Parent of a teenager

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  • #9449 Report

    TinaA
    Participant

    Hi

    Does anyone on here have teenage children going through this? My husband walked out on us 3 months ago. Came as a total shock. He was very angry with his dad and for a short time refused to see him. Yesterday seemed a bit of a turning point where they spent the day together.

    It just feels like the worst possible age. Any advice gratefully received x

    #9450 Report

    VillageMum
    Participant

    hi Tina

    I’ve a 13 yr old daughter although it was 2012 when my ex husband and I split up. I myself was 14 when my parents separated and I had a wild ride of emotions I remember very well. At the moment she doesn’t see her Dad much as he moved himself 200 miles away with his new family including baby son. She often says things like “why doesn’t he love me any more” and he only visits about half a dozen times in a year now. Their relationship is pretty much non existent as it is with my 9 yr old son. TBH he does nothing to counter the argument that he’s a useless father because his actions or lack of them are very telling. Kids know where they are better off though ultimately. Teenage hormones added into the mix make for a pretty poisonous atmosphere sometimes as she seeks to blame me for him going and our lives not being the same as all her other friends. Of course many of her friends are also living in single parent families but she chooses to forget this sometimes. The hardest thing is financially I struggle and when she does see her Dad she tries to tap him for cash and presents but he is complicit in this because he spends ridiculous amounts on them at Christmas and birthdays.  The way I try and approach her feelings is to say that I am always here for her, I can’t control his behaviour and neither can she, and its a waste of time to wish things were another way and to focus on what her life is rather than what it isn’t. I tell her that its not her that he’s rejected but me and that it isn’t her fault which is the same I said to her when he first left TBH. I have found as she’s got older that she seeks more and more time in the company of friends and also goes to them for advice too, all part of growing up and away from me I guess. I hope that helps a bit? xx

    #9451 Report

    TinaA
    Participant

    VillageMum

    thx so much for your reply. Sounds similar in terms of tapping his dad for cash. My husband earns nearly 10x what I do (I changed job when we had our son) and he’s given me £20 to help with bits and bobs over Easter. I kid you not!

    I also keep saying dad left me not you, but he replies I begged dad to stay and he refused so he left me too.

    i think because it’s all new I’m over thinking, worrying about when he’s older and starts going out and I’ll be here worrying. I think I should concentrate on now. It’s hard though isn’t it x

    #9456 Report

    VillageMum
    Participant

    There’s always something fresh to worry about whatever their age isn’t there?! How old is your son? My daughter has had periods of not wanting to see her Dad throughout the time since he left, and when she was 10 decided she’d had enough of his treatment of her and her brother and the fact his GF was taking priority all the time. She told him she no longer wanted to see him and when he did come over to collect my son to take him out she would hide upstairs or go to a friend’s to avoid him. At the moment they see him so rarely because he’s moved away, that when he does visit its quite a novelty for a couple of hours but by lunchtime he’s staring at his phone and they are bored with him so he ends up hanging about in the kitchen with me as there’s no one else to talk to! He’s missing out on so much of their childhood but I hope they aren’t missing out because as I say to them I’ve surrounded them with decent adult role models in terms of good friends and family. Its all you can really do; some of it they have to work through for themselves and you just have to be there to go through it with them and be there when they need you.

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