Overwhelmed, sad and at a loss

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Overwhelmed, sad and at a loss

This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  MemesMum 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #26470 Report

    MemesMum
    Participant

    My daughter is now a teenager and 2 months ago her dad decided to reduce his weekly Payment by a 1/3 without communication. I realised it was April and had in my gut there was a reason… new tax year.  He sold his business a year or so ago and went to work for one of his suppliers. One can only assume a good move for him.  He’s now back in the area under that Companies name running a new outlet, employed i’m told by CMS.

     

    I applied for the CMS within a few weeks of him reducing his payment as he ignored me asking politely if there had been an error.

     

    Some weeks later, I’m told by the CMS they have received info from HMRC and he should be paying a lot more than he initially was anyway.  At this point it’s obvious to me he’s up to something but they insist they will be perusing him for the new amount.  He’s still paying the reduced amount he decided 2 months ago.

     

    The CMS have today said he’s applied for a mandatory reconsideration as last years wage isn’t this years.  Now it’s up to me to prove.  How the heck am I to do that?  He was physically and is a verbally abusive person and now I’m expected to snoop into his life, which, I really don’t want to do.  I see that as negative energy,  which I need to conserve for more positive things. I really don’t know what to do but from reading case studies on gingerbread it becomes an occupation and not a fruitful one.

    I could not tell you when he last saw our daughter and after placing a birthday card through the door last year he’s never responded to her thank you and no Christmas cards or anything since.

     

    I feel so overwhelmed, dealing with a teenager as well as this and life at the moment.

     

    I’m grateful for my daughter but wow it’s hard right now.

     

    What can I do?

     

    Years ago, I watched friends go through this in the CSA days and it always sounded bitter an so mentally unhealthy.

    Hoping for some wise guidance please.

     

    Thank you

    #26489 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    If he sold his business a year ago, it might be that he was struggling. Are you sure he sold it or was that his bravado’d version of him going under? You can check on the Companies House website. Now he is employed, but maybe for less money.

    Because he is employed, at least the CMS can track his income by PAYE and take the correct percentage, it sounds like he’s taken a cut in salary and doesn’t want to admit it to you.

    You’re right, I wouldn’t snoop, it’s not worth the grief. Difficult as it is, I’d put the effort into making economies elsewhere.

    #26503 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    For me, child maintenance payments are more of a bonus. I don’t factor this in my normal bills. Its been a long time since I stopped asking my ex as we agreed to sort things like that between ourselves.

    You have ask yourself is it really worth all this effort and stress? 🙂

    #26531 Report

    Hi Memesmum

    Glad to see you are chatting with other forum members.  This can be a good way of working through your choices.  Just to remind you though, you can also chat to one of our trained advisers.  The can help you to explore what options you have.

    They are busy, so allow up to 20 mins before they can answer your call.  Its a freephone number.

    Hope this helps, Justine

    https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/contact-us/helpline/

    #26697 Report

    MemesMum
    Participant

    No there appears no reduction….  quite the opposite.  Extra motorbikes… still the newish can… 2 family cars, a larger house in a nicer area which is more than double the size.  This is about his paying less and knowing the system.  This is a man that has his daughter over at Christmas 2 years ago and lets her play with his 2 other childrens Christmas presents.

    #26698 Report

    MemesMum
    Participant

    For me, child maintenance payments are more of a bonus. I don’t factor this in my normal bills. Its been a long time since I stopped asking my ex as we agreed to sort things like that between ourselves.

    You have ask yourself is it really worth all this effort and stress? 🙂

     

    Thanks for the reply BlueBirdSue.

     

    I have always seen it like you, hence, never using the system previously.  It is a bonus, but at the moment money is getting tighter for me and she is getting older and she wants more and right now the right contribution does matter, especially if he is working the system.

     

    I also agree I don’t wish to get caught up in there stress of chasing and catching him in the loop hole he is working.  I have got her to 14 years old without much support and on my own.  I even gave him money to set up his business years ago to enable him to support his daughter in the long term.. so it does grate a little as right now she would benefit from him paying towards her needs in line with his income.   If he hadn’t reduced the payment which is less than they said we were entitled to then all would be well as we were living within our means.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register