Positive stories of only children with separated parents

[Robsheffield]

Hi everyone,

looking for positive stories about children, especially only children, from separated families. Why?!

So I guilt myself/ hate myself at times for making the decision to split last year. And it’s all to do with my 3 year old son. He is happy, I genuinely think that, but sometimes has the odd cry when I go. I worry he misses me, and I hate not being with him. I don’t like the fact he hasn’t got a sibling when other people I know have the 2 kids ect.We coparent well, both are amazing parents and I see him a fair bit each week.

Thanks

rob

[BluebirdSue]

Hi Rob

I don’t know if this counts but here goes. I split up with my sons father nearly 13 years ago now. I raise him and now me and my ex are on ok terms.

Mums and dads need to be happy as well so they can be better people and parents 😀

[Hope76]

Hi Robsheffield. I spilt up with my sons father 5yrs ago now…my son is 5, almost 6. Of course at the beginning I felt terribly guilty – but you need to let that go!
children are so so adaptable & resilient, my little boy once cried & said he wanted mommy & daddy to live together so I kindly explained that mommy & daddy are happier not living together – which makes things better for him! I explained families come in all shapes & sizes lol

I told him he was very lucky to have two families!
he is very happy, his life is filled with love, he has fun with me then fun with his dad. I am age  appropriately Truthful with him if ever he asks anything but to be honest he rarely does! It’s just the way it is

your little one will be absolutely fine, as long as you are happy & show him lots of love then he will be happy

[Robsheffield]

Thanks both for your responses. Fills me with hope. He is happy now and I need to believe he will be !

[Mum2aTeen]

So I’ve had the same feelings as you. Ideally I would have liked another child but I’ve found it difficult to find someone as I just simply do not trust (bitten too many times)! But it hurts me to think my daughter is on her own and she really does feel lonely!

So ive decided to get her a puppy. I’ve looked into this and how certain breeds are loving and affectionate, so I’m hoping that will help a bit. We pick him up in a few weeks 🙂

[Danny Cole]

That sounds like a terrible idea to me. I know plenty of people who have done the same and have ended selling the dog. Puppies are not easy. You should get a dog because you love dogs and are willing to commit no matter what, not gift them like a toy.

[Danny Cole]

I was recently wondering the same with my 2-year-old as she’s an only child; and Curious George seems to be her best friend! A friend pointed out that guilt and worrying are only useful for letting you know there’s a potential problem to address. Other than that, it’s just a pointless, bad feeling. So do what you must for a mental reset and think about what you can do about it, as guilt and worry blocks creative thinking. Now, toddlers are extremely resilient so I wouldn’t worry too much. Right now the key thing is to get them reading, writing, talking and let them be curious little scientists without letting them get too close to death. I’m no expert and I’ve yet to go through the whole raising kids process, but here are some ideas that helped to be at peace:

Think about all the wisdom you learned throughout life. How much of it did you learn in school? Teach your son in his teen years all the wisdom schools don’t teach and you’ll be way ahead of the herd, because most parents rely on schools to do the teaching. But schools are there to have students memorise data (95% they forget) and squash creativity and curiosity [feel free to ask for evidence] as it is designed to produce obedient factory workers. Also if you take him to clubs/activities he will learn better social skills than most others, as he will have to introduce himself and get engaged regularly. Finally, when he’s older, tell him that most people are waiting to be told what to do next. Tell your son it’s up to him to lead the way and introduce everybody to one another. After all, toddlers will happily spend time with crafty stuff, but the job of a parent is to prepare them for life when they no longer live with us.

As for the split, I’ve seen kids grow up happily with separated parents, and plenty of kids bitter in a household where parents are unhappily married. If you’re in a good place, you’ll be a better parent, otherwise your stress will come out, like it or not. Especially with men; we typically lack patience and maternal drive compared to the ladies. Moms are ‘wired’ to show affection and coo over little ones, whereas dads are wired to provide and protect – it’s evolutionary biology. I mean, how often do males ask to babysit? I love that you give credit to the other parent, that’s definitely a good sign! And I wouldn’t worry about a toddler missing you, I’ve no doubt you are at home worrying while your son is painting away merrily, not even thinking about you at all. Sorry! haha

[Mum2aTeen]

Thanks for your opinion Dannycole.

Believe me it’s not “gifting like a toy” as you call it – I’m not that naive thank you!

I’ve had 2 dogs previously so I am fully aware of the commitment, my last dog died when she was younger, so it is highly unlikely I will fall in the category of the people you have known to give them up. The difference this time is that I have done a lot of research about the type of breed for companionship/affection.

[Erin01]

Hey Rob,

 

I agree completely with the – if you are both happier you will give more to your little one. If you are not happy in your relationship children pick up on it, and no child deserves to have that sort of felling or worry. As long as he always knows you are there when you need him and how much you love him he will be fine. Stay strong!

[Robsheffield]

Thanks everyone!

[Sylvie]

• I once felt the same when my son was growing up and rarely seeing his dad. At one time, he even woke up in the night to ask where dad was. I had to do alot of explanation to comfort him
• But as time went by, i got the courage to stop the self blame and love myself more. This has created peace and happiness in my life.
• Just flash it out of your mind, you will feel more free.
• X

[Robsheffield]

Hi Sylvie, thanks for this. Do you think he would have said that if he had seen has dad more? Sorry if that’s a horrible question but I see him 3/4 times a week. Thanks

[Hope76]

I think 3-4 times a week is great, That’s 50/50. Does he have any sleep overs ?

[Robsheffield]

Yeh I have him 2 times over night. I have him for a few hours after nursery Monday, tuesday eve overnight, Friday evening from 4 overnight until Saturday at 5.30.

not bad hey!

[Hope76]

Well Robsheffield I think you are doing a fab job…! I do not think you have anything to worry about, that is more than enough time to form a really strong bond..!
Good for you..! I think you need to stop worrying, relax & enjoy your time with your boy

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