Partner left when my baby was 7 weeks old

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  • #61739 Report

    I’m feeling positive and content being a single parent to my now 11 week old baby but I’m finding it so hard to shift the anger and disappointment I have towards the father of my baby for walking out and leaving us with absolutely nothing. He comes and sees our son on a Saturday, to get to this arrangement was stressful as him and his family practically bullied me telling me that he should be aloud to take my breastfed baby by himself when he knows absolutely nothing about him and can’t meet his needs. Him and his family have taken no responsibility  for the stress they caused me as a newly single parent breastfeeding her 7 week old baby at the time. My baby’s father and family were prioritising their wants to see him over the best interests of my baby, wanting to seperate him from his mother at 7 weeks old, he is suspected CMPA and struggles wirh his digestive system and feeds/suckles on me for comfort why would you want to take a 7 week old baby away from his only comfort – a 7 week old baby that you don’t know – it just sickens me. So at the moment he comes and sees him on a Saturday but I’m finding it hard to pretend like I’m not hurt by his and his families horrible attitudes towards me and more so the fact he isn’t absolutely disgusted the mother of his newborn child was made to feel this way. I want to build a positive relationship for our son so he has a relationship with his dad but he really is clueless all he says is how I have to help me be a good dad and when he comes and sees him and my baby cries he seems absolutely intent on trying to settle him he can’t understand that him – a stranger – can’t settle my newborn breastfed baby. Any advice or support or just kind words would be appreciated please

    #61743 Report

    Flowermum
    Participant

    Hi, I’m really sorry to hear that it seems like baby’s dad and his family are not understanding or even trying to understand how your feeling at all. I don’t know but it’s worth maybe having a sit down with everyone and explaining to them how you’re feeling (sort of like a family meeting) and maybe if you’ve got any family members or a friend that could help explain your point of view?  It’s good that your feeling positive and in my opinion that’s all you can do especially for your little one, you’ve got to stay strong and keep on going because it does get easier! I went through a similar situation with my child’s dad as he didn’t want anything to do with my little one from birth but three years on and me and my little one are doing great even though I could never imagine it at that time. So I promise you it does it get easier just got to stay as positive as you can for yourself and your little one.  🙂

    #61784 Report

    Thank you for your reply 🙂 I’ve devised a parenting plan, outlined means of communication, my rules, our responsibilities as parents etc. I’ve decided visits will no longer take place inside my home it’s too much emotionally for me although he struggles to understand or have any recognition of the fact that if I am not okay then baby won’t be.

    #61787 Report

    Milliexo
    Participant

    I’m going through the exactly the same as you! My baby was also 7 weeks when my partner bullied us out of the house!
    so there are law that protect you while your breastfeeding as it can actually be damaging for the child!

    #61789 Report

    Milliexo
    Participant

    <span style=”-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: #6b6b6b; color: #6b6b6b; font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;”>breastfeeding can be seen as both a physical and emotional need. The court is more likely to recognise the physical need in younger infants who rely on breastmilk for nutrition, although the significance of longer‐term breastfeeding should not be ignored. The detrimental emotional impact of causing breastfeeding to cease could also apply to any aged child. Arrangements which negatively impact the breastfeeding relationship such as long term stays away from the breastfeeding mother should be avoided if at all possible. </span>

    <span style=”-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: #6b6b6b; color: #6b6b6b; font-family: Montserrat, sans-serif;”> http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/ News‐and‐Research/Research/</span>

    #61790 Report

    I’ve just added this to our parenting plan as part of our responsibilities  that he will understand that feeding is not only a way of feeding and nourishment but is nurture and have attached a few articles and suggested he reads them to further undetstand our son so thank you for pointing that out! 🙂

    #62387 Report

    Nessa37
    Participant

    I just wanted to say you should be the one laying down the law not the other way round.
    You are the baby’s world and he is not going to be able to provide any comfort whatsoever.
    when the baby you are the only one that can settle him so please do not tolerate this behaviour from him. Put your foot down!
    and if he wants to take you to court so what! They will only do what’s in the best interest of the baby and anyway these things take a long time to resolve!

    #62388 Report

    Nessa37
    Participant

    When the baby is upset I meant to say…

    #62406 Report

    Michael UK
    Participant

    Similar here, single parent since 8 weeks, but as a guy my daughter was bottle fed.

    don’t be bullied into contact is my advice, if your daughter is breast fed, then you should be available, and your ex should understand this.

    If he doesn’t understand then let him go to court, he may get much less, courts would usually be on your side if your breast feeding a newborn.

    situation is different between you and me, but my ex gets 2 full days a month, plus regular  video calls.

    #62507 Report

    bubbles of love
    Participant

    Sorry to hear this.

    It seems to be similar to my situation.

    Baby is 5 weeks and our third. But as soon as I announced he wasn’t happy. We didn’t plan.

     

    Then things got more strange as hie relatives got involved. I found myself being isolated and now I’m scared because it seems like they grinding me down to nothing.

    He went from an amazing person and dad to not communicating, ignoring me in pregnancy. Now he is accusing me of impacting him.

    We don’t even speak on phone. I don’t contact unless about children.

    I hope things improve. It’s not a nice place to be.

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