Please help :(

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    Mama20
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    My first relationship (since my relationship with baby daddy) ended yesterday. I had a few issues with him in the relationship which is why it lead to the break-up. He was very emotionally immature. I have various problems with my mental health that I made him very aware right from the start. I was always very open and honest with him and explained things to him to try and make him understand. However, whenever I had a bad moment and may have said or done something he didn’t like, he would act selfish and immature and tell me how ive upset him or hurt him and then go away and sulk and ignore me and stop talking to me for ages. I used to hate this and I would be chasing him and messaging and calling him and he would still continue to ignore me. It made me feel worthless when he did this. If I ever said something to him about him that he didn’t like, he would get annoyed and start getting defensive with me and only focusing on all the good things he did and it would feel like he wouldn’t take my feelings into consideration. I just felt like there were a lot of occasions were i just wanted him to step up and try and be there for me as a partner and stop being selfish and only think about himself and his feelings. I had many talks with him over his behaviour and he said he would “try” to be there for me more and do more and gave me empty promises. Nothing ever really changed. I could be in front of him going through some sort of emotional distress and he would just sit there and say or do nothing. He just wasn’t what I needed. I felt he was never there through the bad times. In other ways, I felt he was immature also. I felt he needed his hand holding for a few things, such as, me requesting we see each other, me coming up with plans etc… I felt i put a lot of work in the relationship in various ways and he didn’t really pull his weight.  When things were good though, he was amazing. Could not be any better. Calling me all the sweet pet names (princess etc…) doing anything and everything for me, buying me flowers. On the good days he could make me feel so loved and the most important person ever. But when I had my bad days, he would make me feel so worthless and unimportant and sh**. I finally gave him an ultimatum to basically change his ways or I can’t see a future with us. I wanted him to fight for me and the relationship, but all he did was gaslight me completley and twist everything round to me! Saying he should be the one giving ME the ultimatum and I should be the one proving myself to him and i have to “make it up to him”. I have put him through so much. He’s put up with so much from me etc… Completley turning everything back onto me. So I lost my temper and thats pretty much how it ended.   Im now blaming myself though and wondering if this was my fault. He did have an amazing side and now I feel guilty for that and feel like ive ruined it all. But I hated the other side to him and how he made me feel.

    #42763 Report

    Mama20
    Participant

    ^^ He would also use things he didn’t like me doing,  in arguments or to have a go at me – after I’d already explained my actions for it. So for example, if he ever did something which made me feel insecure, but in the past I’d already explained why that makes me insecure and tried to make him understand. He would still continue to use it to have a go at me over. He clearly didn’t understand me or any of my problems, but that affected how he dealt with it all the time – which was badly. I just wish he’d have made more attempts to try and be understanding and step up as my partner, instead of taking it out on me just because he was ignorant and didn’t understand.

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