Other parent trying to turn children against you.

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by Akay.
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  • #64173 Report

    Elizamabel
    Participant

    Does anyone have any experience if this? I am newly separated – helplines aren’t open for a week and would like some advice. Feeling stressed. Thanks x

    #64180 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    So sorry to hear your going through this. I can’t give you a quick fix but from personal experiences you need to be the bigger person, although it’s hard to do. My ex has started to argue infront of our son, make snide comments to him about me and constantly blame me for his actions. These are affecting our son and he knows dad doesn’t like me sometimes but he also knows I’m always nice to his dad, willing to have him involved etc. I wasn’t able to express my own emotions and feelings as I grew up so my aim is for my son to know I’m his safe space and he can talk to me about anything, so far this is working, although I know he does withhold some things due to fear of hurting me, bare in mind he’s only 4 years old. Ive tried many things over the years to combat this but honestly nothing worked and anything I done to address it was threw back in my face. I now only do what’s right for my son, if he’s happy then so am I. I would love to say it gets better, but that’s not always true, just continue to be the best mum you can be and your children will see the truth. Xx

    #64206 Report

    Elizamabel
    Participant

    Thank you Akay for sharing your experiences – that has really helped me to be sure that I’m handling things the right way. I spent most of last night reading about “parental alienation” and scaring myself – but I have made it very clear to my ex that this sort of behaviour cannot continue. My eldest 2 didn’t want to see him yesterday as the were so upset by what he had said about me. My youngest (4) is the one I am most concerned about as obviously she is more easy to manipulate. I am going to have to trust that it won’t happen again and monitor the situation as contact goes on (very new split – only 3 weeks). He has apologised to the children for his behaviour so that has to be a positive?!

    #64217 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    I know every situation is different but in 3 year down the line, and although major outbursts have calmed down, the sly and sneaky comments continue. I’ve tried all sorts of approaches to it and none worked, when I confronted him or argued, he always twisted my words and used them against me. When I denied visits or contact due to his behaviour, again he used against me and blamed him not doing things was my fault, when infact he had no intention of involving our son. That’s when I realised I had to be one step ahead of him at all times, although it’s hard I involve him as much as possible, advising him or decisions made or arrangements for things, which he rarely responds too. I contact as much through messages to keep a paper trail, although he prefers calling because he knows there’s no evidence of what he’s said to me. However these are helpful when he does things wrong and tries to blame me, I always have the messages confirming my contact to him and his ignorance to it. I do find doing this hard at times, as he doesn’t involve me in anything that he does with him, as feels I’m checking up on him. I simply try to continually reasure our son that I’m always there and he can talk to me when he needs too, and make sure I never argue back infront of him. It’s seemed to work so far as he sees me as his safe place, and knows how daddy feels about mummy but knows mummy does the right thing. My ex is like jekyl and hide, blows off on one then calls to apologise later on, it’s so predictable now. Hope you find a way to deal with this xx

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