Please: Advice needed on kids not liking dad’s new gf’s son

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  • #64762 Report

    fliss12345
    Participant

    Hi, this is my first time posting on this forum, so please excuse any errors. I am seeking advice as my two younger children do not enjoy staying at their dad’s house every other weekend, especially if his new girlfriend’s son is there. Here are the facts, any advice is greatly appreciated.

    My ex husband left the family home in Feb 2021, we divorced in July 2021. In May 2021 he met a new girlfriend, in August 2021 he moved into her home 45 minutes  drive away. Her 9 year old son resides there with her 50% of the time. The rest of the time he is with his biological dad.

    My two youngest are a boy aged 8 & a girl aged 10. They see their dad once a week & stay overnight every other weekend. They are ok to stay the night but are very reluctant when her son is there too. I have tried to encourage them to like the boy but unfortunately they find him very attention seeking and emotionally immature.

    My ex husband is determined that the kids should get along & is really pushing this. I would prefer a slower, more natural approach. As the boy only lives with them 50% of the time, it is possible for the kids to stay when he is not there. I think it’s more important that the kids get to spend quality time with their dad rather than share him with this other boy. Any experience, questions or opinions are very very welcome! Thanks in advance.

     

    #64766 Report

    I think the children may need to learn to accept him for who he is I know it’s difficult as they’re still children but If dad stays with his partner for a long time it’ll just make family situations harder by keeping the children apart. They need quality time with dad but also the extended family they have gained through the separation. keeping the children apart from one another may only cause more issues for example missed weekends because the son doesn’t go to his dad’s. I have 2 (7 and 2) children 1 of them being with my partner and he has 2 from a previous relationship (7 and 9) they are around one another everytime we have the children. It’s good for the children to get used to one another. It may also just be because it’s another child who lives with dad that they might find it strange as it’s something they’re not entirely used to. My partners son took a good while to be comfortable with the situation but he loves us all now and loves that he has gained a brother  even though they’re not blood related that is now how he sees my son. It won’t happen overnight of course but it takes a good while for them to adjust to the situation. in all honesty it took longer than I was expecting it to for ours to settle but now its perfect just give them some time ❤️

    #64788 Report

    fliss12345
    Participant

    Thank you for sharing your lovely positive story with me. I am so pleased it all worked out so well. I think time needs to be a considerable factor & I feel the situation is being rushed in my case. It was only a year ago that my ex husband was living here with the kids, now he’s living with a very new partner & her son. As they have only known each other for 8 months, there really is no way to know if it will work long term. Thank you once again & happy new year to you & your blended family x

    #64798 Report

    Sarafrgsn85
    Participant

    It’s all very complicated when blending families.

    forcing friendships wouldn’t sound to me to be the best move.

    id suggest if they stay every second weekend that they arrange for one weekend to be with the other boy and one weekend without while they get used to the new living arrangements and the boy? I’d not think it was unreasonable for your children to want some quality alone time with their dad!

    #64815 Report

    SarahJT
    Participant

    hi, I’m a ‘new’ gf to a guy with kids and we were really hoping all the kids would play nicely, so your post is interesting. I would agree it wouldn’t be unreasonable for the gf to let him have time alone with his kids while they get used to the idea. In my situation it might all be too complicated, so even though I love him I am considering exiting from it.

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