Partner recently left and I’m pregnant

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  • This topic has 27 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Queen.
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  • #44805 Report

    LizzieO1
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Im 16 weeks pregnant and the babies father has just left me.
    I’m struggling emotionally a lot. Fear about finances. And ultimately just want him back, however he says that will never happen.
    From day one of knowing we were pregnant he never seemed that interested so I worry he won’t be bothered for the rest of my pregnancy and again when baby arrives.

    Im looking for advice on how to cope, help with the mental struggles I’m currently going through, is there anything I should do to prepare myself for bringing a child up alone and also am I daft for wanting him back?!

    Thank you!

    #44809 Report

    Carlos
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m not surprised it’s certainly something to be mulling over, but the long and short of it is, if they’ve been very absolute and direct you have to take it as that. We can hope they change their minds etc, but we can’t control other people. You will be ok. Your friends / family I’m sure will jump in and support you. If you and the father don’t patch things up, you can meet someone else and be happy again.. The child too. More happy than being in an unhealthy relationship that’s broken.  I ruminated for a long time after my split up, I still struggle, it’s natural. The only thing that may heal it is time.. Friends / Family will hopefully help you out over Xmas with items you need. Search Gumtree etc too so you get more bang for your buck x

    #44814 Report

    LizzieO1
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply.
    I think one of my biggest fears is being alone for the rest of my life now. I know it sounds selfish but I don’t want to be alone. I want to be loved and cared for, but is that going to difficult for another single person to fall in love with someone either pregnant or with a newborn?!

    xx

    #44819 Report

    thunderpig
    Participant

    Hi Lizzie,

    You are worth more than that fool who is giving up his chance at having a beautiful family! He is a coward and immature for leaving you at such an emotional, hormonal, stressful time.

    Believe me, your relationship status does not define your worth as a woman and you should NEVER feel ashamed about going it alone. If anything it shows how strong and empowered you are and in future, when you are ready, you will find a partner who understands that and admires you for that courage. Anyone who doesn’t, doesn’t deserve you.

    I know you are feeling scared and impossibly depressed right now, I know because I’ve been there myself, I spent the majority of my pregnancy single and moved back in with my parents…It felt like I had thrown everything away and ruined my chances at the happy family I had always dreamed of. I was heartbroken.

    I’m still single, my little boy is 6 months, and I have learnt how to cope without a partner very well. It is hard and lonely at times, but if you make sure you have a good support network around you and time for yourself to give yourself some love too, you WONT miss him! Just think about the amount of people who stay in unhappy relationships because they are afraid of being alone, only to feel incredibly lonely and abandoned still?

    The love you feel when you cuddle your baby will decimate these unhappy feelings your having now.

    Keep going, you’re doing brilliantly,

    Lissie

    #44858 Report

    Gina in Kent
    Participant

    Dear Lizzie,

    you’re not alone. The same has happened to me this summer. I am 15 weeks pregnant and the father is not coming back. Feels devastating and I have the same fears. How will I meet someone, how will I deal with loneliness, how will I cope with the baby, and why must my child miss out on a family life. It’s all overwhelming. I think it helps to reach out. I’m looking for friends and other mothers to share this experience with. We’re stronger if we can be together in it. Ultimately these men who left us will miss out on the most beautiful thing in the world.

    You can send me a private message if you’d like to chat.

    Take good care of yourself.

    Gina

    #44863 Report

    LizzieO1
    Participant

    Hi Gina!

    Thank you for your reply.

    That’s the biggest bit right now for me, coping alone. The emotional daily rollercoaster I’m going through. Feeling up one minute but then down the next ten!

    Yes talking most definitely helps and I would absolutely love to take you up on that!
    Hopefully we’ll be able to motivate each other and give each other tips and advice. I think that’s super important!

    Lizzie x

    #45178 Report

    Sllhfm
    Participant

    Hi Lizzie

    I hope a few weeks on from your post you are feeling a little better.

    I am going through the exact same. I love my partner but he left me when i fell pregnant. He wants nothing to do with a baby. Im totally heart broken..miss him all the time and want a life with him.

    I havent been able to feel any excitement for my pregnancy as im just so upset. I feel terrible and guilty.

    #45191 Report

    LizzieO1
    Participant

    Hey!

    Although still totally heartbroken, I am starting to come out the other side. It’s like grieving, I was sad, lonely and depressed for about 2 weeks, I didn’t go to work, I didn’t want to leave the house at all, and I didn’t look after myself.

    Another 2 weeks later and I’m starting to really dislike the man who walked out on me, our home and our unborn child. I’m starting to realise what he’s lost, unfortunately he isn’t.

    Don’t get me wrong I still cry and still struggle with the loneliness especially in the morning but each day I am getting stronger. My biggest fears are still finances as I’m currently paying all the bills myself. I also do not know if he wants to be present for my scans, appointments and ultimately the birth as he hasn’t grown up yet to talk to me – but I just keep thinking his loss at the end of the day!

