On the verge of becoming a single parent

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Marija1 3 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #28138 Report

    Marija1
    Participant

    hi, so l just wanted to share my story with someone and maybe l am looking for support or advice. Or just someone who could listen to me. Me and my partner have an 8month old boy. Our relationship wasn’t good. We’ve been together for 6 years and l have always thought he has an addiction. He never admitted it (a few times when l cornered him) but he always has an excuse; that other people drink more etc. He’s been trying hard after l said l was pregnant, etc. He is a good dad l’d say but he still struggles with drinking (from my perspective). So, this morning l caught him with drugs. I was shaking with anger. I told him either he goes and gets help or we are gone. As much as l’d like to think that he will get help l know it might not happen and l cannot live like this; it breaks my heart when l think that our boy feels something is off. He’s really little but he understands… l was getting gas today and he was looking over his shoulder to the drivers seat clearly looking for his dad. My partner supports us while l am talking care of our boy now. I don’t have family here. I know l need a job if l become a single parent. How do you guys cope with everything?

    #28143 Report

    Nick35
    Participant

    Hi there

    So sorry you are going through such a hard time. Word of advice: i’ve been in a marriage for 7 years and i knew things weren’t always great but somehow i have always came up with an excuse for my husband’s behaviour to the point i was blaming myself mainly because he was making me believe it was my fault. First time when he left me our son was 9 months old. All i can say is that i shouldn’t have let him come back. 2 years after that i got pregnant with second baby and it was even worse. And another 3 years after we are separated. Great dad, shit husband! That is all i can say!

    I don’t regret giving him so many chances but what i do regret is not being more in control of my own decisions. I allowed him to control over me and it has destroyed all that i ever was (  a kind, peaceful person with dreams and aspirations)

    If you want to move on, now is the time sweet darling! People don’t change, we just learn to accept them. That is my own point of view.  Hope you’ll be ok and no matter what, every problem has a solution ( never forget that)

    It took me 7 years to realise that we are better off separated than being together. Look after yourself and the baby and things will sort themselves out, one way or another. Just make sure that you are the one who takes the decision and no one else( that’s the only way you can take control over your own life)

    #28153 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I left my ex because of his excessive drinking. There is nothing you can do, and it will get progressively worse.

    Your son will cope much better if you split now while he is tiny, than if you leave when he’s in primary school.

    My son was 2 and now can’t remember ever living with his dad. He sees his dad’s weekly visits as the norm and is completely relaxed about it.

    As for coping, I found it less stressful. No more dealing with hangovers, walking on egg shells, trying to prevent my son seeing his dad in that state. And a consistent income, even if it is less.  You’ll be fine

    #28481 Report

    SarahJT
    Participant

    Hi really think you should leave this situation. I left a really difficult situation in the past. There are plenty of benefits in this country- and they are tax free. I have quite a good job but it is really only worth working part time, with the bonus you get to spend time with the little one. Good luck

    #28483 Report

    Marija1
    Participant

    Hi all, thank you for sharing 🙏 my partner is willing to do therapy for addicts so l am willing to give him a chance. Hope he does what he has to for his family:) Anyways, l am not as scared if l will have to become a single parent after all. Many people do it so can l. Hope l don’t have to but l am not afraid anymore; l am sure l can accept it if it happens. Thanks again for everyone’s insights🌷

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