Overnight stays

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  • #11579 Report

    manu80
    Participant

    Feeling so down, I’m in the process of separating, we have a 17 month old, he doesn’t have a bond like he should with her, he thinks buying her things makes up for not investing his time in her and tonight he says he wants her so stay over some nights at his place.  I’m all for them having a relationship and want him to be in her life but there is no way she is spending a night with him when she is still so little.  He has never put her to bed once.  He is a workaholic and a binge alcoholic, he is actually drunk now, so I shouldn’t take what he says so seriously but it’s so hard, he has messed with my head so much. I’m trying to keep things as amicable as possible, but it’s all a game for him.

    Sorry for the rant, i just get waves of sheer panic when I think of leaving her alone with him.  I can’t even stomach thinking about her birthday or Christmas time…

    Someone please tell me this all gets easier, it feels like this whole situation will never end.

     

    #11748 Report

    NannaJJ
    Participant

    I too have to consider if overnight stays are a good idea .  My 4yr old granddaughter is in my care, her mum has alternate weekends and one week day no overnight stays at all, due to drug and alcohol abuse. But as time goes on and she seems to be controlling her judgement better, I know she will want sleepovers.  I’m scared about her mental health too. She acts in control but can change quickly if she is questioned or I disagree with her. No to her is a red flag so I try to avoid situations. It’s not a new thing apparently she has struggled for many years with these problems, up and down depending on life situations so I can’t trust it’s better she has no professional help or support involved, she does not think there is any problems.  It’s a dilemma do I put my granddaughter at possible risk or can I trust she will be safe?

    #11764 Report

    NannaJJ
    Participant

    Yes I think that is my way forward. I don’t want to take a risk my granddaughter is to precious.  if I could i would have little contact until proof of professional help was under way. Unfortunately it was the court that decided unsupervised contact should be available and put it on the order which I can’t break unless I have good reason.  I don’t have a good enough reason only suspicions.  Yes I will hold out for court thank you

    #11783 Report

    NannaJJ
    Participant

    Nothing concrete. It would be classed as hearsay nothing happens that I can show proof of.  Someone in her family told social services things she witnessed but they did not do anything. The court also want substance to allergations which I can’t prove.  Going to court takes months to arrange unless social get involved or something bad actually happened.

    I sometimes think it would have been better she was adopted that would prevent any contact but also for me too until she’s 18.

    Thank you for your suggestion, it is something I will be able to do, if I do have concrete evidence.

    Many things are emotional done from selfishness.  Hard to explain but may be damaging to her mental health as time goes by.  Nothing is done physically as far as I know nothing ever would, it’s the mental effects I worry about, I do keep close checks best I can do for now.

    #11785 Report

    NannaJJ
    Participant

    I think my mind overthinks possible situations.

    what could happen is not necessarily what will happen.

    #11786 Report

    NannaJJ
    Participant

    Grazia

    I feel for your situation, I know how your mind must be thinking.  I fear for safety too but I realise parents do love thier children and I hold onto the fact they don’t actually want to cause any harm, that they will be responsible for the time they share with thier child and do the right things.  Good luck with your decision, whatever you decide it will be in your child’s best interest and that is all you can do. The Children’s needs must come first.

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