Please help – advice on letting Dad see daughter in this situation

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  • #38838 Report

    Solomummy2
    Participant

    Hello,

    I am in need of other peoples advice for my current situation please.
    I am a single mum with my daughter living with me full time. Her father and I co-parent. Since isolation has started he hasn’t seen her because we made the decision not to because he shares a house with a front line Dr and a police officer whom are all still working. The risk was too high.

    The Dr has now moved out of their shared house (I believe) and he is now asking to have contact with our daughter. He has suggested that he can come over to ours instead of her going to his house, he is saying he will not accept going 3 months without seeing his daughter. I fully respect how hard this may be for him but I am torn and am being put into a corner to make such a hard decision. He is of the belief that kids aren’t affected by the virus so it wouldn’t be a problem.

    I obviously on the other hand have been doing everything I can to obide by the rules set out by government and haven’t even taken my girl to the shops etc.. I understand this virus hasn’t been affecting children as bad as adults but I also need to protect myself as I am her sole carer and we have no other people around for support in case I get sick, just her Dad.

     

    please help 🙏.

    #38865 Report

    Hollie_1000
    Participant

    There’s a lot of grey areas with this situation. I think it’s fine for children to stay at both households as long as both parents (and anyone else sharing that household) are abiding by the ‘stay at home’ rules. If one parent has to go to work but the other doesn’t, then the kids should stay with the non working (or wfh) parent. With regards to him coming over, do you have outside space? Would he be ok with coming over but keeping to the two metre distance? It’s incredibly hard on everyone but I think you are right to put everyone’s health first x

    #38870 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Most  children are less affected by cv19. That means they get it less seriously or they are asymptomatic – they carry it but don’t have any symptoms.  If your daughter catches it from her dad, she can still pass it to you or could get a milder illness.

    When did the Dr leave the shared house?  Your ex could isolate for 14 days from that point and then come and see her.  It wouldn’t be foolproof but it reduces the likelihood of him carrying it.

    Or you could say no in the short term. Offer him unlimited facetime instead.  I don’t think any court would object in the short term.

    It isn’t easy. My ex has refused to come and see our son, but I’m left to explain why.  It’s difficult whatever you do.

    #38876 Report

    Danii86
    Participant

    I have recently separated from my husband and then corona came along so still trying to find my feeting with everything also around the messy side of why we seprated but I too felt the same pressure.

    I was advised that you as the main carer have to do what is correct in your view and if they disagree that is for them to go to family court if they dont agree with what you decide etc.

    I recently was on a court hearing with my husband (ex but sadly still married) and he said to the judge that I had been making things difficult due to the corona. I explained that I was concerned as there were third partys involved for contact to be able to happen due to his bail and I did not feel that was following guidelines. The judge agreed that yes parents have the right to see their child but if it is not following guildlines then no they should not. My ex wanted to have a mutral friend be present when he collected and dropped off but judge agreed with me that this was incorrect and breaking the law.

    So if there is no third parties involved or no risks then yes they should see the other parent but if there are any risks then you have the right to refuse.

    I would give citizens advise or similar organisations a call to ask them. (Caffass has lots of online info and they are the ones who set guildlines for family court)

    #38879 Report

    Tomato Soup
    Participant

    Hi.
    I’m having a similar problem. I’m self-isolating with my 2 teenage daughters because I have a chronic lung disease. My ex is a key worker & is also in a relationship with someone else, although they don’t live together. She also has a daughter going between separated parents. We agreed that the safest thing would be for the kids to stay with me full time for the time being, & he would see them to walk outdoors but only at a safe distance. However he is not observing the distancing, & is not taking it seriously at all. He is still seeing his girlfriend & he also had lunch at his elderly mothers house the other day. His job takes him all over the North West. The kids are totally on board with the isolating, are cross about his attitude & are wary about seeing him in case they catch the virus & bring it home, but he is now accusing me of brainwashing them & wants them to go to his house again.
    It’s very difficult isn’t it? I don’t want to stop the kids seeing their dad, but if he won’t follow the government instructions, how can I put me & the kids at risk?
    Also he hasn’t increased my maintenance payments to account for the fact that I now have the kids full time, nor will he do any food shopping for us!
    I’m not really answering your problem here am I?! But maybe it helps to know other people are having the same issues. I think all we can do is stick to our guns & do what’s safest for our kids.

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