Overall child arrangement advice needed!

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Ellie27.
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  • #15680 Report

    Ellie27
    Participant

    Hi all! I really just wanted a bit of advice to make sure I am being fair. After the dad of our son being difficult with arrangements (not showing, changing weekends etc) I decided mediation was our best step. The dad has a history of becoming quite agitated in the past and belittling of me, when our son arrived as we were separated and lived far apart I let him stay in my home when visiting which I put a stop to due to him going back to his old ways and not controling it in front of our baby. In one agitated state he took our son  out of the house without a changing  bag or food for nearly 2 hours and another occasion he got in the passenger seat of his dad’s  car with our son on his lap whilst his Dad drove off , all be it just down the road I still find it a HUGE concern. At mediation, dad said he would be coming once a month and staying in a hotel and would want him for 8hrs each day. ( I had concerns with our son only being 6 months and not really recongising who his dad is) but as the mediator thought it seemed fair I didn’t want to disagree. I thought it was best for dad to pick baby up from either my house or one of 2 close relatives to have some time handing over and making sure baby was comfortable before going out for the day. Dad refused outright and had to be compromised to a cafe. Last weekend was the first exchange since the mediation, our son was very upset when handed to dad and there was no attempt of pacifying. Dad’s mother then turned up at the handover. I calmed our son down again and asked dad to try take him again, son got himself even more upset. ( I know this is a natural feeling for a baby but I know his cries and I have only ever heard this cry when he has been around his dad in an aggitated state) he is a very happy baby normally loves everyone he meets. I said to him let’s just let him settle a bit first before he leaves to which father passed our son to his mum to put in the pram, they were both strapping him in whilst he was clearly distressed and unsure of the situation..I was near enough begging to let him be a bit more settled before leaving to which they both hissed baby’s cry and get use to it, they took him off and I got quite upset and felt helpless. After this handover I seeked advice from child law advice who said that it was wrong and adviced the next day and going forward to arrange meetings from my house with support there and see from my son’s reaction after spending a bit of time with dad about going out from the day and building it up slowly as dad has only chosen to see him once a month and therefore needs to understand a relationship needs to be built up slowly. His dad refused this and said he wouldn’t be happy doing that so he expected me at the cafe same times the next day otherwise he will take me to court. I did not show so am now waiting to go to court I guess? I have never had a problem with dad seeing our son and have never indicated otherwise. I feel like I have compromised alot and this is the first time I am putting my foot down with having handover in a familiar place to our son due to his distress. This has left me wondering really what basis will he be taking me to court on? I have retracted what was agreed at mediation as I don’t feel it’s in the best interest of our son. Again, I really want a good relationship for our baby and his dad I just want it all to be done in the right manner and with minimum stress impact to our son. Sorry for a long winded essay!

    Many thanks

    #15686 Report

    Ellie27
    Participant

    4 hours and baby is 6 months

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