Partner left out the blue after 16yrs

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  • #39640 Report

    CSK
    Participant

    So a few weeks ago my partner woke up and out the blue said he didn’t love me anymore, he said he didn’t want to be just a ‘mummy and daddy’ anymore and wasn’t fulfilled growing old with someone that was his best friend and he wanted more. I asked if there was anybody else and he said there wasn’t and he was severely depressed with his life. We have been building our dream home Over the last 12months and were due to move in before lockdown hit so have been living with my parents for the last year whilst the build was happening. I know this has took a strain on our relationship in regards to intimacy and our own space but it was only going to be for a short period of time. He immediately packed a bag and left my and our two year old son stating he needed space and wasn’t open to talking through anything as he needs to find what makes him happy. I’ve been reading up on depression and trying to send him things over that will help guide him to get some counselling and help but he just seems to be burying his head in the sand and continuing with his normal routine of work then seeing our little boy. I can’t eat, sleep or function. I’m struggling to be a good mum to our little boy as each morning it all hits me like train. The days my little boy goes to stay with him I just bury my head in bed and don’t want to see the light of day. I’m unsure of what to do for the best, leave him to his own devices or pursue trying to help him through this. We have never had any problems or arguments in the past and this has completely floored me.

    #39902 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    Im sorry to hear this has happened. Dealing with break ups can be very difficult emotionally, especially when they are unexpected. It sounds like your partner has some issues of his own that he is needing to deal with and perhaps giving him the space to do this may be what is best for everyone in the long run. Whether he comes back to you or you remain seperated I dont know but certainly if he is suffering from mental health issues then you should refrain from pressurising him. You can remain supportive without putting pressure on a relationship or guilt over his feelings that the relationship is no longer working. I know you’re hurting and confused as to how things have gotten to this point – just remember it is not something youve done wrong. As sad as it is sometimes peoples wants, feelings and aspirations do change.

     

    You’ve sent him some information and perhaps notifying a member of his family that he is close to and trusts that you believe he may be struggling at the moment is all you can do for him just now. Give each other some space and focus on your child. Perhaps attending mediation might help you both discuss your feelings and make arrangements financially and for your child.

     

    I hope this is of some help and stay safe

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