23 July 2018 at 8:27 pm #13720
Hi, ive been seperated from my wife for 16 months during that time my relationship with my 2 boys (14) (12) has deminished to nothing. They do not admit it but my ex has done her worst to make them think im a terrible person! Telling them ( or being within their versinity) about the the complicated adult stuff that seprration entales. They were terrified to let me in my own home as a took a hoover! when i left, and left with nothing more. She listens in to my phone calls with them and interups in yhe background, usually drunk!! Most recently my ex stopped paying the mortgage on the family home for 4 months. Getting no explanation from her after asking on numerous occasionsal and offering to pay it instead of the maintenance…but no! i felt i had no alternative to seek the advice from a solicitor as i was fearing reposesion of the property. The solicitor sent her a letter stating a sale of the property. she told them i was turfing them out, Within hours of the lettet arriving i recieved a borrage of messages from my children saying that they never want to see me again…i didnt deserve to be on this earth…and i was scum!! I have not seen or heard from them since. I sent them a message explaining they shouldnt know about adult problems and i loved them lots and ill always be here if they need me…but nothing was replied. Surely this type of behaviour isnt right?? I dont know where to turn, i just want someone to explain to them that they shouldnt know, and that they have been manipulated. I feel that my relationship with them will never be the same…i dont know what to do?23 July 2018 at 9:46 pm #13721
You are jountly responsible for the mortgage if it is in both of your names, just as you are jointly responsible for the maintenance of the children. There should be no either or situation here. You haven’t stated the background to your separation, but if the circumstances are mutual then you should explain that to the children. At 14 and 12-they are old enough to make up their own mind about how they perceive the separation. They are old enough to understand rather than hide behind the term ‘adult problems’ perhaps you should be open and honest with them about how you feel and what went wrong in your relationship with your ex. You would be surprised about how much impact openess and honesty has for children.23 July 2018 at 9:59 pm #13723
Its impossible to be able to afford maintenance and half the mortgage as well as my own rent and bills as well as the marital debts of £250pm!! she agreed to keep up the mortgage payments as its cheaper than renting. If she chooses to live there, alot of the time with a new partner might i add, then that is her choice otherwise it should be sold surely! I have tried to be open and honest to them but to no avail, it wasnt a mutual seperation but she has moved on but to keep painting me black its hard with the amount of time i saw them to iradicate that, alot of the time i never bought it up as i thought it would upset them on my weekend but i did try.23 July 2018 at 10:00 pm #13724
And i also took all the marital debts with me equating to £250 per month.