    We can do this ladies! x

    #45192 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi hope you are well

    It is going to be great. You will be a fab Mum and there are loads of us who go it alone with no involvement from the other parent

    My son is 3 now and his Father never wanted to know. He was just a guy i was seeing for a bit but in a casual sense and he had a girlfriend. He wasnt interested when i told him i was pregnant called me all kinds and even though he lives close and sees me he has never done anything. Only think i pursued was child maintenance but thats a measly £29 a month atm bit of a joke

    Anyway ive had a hell of a time with  a guy last 13 months. Liar co troller vile person. Treated me like crap sent me all messagez from unknown numbers which were vile and got away with it. He drew me back in time and time again but gets worse and worse horrible disgusting man. Its made me so down and depressed i cant live like that anymore I need him to stay away

    I am also isolating with my son atm and its been better than i thought. I tested positive for the virus but we have had a great week tbf. If its just me and my son all is ok

    Im trying to say thay when the baby arrives it will change and you will have this different focus and feeling. You may have sad times and wonder what if but dont worry as thats natural and dont beat yourself up about it. Get help when u can ask for help get support. Its a tough job for one but plenty of us are in the same position. We can relate and this is a great place to get the support and things off your mind

    Message me anytime and hope you have a good day x

    #45227 Report

    Fcdc257
    Participant

    Hi Lizzie O1,

    Thinking of you and hope you’re OK in the circumstances. How’s your pregnancy going and how are you feeling. My heart really connected to your post, as I have been through it with my 2 year old daughters dad who I was single all the way through and now 22 weeks pregnant and their dad left three months ago. Couldn’t write it really can’t believe I am in this position again and so annoyed at my naivety for seeing only the best in people and ignoring the red flags. It’s heartbreaking as being pregnant we are very fragile and vulnerable physically and emotionally and it’s a time where we really need tlc. So it’s really the worst time a partner can leave.

    I love all the warmth of the replies and support, it’s so empowering and makes you feel we are going to be OK we have our children looking up to us and that will always keep us going.

     

    Love and light your way xx

     

    The biggest blessing is that you get to nurture and raise your child and see them flourish knowing you have met all their needs and given them all the love and care possible. It really does make you stronger and re-allign your purpose in life is now a mum as well as being who you were before and it’s the most important and precious role there is.

     

    If I may say be 100% if you want him on the birth certificate as once they’re on there that’s final he has legal rights to your child then and it’s only in very very limited circumstances a court can take his name off.

    #45229 Report

    Breeze4195
    Participant

    Hello all. Writing on a forum like this is not something I would usually do but feel I don’t know what else to do.
    I have a ten year old girl whose dad I have a good co parenting relationship with he has her every weekend.
    I was seeing someone for a short time recently, and in that time he met all my family and friends, said all the right things and we discussed having children he knew it’s something I wanted. As far as I was concerned we were actively trying to conceive and he said exactly this.
    long story short I am now a few weeks pregnant and he has gone back to the mother of his other two kids. “They” are telling me I have to have a termination and he says he wants nothing to do with it as it will “ruin his kids lives”.
    I won’t even consider a termination I have wanted another child for a long time now.
    I am just so emotional and petrified at doing it all again alone, and after such a long time. In tears every day. I am feeling so alone, I just have come on here to reach out for support and to support anyone who might be feeling the way I do right now.

    #45230 Report

    Fcdc257
    Participant

    Hello Breeze4195,

     

    Thank you for reaching out like you have it really takes courage and strength. I am so sorry to know what you’re experiencing. How is your pregnancy going so far? My thoughts are with you.

    As I wrote a couple posts up on this thread my experiences I truly understand and the emotions cna be so heavy to carry and feeling alone. It’s ok to cry and to feel this emotions out. But always remember you are not alone you have a life growing inside of you who will always love you and look up to you.

    It’s so sad that it happens this way, as soon as you show a man to your nearest and dearest. Its like an ultimate kick in the teeth. My heart really goes out to you. Whether he realises it or not he is missing out big time as it will be double the love, the memories and blessings you have with your baby as he has chosen to not be there. When the baby arrives you will feel so strong like nothing else will come close to matter as much as your baby as obvious as that sounds. It’s hard as I mentioned in the other post we are at our most fragile and vulnerable with all the changes happening growing a human and its the worst time to be left in a lot of ways. But in other ways I found out I had nothing to compare to when my daughter came along as being a single parent was all I knew so it was just natural and I did things my way and although it was hard my head and heart was strong because I had dealt with all the toxic emotions during the pregnancy not when my blessing arrived.

     

    Here if you need anyone, I am 22 weeks pregnant and from Birmingham. X

    #45241 Report

    Breeze4195
    Participant

    Hello Fcdc257 🙂

    thank you for your reply and kind words they go a long way. I am feeling better today, this is how it’s going at the moment up and positive one day, down in the dumps the next day…

    I am only six weeks pregnant, I think all is well I have a scan booked in two weeks to ease my mind. I just worry about how all the stress might be affecting, and terrified of something bad happening.

    I think things will be ok in the end, it’s just getting there! Haha and dealing with all the heightened emotions and worries while pregnant is not easy.

    do you know what you are having? I am from Birmingham too x

    #45242 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi all

    How are you all today?

    Breeze4195

    I remember exactly the same feelings its just all focus on the pregnancy and baby and getting the scan ina  couple of weeks is probs all your thinking about too

    Its an emotional strain and going it alone is heightened more. I have great family round me and my Mum is like a second parent to my son so it just works so well

    Hope you got people round you

     

    #45243 Report

    Breeze4195
    Participant

    yes I’m desperate to know everything is ok. I think I will relax more after that.

    I don’t have any parents around unfortunately but I have plenty of other family and close friends they are rocks to me. I don’t know what I’d do without their emotional support tbh.

    just trying to take each day as it comes for now

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