pemission to relocate child
12 April 2018 at 8:53 pm #10070
Good evening, I’m hoping someone may be able to shed some light on the following. I’ve been separated in excess of four years. My ex and I have a son. Where we currently live neither of us have extended family. I know a decision needs to be made about what school to apply for. Nearby is a great school that my son would definitely get a place in. I am also due to marry soon and husband’s family aren’t far. My ex has my son on a Tuesday and every other weekend. My future hubby and I are happy to share the driving every other weekend with my ex if we move, which we intend to and we are happy to let my ex have extra holiday times with my son. My ex is angry that we want to move to give my son a better environment and is threatening to take us to court. Am I likely to be made to stay where I am, away from family and send my son to an average school?12 April 2018 at 11:30 pm #10076
Quick answer: no.13 April 2018 at 12:15 am #10077
Empty, your reply gives me hope, but is it that clear cut? My ex seems certain that he Will be able prevent the move.13 April 2018 at 8:07 am #10081
Yes. You are the resident parent, you can live where you like and your reasons are valid. You are going to marry. Where you live is about the future for your child and your new marriage. It couldn’t be more clear cut.
Let your ex try and take you to court. It sounds really impressive doesn’t it? The only court would be one dealing with Family Law, and to do that he needs a MIAM having tried mediation first. A court has the child’s interests at heart, not yours or your ex. It’s not a criminal act to move house and you’re making the access issue work as best you can.
Isn’t that clear cut to you?13 April 2018 at 12:34 pm #10107
Anonymous, thank you for your comments. It’s helpful to hear the opposite view. I will give all of your points consideration. Thank you. X13 April 2018 at 2:59 pm #10114
I’ve had an update today. It seems that my ex is looking to apply to reduce his working hours next year, literally a couple of months before we are thinking of moving – if permitted, and then intends to apply for shared care of our son. I’m absolutely terrified.13 April 2018 at 3:17 pm #10115
Anonymous has, perhaps inadvertently, backed up my view. Which is that it is clear cut that you can move. For different advice call here:
Support with any parenting problem: Family Lives 9am-9pm weekdays, 10am-3pm weekends FREE helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk
Don’t worry, you’re good.14 April 2018 at 1:33 am #10120
Anonymous, my ex has never mentioned increasing his hours before the move away was mentioned. He has never had his son more than the normal times agreed. The current pick up and drop off times for my son are very irratic and often cancelled/ changed with very short notice from his father.My ex has no family nearby and my sons contact with them is very infrequent. A property is already owned in the catchment area if the outstanding school and the school is not oversubscribed. My son is already very familiar with the ‘new area’ and already visits frequently. He also has friends in the area. This may be is not on a whim and is very much looking at the bigger picture. We at commited to helping with journeys and giving additional time to my ex.14 April 2018 at 4:24 am #10121
Marpus, Anonymous and I are in agreement but neither of us are solicitors. Speak to Family Lives as I mentioned before.
It is not illegal to move house or remarry, therefore you can’t be taken to court for doing so.14 April 2018 at 4:57 am #10123
Why are you *absolutely terrified* that dad wants shared care?14 April 2018 at 5:08 am #10124
I would like to add that maybe you are not planning on moving for the well-being of your son but maybe for you and your futute husband..
Had your son’s father posted on this forum for advice I would be advising him to take you to court..
You state that you and your future husband would not mind giving your ex extra holiday times with your son.. why so absolutely terrified if your ex wants shared care?..
My advice to this man would be to take you to court..14 April 2018 at 8:37 am #10126
This discussion is covering new ground for me, and I don’t know the law as well as others on here.
But for me, the child’s best interests should carry a high degree of consideration. A 5 hour round trip every other weekend for your son to see his father strikes me as a very big downside. If I was the father or the son, I’d be livid and very sad. Can some compromise be made? Can the father be offered money/costs to move as well? Could his job move? I like the sound of the child be asked what they want, but it’s a big question for a 10 year old.
My perspective stems from:
After I caught my wife committing adultery, we sat down and calmly agreed to divorce, in early December last. We agreed to put the best interests of our children first. Since, my wife has only discussed, fought and argued over money. Not once has she considered and wanted to discuss the future of our children. This makes me very sad and very angry.
This is why I side more on this case with your son and your ex.14 April 2018 at 8:56 am #10128
Ok, let’s be clear:
There was this couple who split up. She moved to Aberdeen, taking the children. He moved to Torquay. He took her to court over access. The law says that he needs to take her to a court that is nearest to where the children reside. So, yes, he travelled from Torquay to Aberdeen several times for the duration of the court case. The court said there was nothing to stop him having access as a parent, but school must come first. He got the child for a few weeks during holidays. The rest of the time the child lived with the resident parent to complete his education.
The law considers the children first, not the parent. Family Law does not say a parent can’t move or re-marry.14 April 2018 at 9:57 am #10130
Snoogy. Absolutely terrified because of the way my divorce went. I walked away with just enough to care for my child against the advise of my solicitor as I couldn’t deal with the constant mind games of my ex. My ex by the way is the one who was messing around – not me. The divorce canes as the last resort after years of trying. I am most definitely not moving to get at him, but for the best interest of my child.14 April 2018 at 10:12 am #10133
Nastbury, it’s seems that we both had quite similar ex’s. Throughout my divorce all my ex was interested in was the money. Not once did he think how his money could have helped the future of our child, he was more concerned with preserving it for him and his girlfriends future. It took two years for me to receive a reasonable amount of maintenance from him, reasonable meaning £30 per week. Prior to that I received nothing. All through the time of the divorce I did not ‘bad mouth’ my ex to my child, he is still his father.