Parenting with 'Emotional unstable personality disorder'

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  • This topic has 10 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 months ago by Anonymous.
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  • #35422 Report

    Krowe882002
    Participant

    Wonder wether anyone can give me advice or have any idea of what my outcome could be with my situation. I met my ex about 5 years ago and we were trying for a baby but after a year of being on and off we brooke up and I was devastated. When I met her she told me she was bipolar but then later on said she had a mental diagnosis, I was concerned but it wasn’t really my business, at the end of our relationship she completely cut me out but I couldn’t stop txting her then she had me done for harassment. We had a joint male friend who i saw quiet a lot which my ex didn’t like at all, as she kept saying/shouting at me leave my best friend alone. About a year later my ex got back in touch for money couldn’t believe it but I didn’t lend it to her we kinda kept in touch then she invited me round her place and got on again so well as if nothing had every happened which i thought was great, but strange. Then didn’t hear from her for another month or so untill she was after money again the baleifs were coming but cause i still loved her lent it to her. We then kinda got back together then our baby was conceived, we were so happy I was a little concerned cause of our past. A few weeks into the pregnancy she had some bleeding and thought shed lost it but I went with her to the hospital and everything was fine. Then It began to appear she was cutting me out again and this became more apparent as time went on she didn’t invite me to any scans or keep me involved at all even after pleading txt, more hurt. I did get in touch with social services as i was concerned about her and the baby as she told me she was bipolar and not on any medication, but the assessment came back no further action and the case was closed which i found very strange. I learned of my son’s birth by seeing a babies car seat in her car one day and eventually getting a copy of the birth certificate from the registry office, with a different name that we hadn’t agreed on. After about 2 months she turned up round out joint mates house wanting to sort things out i was so upset but trying to think positive. She wrote a list of requirements about maintenance and back pay then I started to see my son which was great saw him for an hour the first time, then another hour with my mum as it was her birthday, I started paying back pay as she was being amicable, in all i saw him 3 separate times for an hour at a time, which i didn’t really find sufficient contact. On the second occasion i went to give her a friendly hug but she refused just to try and say lets be amicable and get on for our son’s sake. I tried suggesting working out a consent order instead of hard and fast child arrangement orders but she didn’t really seem interested she seemed only after back pay which i did explain i dont legally have to give her as she spitefully excluded me from the birth certificate. After this communication broke down as on the first contact my ex asked me 3 times not to go through court, cause she knew id get on the birth certificate and get my hours, she’s very controlling and its always her way or no way. A week before the first court hearing i heard through our joint friend she had the police round again, I learned she was trying everything to put me off going through court as she didn’t want me on the birth certificate and wasn’t really interested in my contact with my son. The police arrested me again for harresment and I nearly pulled out the court case. On the day of the court case cafcass interviewed us both, but my new arrest didn’t go down well, as weeks before when i spoke to cafcass it was said that as we live so close id be able to have my son very frequently round my place, I explained that she only got the police involved again to put me off going through court as the txts i sent pleading not to be cut out and to go to the scans were from way back it was malicious on her part. The conclusion of the first court appearance was our situation was gonna go to a section 7 and I was to have no contact, the next court case was 16 weeks away so by then my son would be about 7 months old even more hurt, ive already missed so much and am going to miss even more. The judge thought there was no point at this stage of putting me on the birth certificate either. One of court orders was, during the section 7 compilation maybe i would get interium contact if agreed by the mother which I know she won’t agree to, that suggestion seems crazy. Also on the court Rectils it says domestic violence has occurred on one of my contacts, which was never talked about in court, cause there wasn’t any and never has been, the only incident there was, was this hug which never happened as she didn’t want me to. I’ve just received the family assessment through from the council which my ex didn’t want me to see its full of only her account of how she saw things, and with plenty of lies, it also stated her mental diagnosis, I found out it is ’emotional unstable personality disorder’ now maybe if she had told me of this right at the beginning of our relationship i would have been more understanding, and more sympathetic as it cannot be easy for her but instead of whats always run through my head where me being the older guy thought i was just being used as a sperm donner then discarded when not needed. I wonder does anyone know of any possible outcomes to this as i have put in for full custody as i think of my son’s needs where he deserves and has the right to two parents whereas my ex only thinks about herself denieing my son of a father, id give my ex whatever access she liked where she gives me none and doesn’t care or think of how i must have been feeling throughout all this. Does anyone know wether the court will look more sympathetic with my ex as she has this diagnosis thus me not getting much access? Or will the court look at the situation thinking shes gonna need more help so I could possibly get more access or full custody?

    #35423 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    This is a tricky one. I am not sure why you have put in for full custody? Could you explain that?

    Also, and please don’t take offence but your post could do with paragraph breaks. I feel it is very difficult to read as it is.

    Re: your ex. Just because someone has a disabilty (which this is) doesn’ tmake them an unfit parent…

    all best

    jj

    #35424 Report

    Krowe882002
    Participant

    Oh no don’t get me wrong I know it doesn’t make her an unfit mother its just throughout our relationship shes always put herself first with no regard to anyone else  if she truly wanted the best for our son she wouldn’t be using him in this way shed realise that he deserves a loving father in his life. If I had full custody id give my ex whatever access shed like where she sees our son as her possession and doesn’t want me involved taking my babies rights away from him.

    #35428 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Oh, okay. It’s just that it is unclear from your post how she is ‘using’ her child. Also not clear whether or not you are on the birth certificate.

    Perhaps you need to consult a solicitor. Get some advice?

    all best

    jj

    #35429 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    It sounds also like you are not interested in shared parenting but wanting to control the situation.

    This is not appropriate.

    all best

    jj

    #35430 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Best thing for you darling. If I can call you that.

    Check back with ‘Fathers for Justice’ for advice and support.

    I’m sure they can help you.

    Big kiss

    jj

    #35433 Report

    Krowe882002
    Participant

    If I don’t control the situation she will to our babies dettrement and I will never see him, if there was no fathers rights he would never know me how would you feel in my shoes

    #35434 Report

    Krowe882002
    Participant

    I am a good person and will do anything for them both even after whats gone on but can’t stand by and see my son being controlled by her, not letting me being involved. I’ve only just discovered her diagnosis and am very sympathetic cause thats my personality it really hurts but in the long run what would be best for my son a near normal upbringing where we both can be involved or me being completely cut out and being used for money which is whats happening  now, I want to give our son a near as possible upbringing and not have to go along with her status quo being the norm

    #35435 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Stay calm lovely.You wouldn’t want anyone on here to think you were a troll, would you now?

    I am sure there are other people better qualified to help you than I am.

    Good luck

    jj

    #35436 Report

    Krowe882002
    Participant

    Yeah sorry just a genuion person who wants to do right by his son i have a big heart x

    #35437 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Have you tried mindfulness techniques. Register with your doctor on the NHS. There is a six week waiting list for therapy but I’m sure your could wait..

    Sad there are no services available for people in your situation.

    Have you tried Art Therapy?

    All best

    jj

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