Please help! Husband left me!
20 February 2021 at 9:53 pm #49754
I’m absolutely heartbroken. I have been with my husband for 16. We’ve been together since we were 17. Childhood sweethearts, soulmates. I adore him. He was kind, caring, loving my best friend. He never lied. I would have bet my life on him being faithful. And spending the rest of our lives together. We had so many plans.
Last September I knew something was different with him, he said that things had changed between us and the spark had gone and to work on it. We had two small children 4 and 2 ( the 2 year old was only 1 at the start) For months I caught him out in lies about a girl from work, found her knickers in his suitcase. He works away a lot for work so was staying away with her. In April he left and said there was nobody else and it was only because he didn’t feel the same. Since June we’ve been trying to fix things, having family day’s out, him staying over at the family home, having regular sex. He said that his feelings hadnt changed yet but still to try for the sake of our children and family life.
Then my life fell apart again. I found evidence he had been having an a affair.
He’s admitted that they both have feelings for each other.
I’m devastated beyond words and I want to die. I can’t imagine my life without him.
Then a few weeks later. He wanted to come back, said all the right things. That it was a mistake, midlife crisis that he got caught up and didn’t really have feelings for her etc. We’ve had a lovely Christmas as a family. Booked holidays for later this year, talked about getting a house extension etc
Now he’s just said that he’s still in love with her, that he’s not in love with me. He’s been trying to stop his feelings for her but he can’t. That he wants his life with her. That he loves her.
I’m so broken again and I feel so so empty.
He came back and made me happy again, I thought things were great. The children are happy and feel happier. The children will really affected by this.
Now he’s left me again and I’m at rock bottom and the children are going to be affected again.
It’s going to hurt so much more now because I know how happy we are and how nice it feels to be together again.
I need help.21 February 2021 at 10:18 am #49774
Please I need help21 February 2021 at 10:26 am #49775
Unless you nip it in the bud hes going to keep coming back and leaving again. He clearly dont love the other woman as he is already being unfaithful to her already which shows that your partner/ex partner is no longer the person you have been with all these years.
It is difficult, but with restrictions soon being lifted and life getting slowly back to normal. It maybe the time to only have contact for child arrangements and end the relationship for good. I know its going to be hard, but this isnt a one off incident . its a re-0ccuring one21 February 2021 at 1:34 pm #49782
it makes me angry to read this. Be strong you dont deserve this. He sounds like a right dog. Lepoards dont change their spots, dont let him back. U are worth so much more, all you can do is be their for you kids/ get support from friends and family via phone for yourself. Also dont let the kids think that this is right behaviour. Hope you are ok times a healer ( ano this is the last thing you want to hear)21 February 2021 at 4:40 pm #49797
He had an affair.He took your relationship and ruined it.I don’t like to be harsh to you bc everything hurts,I know it does,but what you should be crying about here is how you somehow were fooled.He’s not the loving person you thought.And that’s horrible.But it’s not nice to see you so dependent on someone who can treat you badly!! Can you please stop? Can you not see he isn’t treating you well?? I put half of my life into my marriage just to get a slap in the face so I tote know where ur coming from but now it’s time to move on to greater things,or if it cheers you up at least start planning your revenge! Anything’s better than this …miserable…dependency.It’s making Me cry.22 February 2021 at 8:02 am #49878
Thank you. It’s so hard because I still do love him so much and I just can’t understand why he’s doing this. The person he was before would never ever do something like this. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this. It’s all I think about day and night. X22 February 2021 at 10:28 am #49883
It’s not healthy to pine away like this and it’s not really fair on your kids .They need you now more than ever to be same and happy .What you are doing is understandable but tell me,does he really deserve all your waking hours?! Maybe you can start telling yourself you are going to set aside just Two hours in the day where you’re not going to allow yourself to think about him.The ‘rule’ is,the moment you start thinking about him you have to change the track,sing a song whatever you want! It works bc your brain cannot think of more than 1 thing at a time.I know this bc I’ve done it as well😥22 February 2021 at 10:53 pm #49988
This sounds all too familiar. The exact same thing happened to me after 18 years with my hubby. It’s an extremely confusing time & it’ll take some time to get your head round it, but what you’ll come to realise, & what you already know but have been in denial about, is that he is no longer the lovely man you married & trusted. I know you want him to be, & it’s v difficult to get out of the habit of thinking of him in that way, but the bottom line is this man has betrayed you. He has lied to you, he has been carrying on with someone else behind your back, & clearly he has no intention of stopping. He just wants to have his cake & eat it. But he can’t. It isn’t fair & you don’t deserve this. You deserve to be happy, or at least to not have to live this terrible life of suspicion, heartbreak & pain. However much you want to return to the happy partnership you used to have, you can’t turn the clock back. This has happened, he has changed & nothing will ever be the same. He has hurt you beyond anything he can understand. If he did he wouldn’t have kept on doing it.
This is your life, & you are worth so much more than this. You have to make a v hard & brave decision to look after yourself & your kids & bring this awful limbo to an end. It won’t be easy – I know it feels overwhelming with so many things to sort out – but you can do it. This is not your fault. Take the power into your own hands & you dictate what happens next. You can do it . There’s lots of support here for you when you need it.23 February 2021 at 12:41 am #49997
Excellent advice from tomato soup heartbreak0423 February 2021 at 8:35 am #50033
Thank you everyone, he’s pretty much said that it’s over because I said I’m anger that I wanted a divorce, I didn’t mean it at all.
I tried again to talk to him but he said I’m just dragging it out and we’ll chat later. Then he didn’t get in touch because I think he’s with her.
how do I even begin to move forward? I don’t know.23 February 2021 at 9:46 am #50073
Sounds like he’s just trying to dump his guilt onto you.I doubt anything you said made a difference and this is nothing got to do with you,he’s finding it more comfortable to blame you for the bad way he’s treating you that’s all.Very common.23 February 2021 at 10:51 am #50075
Very wise words from gummibear, look what you have made me do to you. All your love and devotion has made me such a bad person. Please be sorry for me.
This alone should make you vomit.
He is a very deep hole.23 February 2021 at 11:04 am #50076
I stayed with my husband for far too long for the sake of the children. He was selfish and extremely controlling. I made the break last may and started divorce proceedings. I am so much happier now. I have met an amazing new man who treats me right. Don’t ever waste your life with someone who treats you bad. There is life after separation. My kids are so much happier too now seeing me happy and spending time with my new man who treats them like his own and wants to spend time with us. I know it may not seem like it now but you will be happy again. Not all relationships last forever so be grateful for the years you did have that were happy and graceful moving forward. I would not allow him to keep coming back. Good luck and hugs x26 February 2021 at 9:31 am #50293
I’m really not coping. I love him and miss him so much it kills me. I need him.26 February 2021 at 10:55 am #50294
I think most of us on here know how love feels and how the world seems to change when we lose someone we love. But however bad it is, it will not kill you. There is a long road to walk before you die of a broken heart. Years and years and then there have been lots of missed opportunities to get closure and move on. Taking on that feeling of helplessness and sadness and let it win to see what lies behind is OK. You will eventually find out, it doesn’t kill you, it is horrible but there is someone who loves you even more than your ex. You, your will to survive.
Maybe it is time to start the quest to develop your personality a good part more and find out how it feel to stand on your own feet. And maybe you like it.
You are not in danger and there is nothing that can really kill you. You are lonely but not in danger.