Other parent more of a friend than parent

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  • #35896 Report

    Tickle2
    Participant

    So I seperate from my abusive ex 8 months ago, he has ongoing prescription drug issues, is unable to properly look after himself is living in squalar, because of this I’ve been limiting access to supervised for 3 hrs a week,. In my home (uve offered access Centre, soft play and the library all of which he’s declined) , every Saturday, he turns up late, filthy, unwashed everytime and plays on his phone with out son for almost the whole time. There’s no talking or real Interaction And according to my ex this is the perfect close time With our son, but theres no parenting at all, if he falls, while the other parent is here It’s me who goes to soothe him etc.. I’m doing everything amd he’s merely popping in a couple. For hours a week to play. I should point out he’s never made a bottle, changed a nappy, had a sleep over nothing and put child it almost 5,And today he’s had the gaup to tell me he knows our son better than me, he understands his feelings more than I could ever.  I’ve been to my first mediation app that Iade this week, she doesn’t see a way forward if he isn’t prepared to help himself. What am I supposed to do, I’m not tecieveong any support from him, I’m doing everything and yet he gets to ride in once a week play leave a mess and go off to his boostful Bubble about how aweesome a father he is, I’m doing my best and yet I’m the one being told. I don’t knwo my son.. Sorry to ramble I just feel lost

    #35897 Report

    EmmaJ84
    Participant

    First off, why are you letting this guy call all the shots? Do you want him in your home? I suspect the answer is no! Think about how you want this to work, and what will be best for your child. Personally I would insist on him having his visits in a contact centre. If he doesn’t like it then that’s his problem.

    As for what he says, just ignore him. You know the truth, let him say and think whatever he likes. It really doesnt matter.

    #35920 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    My ex doesn’t turn up dirty but he doesn’t parent either. He won’t use an access centre or take our son out anywhere. He expects a clean, freshly ironed child, they watch tv for a couple of hours while ex drinks my coffee, then he goes home. The alternative is he won’t see son at all, and son loves his dad.

    So I just regard my ex as free childcare. I can go shoe shopping or meet up with a friend for a couple of hours He contributes nothing so he gets no say in any decisions.

    Ignore his boasting. It’s irrelevant. Children aren’t daft, they know who is there for them when they are upset or lonely or ill. I haven’t been rude about my ex in front of my son once. Recently son (11) said “Dad’s pretty hopeless isn’t he” and gave me a hug. He hasn’t mentioned it since but he knows.

     

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