Please help. Early stages of
25 November 2020 at 10:21 pm #46257
I’m currently less than 10 weeks pregnant. I have one child already who I’ve brought up alone but over the past year the dad has been back on the scene and we ended up trying to make a go of it. I don’t know why, I guess I just wanted to give my child a family but dad has a lot of issues and has caused a lot of heartache and financial hardship.
So, now I’ve fallen pregnant. Dad has flat out told me he doesn’t love me, want to be with me and has no intentions of ever acknowledging the child so I should get rid.
I’m torn. Absolutely torn. On one side I would love another child as I’ve watched all my friends and family bring more little people into the world and have longed for this. On the other hand, as dad doesn’t support financially as it is, and intends on keeping it this way with the second child, could I really afford to do that and would I be right to bring a child into the world when I’d struggle to financially support them?
I’m a teacher so not on an amazing wage as I’m not too high up on the M scale. I’m worrying about paying nursery fees, my mortgage, my house bills and my car all while putting food on the table.
I guess what I’m asking is how have others managed? Is there some sort of help I could receive? My other child is quite a bit older now so it’s a long time since I’ve had to deal with this.
Has anyone else been in a similar position where your decision relies mainly on being able to financially support your children and whether or not it would be the right thing to do by bringing another child into the world to be unwanted?
Thank you in advance xx26 November 2020 at 11:05 am #46267
i think you already acknowledge that you can’t rely upon this man to provide for the child financially or with his help in a physical sense.
I feel in your position you need to accept that you’d be doing this alone. I’m not for or against termination, it completely depends upon your own circumstances but you are limited by time, ie 12 weeks.
If you either terminated the pregnancy next week or lost the pregnancy spontaneously, then how would you feel? If you’d be completely gutted then I think it’s a case of accepting the pregnancy and getting on with it.
I believe you can get advice regarding benefits to top up your salary from the gingerbread helpline or from citizens advice. I feel from your entry that if you knew what you had coming in and could plan ahead, then you’d be more happy to continue with the pregnancy.
Your ex has made his position clear in that he doesn’t want the child, do not let that dissuade you in completing your family only to look back with regret26 November 2020 at 4:59 pm #46289
I am one of the moderators here and thank you for posting on the forum.
I am really sorry to hear about your situation which is causing you a lot of distress. However it is great that you have had a supportive response from Greenfingers. If you do need to speak to a specialist adviser for advice, please call our helpline. Details of the opening hours and telephone number can be found here.
GingerbreadGee26 November 2020 at 11:37 pm #46297
Sorry to hear how your situation is.
I do believe there is financial help out there for you so do get in touch with the helpline.
As I read your post , the baby you’re carrying isn’t unwanted by you only by it’s dad.
I hope you get the advice you need so you can go through with your pregnancy and have the family , you long for.