On my way out…

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  • #30709 Report

    Twistedsista
    Participant

    first time posting here and I’m not really sure where to start.

    Key facts: my husband and I have been together 11 years and married for 4. I’ve recently realised that he uses coercive control to get what he wants, sulks when he doesn’t get his own way, gives me the silent treatment if I go out and puts me down. He takes pleasure in making me feel awkward he has since threatened to take my son away all of which points to abusive behaviour. I know that I need to leave the situation but I’m scared, not only of him making things even harder for me but also where to turn to to get some help. I work full time and my 2yr old goes to nursery full time but I can’t afford housing and his care and everything myself

    I am scared that if I leave then he will make sure that I struggle to have the money to live or make it hard for me to see my son. I wanted to be reasonable at the start and do 50/50 access but I don’t know if we will ever get to that point.

     

    I am not looking for legal advice as this is not the place but just of women who have left the family home for a similar reason? I’m just interested in other people’s experiences.

     

    Thanks

    #30712 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hi,

    Sorry but I’m not a woman nor been through this but I do know of folk that have been through it.

    If you do want practical advice the phone this helpline:

    National domestic violence helpline 0808 2000 247

    The woman’s aid website is also worth checking out.

    You can escape from this situation and be happy again.

    Mark

    #30719 Report

    Imaani
    Participant

    Evening,

    I’m ever so Sorry to here that you are going through this abusive situation.  I was in a similar sitution, but I had no idea initially.  I thought my then husband was just old school, and wanted me to raise children, whilst he took care of everything else.  He wouldn’t support me in wanting to earn my own graft, study of even pay a bill.  “Sounds like an easy life, right?” WRONG. He would also guilt trip me to not leave him if I wanted to socialise and visit my family in London (I’m in Northamptonshire, having moved up here 2007).

    I had no idea I was in an abusive relationship until he cut off my phone, car insurance etc… (Which were joint whilst I was healing from an operation, out of the home as the environment became hostile), and a teacher called me up (after I us dropped my children to school, poorly and all, to inform them I no longer have a phone, because he cut it off, and I’m going to be healing in London with my family), and stated to me, that I was in an abusive relationship and advised me to call Victim Support (Victimsupport.org.uk), and though it was a suprise, it really did help, and I also attended the Freedom Programme (Domestic Abuse programme run by Womens Aid), and that’s when it all made sense about what abuse was, as it’s not just physical like I thought. Please get in touch with Victim Support or Womens Aid. I managed to get an non- molestation injunction (without him attending court), and an order was made that I stay in the house because I had dependants. Whatever you do Do Not Leave The Home, as you would be making yourself and child Intentionally homeless, and if you required social housing, you would not get it. Try not to worry, there is hope and help out here and you are not alone. Good Luck.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by Imaani.
    #30981 Report

    CarolWales
    Participant

    Hi

    I was in a similar situation with my abusive husband. I worried about money endlessly and knew he would make it difficult, whether he meant to or not. He moved out in January, I agree with the above, do not move out of the marital house. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t get out of the relationship. I felt a huge weight lift as soon as I ended things with my husband and that is worth so much more than the money we now don’t have. It is hard, but I get Universal Credit and every month nothing breaks it gets a little bit easier. Do what is right for you, your son will benefit endlessly from you being happy.

    Is there any reason that you think your husband might be able to keep you from seeing your son? That’s not an easy thing to do, unless there is concern over his safety.

    All the best, it’ll get better.

    C

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