Positively Hanging on

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Lian 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #34745 Report

    TunaMayo
    Participant

    Hi gingerbreads,

    This is my second post after my 1st, “reaching out”.

    If u fancy a glimpse of it just type reaching out on online search or check out my profile.

    Reading most posts here, they have a common theme and resonate with many…loneliness after divorce, separation etc.

    Fortunately I’m a very positive n tenacious individual n despite the odds, I’m hopeful.

    My 2 children keep me going, as a team.

    Unfortunately, I have come to realise it’s very hard to forge new friendships with adults, an experience many of u here will agree on.

    Which leads me to the question, “is it really this hard to reconnect??”

    No prizes for answering, but am sure most av asked themselves this very question…

     

    #34762 Report

    Hi Tunamayo

    I’m one of the moderators here.  Its good to see you posting again and hopefully it won’t be too long before other parents make contact.  A good tip to get chatting with others is to comment on other posts with areas that you may have experience or interest in.  Hope it is not too long before you are chatting.

    Justine

    #34774 Report

    TunaMayo
    Participant

    @jessicajones. You couldn’t have echoed this issue any better. Bless u .. we’re superheroes aren’t we??

    But sometimes superheroes need or at least want wingmen/women, to feel acknowledged, emotionally supported n of coarse whole.

    Everyone deserves a bit of happiness in their lives,n clearly our past relationships didn’t provide that.

    Is throwing in the towel the answer gingerbreads??

    #34780 Report

    EmmaJ84
    Participant

    I understand what you mean about the loneliness completely. I’ve found it gets harder, not easier. My husband quite unexpectedly walked out on me 2 months ago when I was 5 months pregnant. To begin with family and friends were great, really supportive and there for me. But a few months down the line and the support, phone calls etc have died down. Which I totally understand, people have their own lives, and its been Christmas so I’m not knocking anyone at all. But I’m still here, and if I’m honest I’m still completely beside myself. People keep telling me ‘it will get better’ and ‘you’re such a strong woman you’ll be ok’. I smile and nod, but inside I’m screaming. Because nothing is getting better, and I’m really not that strong. I put on a front, but inside I feel scared, weak and broken. And I feel now like I cant talk to anyone about how I really feel, because they are fed up of me talking about it, and if I’m constantly down and depressed people will start avoiding me completely as they dont want to hear it.

    And as for making new friends, I’m just not in the right head space to do it. And no one is going to want to befriend me at the moment, I’m not exactly a barrel of laughs right now! And of course theres part of me that actually doesn’t want any new friends! I was happy with my old life, and I didn’t want anything to change.

    I’m just really struggling with everything right now, and cant see how anything will get better. I cant even get excited about my baby arriving, because it fills me with anxiety and dread. But again I cant tell my family or friends that because they’ll think I’m a horrible person. I expect whoever reads this will think the same too. But I have to offload somewhere. I’m sorry I had to do it here on your post. I’m desperately trying to be positive, but its getting increasingly difficult.

    #34784 Report

    Kath
    Participant

    Can I throw my pennies worth in.

    I have a 14 year old son, I became a single parent when he was 3. I haven’t had a relationship with a man since then let alone any sex in a long time but I’m fine without the sex, way over rated anyway. I always think it’s like trying to swim, flail your arms and legs about in an attempt to make it look like you know what your doing 🙂

    I have been thru all sorts of situations as a single parent, way too many to get into on here, and I’m still positively hanging on in there. I think people see me as a strong person but that’s a bit of a front, I’m really quite fragile in some ways. I have realized over time that there is only one person I can count on and that’s me. There is no one who calls for a chat or a cuppa altho my eldest son (35) will, very rarely, book a skype with me, we’ll have a cuppa and a catch up on skype. But honestly it’s just me each and every day.

    At the beginning of Dec I was attacked. I was well shaken up by it. I went to see the Dr and she said I should have some talk therapy to help deal with it. I’m not in the habit of talking about how I feel, I keep things very much to myself and deal with stuff myself so this talk therapy idea is so alien to me. I’m in a bit of a weird situation with it, not really sure if I should go ahead with it or not; not really sure if it will have any answers or not.

    Yes I too think we are superheros, unsung superheros. We have to remember that it is because of us that there is food on the table for our children; it is because of us that our children get to school on time each day in clean clothes, it is because of us that our children get the love they need each and everyday and are safe in bed every night; it is because of us that our children will grow up to be the adult that cares about others. We are the ones, not anyone else, who make all these things happen. Boy are we great or what.

     

     

    #34797 Report

    TunaMayo
    Participant

    Hi gingerbread,

    Boy, I be4 I posted this post, I wasnt sure its gonna touch as many pple as I has. But what I was sure of is it’s not only myself undergoing the experience.

    Ur courage to soldier on and musk the interior by putting a brave front is remarkable.

    @emmaj84 , no judgement, who am I to??

    It got me thinking, whatever anyone of us is undergoing,  it’s the universe depending on ur beliefs that has dealt us.

    Make lemonade with what u perceive is a lemon UV bn dealt with. Pple can av all company around em and still feel unappreciated.

    It’s ok to be alone,  we just happen to be sociable animals, but happiness is self reflective. After all nothing n no one can bring one happiness.

    If anything else comes along the journey it’s a bonus.

     

    #34810 Report

    Pumpkin62
    Participant

    Kath – so sorry to hear you were attacked, sounds horribly scary, glad you’re doing ok. Can I suggest you try out the Talk Therapy – when my ex walked out, my GP recommended therapy and I’m lucky to have private healthcare cover through work so could get assessed an approved for it very quickly. I am a very private person, I put on an outgoing / confident persona in public and everyone always thinks I’m doing great, even when I feel like the worlds falling apart. Anyway, I went to my first therapy session not expecting anything, I am still going 10 months later and I can safely say it’s the one thing that’s helped me in dealing with my situation. Try it out, you can always give it up if you don’t think it’s for you. Look after yourself.

    #34823 Report

    Kath
    Participant

    Thanks Pumpkin, I have to give it a try don’t I. No point in being in a situation that I can’t find a way passed and then say no to help that is offered to help me get thru all this, it would be a pretty stupid thing to do in my books.

    #34827 Report

    TunaMayo
    Participant

    Hi gingerbreads,

    I am so glad that I opened this “can of worms ” abt positivity inspite what we have bn dealt.

    It’s encouraging to read how we are willing ourselves to face the challenges head on. More so the humanity factor of encouraging n advising each other.

    When I decided to put an end to my abusive marriage n become a single parent especially to the daughter who was 5 then, I wasn’t sure I would make good of things. 4 yrs on, have bn vindicated. Kids are flourishing n am in much happier place.

    As @jessicajones put it, throwing in the towel ain’t an option. One step at a time, and not worrying about what’s out of our control.

    #34835 Report

    Lian
    Participant

    @tunamayo Exactly.  It’s A to B, not A to Z.  That’s been something I’ve held on to!

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