planned a pregnancy and now single

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  • #49163 Report

    sophielouise24
    Participant

    hi!

    myself and my partner have been split up for about 3 months now. beforehand we had spent months talking about having a baby and that resulted in us trying and low and behold i am now 5 months pregnant with a baby girl!

    he was really excited and happy at the beginning, telling his family and friends and was adamant he wanted the baby and it was the happiest he’d been. fast forward to november/december and he suddenly turns around to me saying he’s not ready (he already has a child from a previous relationship) even though he was the one asking me to come off contraceptives etc.

    i’ve been absolutely heartbroken, probably doesn’t help that we work together too! but is there any way to get over this? he’s got his own issues hence why he split with me however he’s been quite nasty about the situation and one day he is saying he wants to be there for me and the baby when he’s ready and the next he’s saying he doesn’t care? it’s hard as well seeing how he is with his other child and posting a lot on social media about them and it hurts me quite a lot to know he’s not done anything like that with this baby in regards to posting scan photos etc.

    just need a few ways to cope because it feels like i can’t.

    thanks

    #49171 Report

    Cloudyrainbows
    Participant

    Hi there, sorry to hear you are having a tricky time.

    I could have written some of this for myself. I was in a relationship for 18 months and found myself pregnant last summer- this was very much planned (following a MC). At around 14 weeks I decided to end the relationship as my partner had some issues and I cane to realise that I just did not want to be with him. He was heartbroken but we agreed to stay friends and he was desperate to stay in touch and co-parent.

    he also has 2 hound children from his previous relationship. He was always at my house, helping to do jobs and checking on mine and the baby’s welfare. Then, all of a sudden at the beginning of Jan, I was sent messages on social media from a woman who he is in a new relationship with, she was not aware I was pregnant or re his previous marriage and children and that situation.

    ever since this, he has decided to block me from his life and has said he wants nothing to do with the baby.

    initially I was devastated that my baby would be lacking a father. Now though, I have come to realised how deeply troubled he is and that my “gut” was right when I separated with him. I believe that no father is better than an inconsistent or incompetent one and that we will be much better off for his absence.

    i still have a few weeks to go until I give birth and who knows whether he will stay true to his word and not show any interest in his baby, but for now I am focussed on myself and my son and he is insignificant.

    i know if feels really tricky, but be selfish and focus on purely you and your baby. Men who feel they can manipulate people’s lives and waiver about the role they may or may not play in a baby’s life do not deserve you wasting your time and effort on them.

    surround yourself with your close friends and family and don’t worry about what you can’t control.

    i hope your pregnancy is progressing well. Huge congratulations x

    #49263 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    Wow this is so sad.

    My kids dad moved from a different county to persue a relationship. He stayed at my parents home until we moved in together.

    We done the whole conversational planning. Stopped contraception spent 3 months trying with dates on the calendar and pregnacare as an aide.

    We got the 3 children we hoped for but seperated just after our son was born in 2011.

    I’ve not had contact with him since.

    Its so hard when men change there minds and go off the radar like that.

    Im still single nearly ten years on from our relationship and really struggle with the forward focussed reality.

    I’m 37. Would I want another baby?? Will I ever meet a man like my kids dad whose prepared to live with me? I often feel like I’ve missed the boat now and just need to accept being single.

    We all start families with the  best of intentions its so horrible when it all goes wrong

    #49278 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Nah you haven’t missed the boat-there’s loads of stray men all over the place.Don’t give up quite yet….u just need 1….🕺

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