One hell of a mess

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  • #45076 Report


    I have been seperated from my partner for 3 months now, we actually broke up in july last year but due to a house sale and covid we only actually parted this year, we have 2 children, a boy 13 and a girl 8.

    I’m renting a new home and have moved my new partner in, now the thing is my ex has used the time prior to us moving a part to basically posion my children against my new partner, so now the children are refusing to stay with me.

    There’s nothing legal in place, I’m asking the children to stay with me a lot but they are adamant they don’t want to if my new partner is there, I’m at a loss of what to do. Obviously I’m not going to force my children to stay as I don’t want to distress them, that’s the last thing I’d ever want, so do I just ride it out like this until they decide they want to stop over?

    I asked my ex to go to mediation, I had the first appointment but she has refused to go, so I’m unsure what to do, is there anyone I can go to this? should I take my children so a counsellor so we can work through this?

    I’m just totally lost.


    #45078 Report


    Its best when you see children that for a while your partner isnt present. They probably see that you only just left family home and already you have a new partner  and moved her in to your new home.  Its early days for your new relationship and maybe further down line both your children will accept you have a new partner and start staying whilst she is there.

    #45084 Report


    It’s a bit too quick to expect your children to cope with a new partner. Most guidance says between 12& 18 months.


    your kids are little, they have a lot to cope with at the moment. Right now they need stability and all your attention, not a new partner to deal with. If your partner is kind she’ll understand and find a way to not be around while you see your kids.

    #45089 Report


    Separation is really hard on children especially when there is a new partner involved,as your children being young they are gona be really confused atm,mediation won’t work as the first thing they will say to you is be sensitive with new partners around your children and keep your personal life separate from the kids for at least 12 months,but this never happens,usually one partner moves on starts a new happy perfect relationship but forgets that kids do have feelings,you need to spend time with your kids without your partner and build it from there

    #45090 Report


    Just remember your kids are gona be in two minds atm one they are seeing you happy and moved on and two obviously there mum may be upset,don’t always presume your ex is poisoning them because that isn’t always the case,imagine if your EX moved on first and you didn’t the kids would probably do the same towards her.

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