Parenting plan

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  • #39734 Report

    Danielle945
    Participant

    Currently 28 weeks pregnant, me and my ex broke up at the start of the pregnancy. At first we stayed friends and he was really involved in the pregnancy but since he has  met someone else he has turned really nasty, blocked me on everything except email and refuses to cooperate. He’s turned really nasty saying on social media how I am weaponising the child even tho I’ve only ever asked him if we could talk about involvement and what we are going to do. I got some advice as I refuse to let him think he can control this situation so writing a parenting plan for the first few weeks the baby is here and wanted some advice on what to include. He has a drinking problem and has threatened to kill himself to me multiple times so am not yet until I trust him letting him have alone access, but unsure what else to include and reasonable things to include. I want to give him the opportunity to be as involved as possible.

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by Danielle945.
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by Danielle945.
    #39742 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I’d leave your ex alone for a while. He has made it clear he isn’t interested. Inform him when the baby is born, don’t put his name on the birth certificate and wait for him to come to his child, rather than pushing for more contact.

    If he is any kind of a dad, he’ll want contact with his child. If he isn’t interested, all the planning in the world won’t make any difference.

    And put in a CMs claim as soon as the baby is born. Your child is entitled to support from the father.

    #39751 Report

    Danielle945
    Participant

    He does say he wants to be involved when she’s here, but is saying he’s going to take me to court so was just putting it in place so he can’t say I’ve stopped him, or do you think it’s best to still leave it?

    #39801 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    If he’s blocked you and turned nasty, I’d leave it or you could be accused of harassment.
    He’s been pretty inconsistent so far, he may change his mind again. He may not.

    If he goes to court when the baby arrives, court will probably allow him an hour or two’s access every couple of days, with you present, for the first 8-10 weeks. But that’s in the future.

    Until then, focus on your baby and yourself. Get your home ready, choose a supportive birth partner, and enjoy your pregnancy.  Congratulations 😊

    #39879 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    I would suggest contacting a solicitor – many offer a free initial 30 minute consultation and you may be eligable for legal aid although that would depend on your financial circumstances. But I was told by my solicitor when my ex was threatning to take me to court over the kids to just let him do it. She said most of them dont actually bother cause it costs them a lot of money and even if they did go through with it the judge isnt interested in tit for tat they only care about the best interest of the child so its not something to be scared of anyway as long as you are acting in the best interests of the child. But usually mediation has to have been attempted first before the courts will even get involved unless theres special circumstances. Have you thought about mediation? There are mediators available through charities if money is an issue where they offer free child focused mediation (basically they help you and your ex sort through everything to do with the child and go over the parenting plan with you both helping to finalise it). I know you mentioned that you’re doing a parenting plan for when the baby is born but if he doesnt do one as well and you both make a final one that you both agree to its a bit pointless – he doesnt have to agree with your plan or stick to it if there’s nothing formally in place through court or mediation.  But if your ex isnt interested in mediation or applying to court I would say dont bother chasing him. At the end of the day yes he is the biological father and he has rights but he would have to go through the proper channels to access those rights and if he’s not willing to do it he isnt that interested in the child. Dont be difficult just say you want things done by the book to ensure theres no confusion etc later down the line and so that the child has much needed stability in its life. Any contact should be written i.e messaging or solicitor letters so that theres a record of it and whatever you do remain civil and completely focused on the child at all times no matter what he says or does. If he continues to be difficult then end contact and let him go through the proper channels or fade into the background if he doesnt. I hope this helps and please do consider speaking to a solicitor if you haven’t already and contacting a mediatior to arrange an intake meeting either via telephone if possible during the lockdown or in person once the lockdown is over. All the best and stay safe

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