Painful thinking of ex moving on!
11 May 2018 at 8:50 am #11231
Goodness, I am so surprised at how many of us are experiencing ex’s who have moved on so quickly! How can they do it?? Especially when there are children involved
It sounds especially tough for you Alittleluck – how cold of your ex to ask you to leave, and then to move on so openly in front of your children. I can only imagine how painful that is for you, but you sound as though you sound as though you are taking a really positive approach to the situation. I just hope that you can draw a line, and move on with your own life
Thank you Shazney30 for your advice. You sound as though you had a lucky escape, and my first thought whilst reading your story was ‘poor girl’ about his latest victim – let’s hope she see’s his true colours sooner rather than later; if only to show you that he isn’t capable of being a decent adult who is able to love as someone deserves to be loved (which you do – and yes, love often happens when we are open to it, and when we least expect it!) It’s so difficult to not beat yourself up. I often think of all the things I could’ve done differently…but then my friends and family remind me that if it was meant to be then it would be. They also remind me of all the great things that I have to offer. If my ex was meant to be my life partner then I guess he would be here now! Those little gems have helped to give me some strength, which make some days easier than others. I have also started a list of positives about my life now. I read them when I am having low moments to remind myself of how life can still be positive post-split 🙂11 May 2018 at 9:47 pm #11245
Hey we are definitely not alone in this. It’s hard but we will all get through it. I too am a firm believer of what’s meant to be will be. No one is perfect and we all feel like there are things we could have done better. But from my experience you can’t make a marriage work when the other person is actively destroying it. My dad gave me some good advice in the run up to myself and my ex husband splitting up. He said you can’t clap with one hand. And it’s absoletly true. I know it won’t feel like it all the time and it takes time to get there but loads of people who I consider trusted friends told me I would be better off in a few months. And they were right.
X11 May 2018 at 10:02 pm #11246
I totally get how your feeling ! I have a 2 year old daughter who’s dad left when I was pregnant wasn’t ready for kids.then 5 months ago contacted me wanting to be her dad playing happy families him his gf and my daughter and it hurts so bad because I wanted us to be a family .And like you I don’t have time to date as full time parent to 2 plus working :(.11 May 2018 at 10:06 pm #11247
Louclare it is really hard to see your ex move onto someone new and play the whole happy family thing with your child or children. It hurt me so so much when my ex introduced our son to his new partner as it was so soon after our break up and totally inappropriate. I wouldn’t dream of introducing another man to my son. Not until I knew it was something that had some longevity.
I agree it is really tough when you are the main care giver to find time to go out and meet new people. I have been single for 9 months now and I will say focusing on being the best mother I can be is what has got me through this process.
I think in time when we are ready to meet someone new it will happen and it will be right rather than right now.
X3 June 2018 at 10:24 pm #11811
This is exactly how I feel about my ex. For 9 months before he left I was so worried about him, thinking he was stressed or depressed. I was constantly asking him what was wrong but being told nothing. He completely changed and I was made to feel like I was an inconvenience. I eventually sat him down and asked him outright and he said he didn’t love me anymore. He wasn’t interested in any effort to work things out and just said he was leaving. It took him 2 weeks to go though!
I found out at Easter he’s seeing someone from work. He didn’t tell me though, he let the kids tell me when they came home after going away with her and her kids. Someone he works with, who I know and has been in my house. Turns out it’s been going on since before Xmas.
I just want to stop the bitterness but I’m still really hurting and can’t get past the fact that he’s free to do as he wants and has left me having to look after the house/ garden/ kids and all he has to do is go to work and come home again.
I hope in time we can let go and find some peace but not sure how we go about it x6 June 2018 at 10:49 am #11872
I haven’t seen these replies as my email seems to have blocked the notifications, so I have stumbled across them by chance when logging in this morning!
I am astonished at the amount of people who seem to let their children meet the new partners, and then relay that information to the other parent. How irresponsible and cruel. Clearly they are very single minded, which is probably why they been able to so easily walk away…and move on. Grrr
You all sound as though you are being string though, and all of these knocks only serve to make us stronger. One day we will all be able to look back on this dark period and see the strength it gave us to start over and be happy again. I like Shazney30’s Dad’s anecdote ‘you can’t clap with one hand’ – I’ve added that one to my list, it’s so bloomin’ true!
Chin’s up, hopefully the recent sunny weather has brought a little brightness into your lives xx14 June 2018 at 10:45 pm #12121
I came across your post and had to reply. I just want you to know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal, you spent a long time with someone and although you realise that it wasn’t working you still need to grieve for your relationship. That’s hard when you actually wanted it to work and even harder when you are looking after a little one as well as trying to process your feelings. So don’t be so hard on yourself.
while you are dealing with your feelings it’s going to feel like they’ve got it easy, can go out and will meet someone quickly. Maybe they will but think about what they don’t have, they don’t have the time they had with their little one and may just be trying to fill their time, they may be thinking being with someone else is going to make them feel better about them selves. At the end of the day you can’t influence any of this so don’t (easier said than done) let it get into your head.
