may be able to offer support, counselling services in the short term to guide you through and see some light at the end of the tunnel? I`m a single dad and had my boy since birth and it isnt always easy but it is rewarding. All said do what is right for you. Warmest thoughts      T

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