Older Single Dads.

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  • #56443 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’ve just joined the group today. I’m 54 with 18 month old twin boys as the 100% of the time father, I’ve been on my own with them since last August and I’m just starting to surface a little. Reaching out for any in a similar position?

    #56450 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    57, two daughters 14/12 – I think I qualify!

    #56454 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    Sure does sound like it, have you had them since they were babies?

    #56455 Report

    plogermans
    Participant

    66 with one of each, 21 and 40, beat that LOL! I definitely qualify! It’s great fun watching them grow up so enjoy it. It can be hard work too on your own doing everything that ideally would be shared by both parents. Try to make some time for yourself, not easy with little ones i know, but perhaps a relative could help or a creche or playgroup even if just for an hour to have a coffee/tea or a pint as you will need a break and it’s good for the children too. Good luck.

     

    #56456 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    As a couple, but I was working from home from 2009, then alone 2012-14, tried again then alone 2017 onwards… Tried the 50/50 thing but ex moved to Ireland 2018.
    you?

    #56459 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    We had the lads as a couple in Jan 20′ and split in the July 20′ with my ex taking the lads with her, its a long story but in the August I was granted a Police recovery order to have the lads returned home to me and be in my care, they’ve been with me ever since. Like I said in my earlier posting its been a tough few months and I’m starting to surface a bit now, been back working since November last year, childcare has been tough but it seems to have sorted itself out now and things have levelled off thankfully. She’s not seen the lads since September last year. I have support from my parents but as you can imagine with me at 54 they’re well into their 70’s now…

    #56460 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    Some real good advice there thanks, I’ve tried to start doing it a little more now, just a bit of time having a cuppa tea in a cafe to chill down a little. I love my lads as we all love our children but 18 month old twin lads are what I can call ‘all consuming’ its just the volume of work involved and amount of attention they need. I run my own business, own a house which needs work on it so the whole week is pretty much taken up. I’m told it gets easier as they grow up but so far its just got harder with each week that’s gone by. Folk say I’m doing well but I feel exhausted by it all if honest. Just gotta keep going though, one day at a time.

    #56462 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    when they are 2, I think you can get 20hrs free childcare, might take a bit of pressure off your parents and they will socialise with others of the same age. If you are on Universal Credit you can claim back 85% of child care costs.

    Does she pay you maintenance? It works both ways, all you have to do is contact CMS, they do the rest other than fill in 1 form. Do it sooner than later as they do not back date it. Why should she not help support them? It does not give her any access or rights over the children, tell them that you want them to collect the payments if you know she won’t pay, they take it directly from her wages.

    #56463 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    Yeah thanks for the reply, I’m on the case with it regards the UC and the CMS and filled a claim out with them a week or two ago. She’s been in and out of HMP since Sept, think I’ve had maybe £150 in nearly 11 months. I’ve left it with the CMS people and they were happy to take on fully supported claim as theres various Non mols and Restraining orders in place. God knows how its all going to end, back in Family Court later this year so we’ll hopefully get some kind of closure, no idea when she’s coming out though. Its been a tough 12 months all told.

    #56466 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    It will settle down no doubt! I promised to protect my children, little did I think it would be from their mother! Sounds like you are still fighting the good fight!

    #56467 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    I said exactly the same thing when I held the lads as they were born and like you I had no idea it’d end up like this. Gotta say that the agencies involved along with the Police and Family Courts have been superb. I was surprised how supportive they were of single dads.

    I think its the sustainability of the situation that worries me mostly, how are the lads going to feel about having a dad in his late 60’s with no mum in sight when they’re in secondary school. Kids can be cruel can’t they eh….

    #56468 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    I can honestly say that the kids have never been teased about my age, got a few looks waiting outside the primary school when collecting them from some of the mums but they soon got used to me and I didn’t give a toss what they thought anyway!
    Just don’t try to run in the dads race on sports day 🥴

    #56469 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    Loads of kids have single parents these days, don’t stress about it, you’ll be fine!

    #56470 Report

    singledad0101
    Participant

    I had the ‘are they your grandchildren’ twice at the weekend, I’m thinking thats prompted the thoughts more than anything, mainly I’m like you and couldn’t give a rats what people think. We did the right thing at the right time for the right people in our lives and thats what matters.

    I’ll def leave the dads race at the sports day well alone! A good call there.:-)

    #56472 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    I had that once when they were little and you are 100% right. 18 months onwards, they are developing their characters, it can be challenging just bomb proof the place, if there is trouble to get into they will find it! Some DVDs of in my day Baby Einstein and Balamory etc helped, plonk them in front of that for a while to get some jobs done!

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