I got divorced about 15 years ago, I instigated it after my husband had a one night stand, it broke my heart but I couldn’t stay in the relationship, I desperately wanted my marriage to work but I knew that was a step too far for me and after counselling together I made the decision to divorce. My husband wanted to stay together until our child was grown up but I couldn’t let my child grow up in a lie. So I got divorced. Like your ex he was outwardly having a great time ( I found out later that internally he was having a really hard time).
when he met someone quite quickly it hurt! Not because I wanted him back but because I wanted to have meant enough to him that he couldn’t just move on, you see I was still mourning the end of my marriage and feeling pretty low. What I found though was that when I started to deal with those feelings I didn’t want him back, I didn’t want to waste my life feeling bitter but I just wanted to give myself time to get over it. So I started doing things I’d always wanted to and things that made me feel good, just having a bath on my own, watching a film, going out with friends whatever made me feel happy. It wasn’t long before I started to feel better about my self and stopped having those pangs of jealously. I didn’t feel bitter, I realised I didn’t feel anything about it really.
it took me a really long time to date again as i was too busy raising my child and I really wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons, that I felt good about myself. And when I did eventually start dating again (about 3 years later) it felt good. I didn’t really have a serious relationship for about 8 years but I enjoyed myself, met some really nice people and dated. I had a ball! I found a new better version of the ‘old me’, I provided a stable happy home for my daughter and worked really hard so everything she had was from me. And I’m really proud of that.
i sadly went through a painful break up again two years ago and my ex moved on within weeks (most probably when they still lived with me) and when I started to feel that familiar pang of why wasn’t I enough or how could you move on so quickly I sat myself down and thought back to the first time and asked myself do I want to be with them? Absolutely not! Do I want my life to be blighted or be made sad by bitterness? Absolutely not! Do I really care what they do? Absolutely not! And at that point I decided to be kind to myself and do the things that made me happy again. And I am, I have a wonderful life which I enjoy every minute of, I don’t give them a second thought. They’ve introduced our child to their new partner really quickly, they don’t put our child first but deep down I know that our child will see all of this eventually and at that point the person who will miss out will be their dad.
so in a very long winded way I’m trying to say be kind to yourself, do the things you’ve always wanted to, have fun, deal with your feelings and find your peace. Before you know it you won’t be thinking about your ex at all. And if/when you are ready for a new relationship you will go in there feeling great and totally enjoy it.
well done for everything you are doing for your little one, they will appreciate it so much x17 June 2018 at 6:42 am #12232
Wow SCmum, that is such a lovely response. Thank you so much. Your words have already given me some courage to start changing the way I think. Although it won’t happen overnight, hopefully I can start to see things in a different light – a light that doesn’t make me sad, and make my stomach flip every time I see or hear something that reminds me of what I’ve lost. I have moments of positivity, but they soon change back to sadness over the life I am now living. Everything just feels forced, like I’m having to make myself think and feel a certain way, just so that I don’t end up crying or feeling guilty that I’m not the same Mummy I was before we split up. I too need to realise that he is the one missing out on ever day things with our daughter, and I get to experience them
I’m so sorry that your journey has been a long and tough one, but you sound like you have your emotions and head in a good place to tackle the challenges you face. I hope that you soon find renewed peace and enjoy life as you did before. Thank you again for taking the time to share your story xx6 July 2018 at 11:51 pm #13067
It been a year and my ex thinking of remarrying and he hasn’t divorced me yet.16 July 2018 at 5:03 pm #13510
On the contrary. I am young, single , sociable and charming.
Although I’ve formally been single since February I’ve yet to even kiss another girl.
I did however receive pictures of my ex on multiple dating sites from friends.
I think my biggest fear is not her moving on but the type of guy she will have around my son.17 July 2018 at 1:12 pm #13540
Hi, I am so in the same situation as you right now. My ex very recently left me and my daughter after 14 years. Totally out of the blue. To top it off he just sent photos of himself with his new girlfriend to my daughter and now my daughter who is 13 is devastated and won’t see or talk to him. He is just swanning around without a care in the world. I just feel so empty inside and alone. I don’t have any friends of my own, he didn’t like me going out when we were together and I just don’t know how to start again getting a new life. He’s probably done me and her the biggest favour but everything just seems so hopeless and raw right now!17 July 2018 at 7:25 pm #13551
Reading your post it seems you already have the answers. Your better off on your own and Start a new life.
its hard when all you’ve known is your ex and your family, take little steps, don’t rush to find anyone just look and find yourself. The rest will come.
First and foremost make sure you and your daughter are ok, support each other.
write a list of everything that you need or would like to do, not a wish list and don’t worry if you don’t get it all done.
socialising is the hardest thing. As a start make the effort to have a conversation. The shop, the school, the neighbours, family, the cat, who ever. are there activities that you liked to have done but didn’t? Sign yourself up.
stand and walk proud. Don’t lock yourself away, get out and about. How ever trival18 July 2018 at 1:01 pm #13574
Thank you for listening, I will try 🙂6 January 2021 at 8:23 am #47652
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