Older parent group

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  • #14162 Report

    shirls
    Participant

    Hi there,

    Hopefully someone will link us up?!

    Your situation sounds much like mine, except that I only have 2 daughters. The youngest was 8 months old when it all fell apart. I then spent the next 4 years being dragged through the courts whilst I also provided full time care for our children. I was advised that spousal maintenance was hard to get, however as my girls were both young I was awarded this. Nevertheless I did have to provide an up to date cv for court, agree that I would seek work that fitted around my child care commitments, and had to put up with being portrayed as a leech (you learn to let a lot pass over your head in court).

    My feeling is that divorced carers/mothers with children are treated unfairly and harshly. The government should either provide free  childcare to enable both parents to be on an equal footing, in the job market, and if this is too expensive they should pass legislation to ensure that separated primary earners pay an appropriate amount for child care to the primary career (as well as living expenses for the children) rather than allowing one parent (mostly fathers) to get it for free at the expense of  the parent with care (that sadly is mostly mothers).

    Like you I need to get back to work. For my own sanity as well as Well as financial pressures.  I found that there are some courses offered by gingerbread. So that’s worth a look. I also did a WEA(?) course at my local primary school – one way into teaching assistant / early years care. This was an interesting course, but ultimately not a route I wanted to go down. I spend too much time with children already … I now think My future lies in becoming self employed. Much depends on skills, resources, flexibility.

    How ever I agree with you – that it is an unrealistic expectation, and of course if you do work 35 hours, you will have to fund some childcare and hire a housekeeper! 😀

    Happy to chat with you further. Message me if you wish.

    All the best 🌈

     

     

     

     

    #14164 Report

    Enna80
    Participant

    I’m 38 year old parent to a four month old, suddenly feeling very alone I’d defintely be interested

    #14165 Report

    shirls
    Participant

    Hi Enna,

    You are not alone. I’m willing to bet we’ve all felt just as you do. I’m not sure how the group thing works?!!!!! Maybe we all just keep chatting to each other?

    Shirls 🙂

    #14166 Report

    Enna80
    Participant

    Hi Shirls, yes we’ll just have to turn this thread into our oldies group 😂 I haven’t got a clue how any of this works, I only use Facebook and shopping online (used to be Next -it’s Asda these days although they do some great stuff!)

    #14169 Report

    parenting42
    Participant

    Hi shirks,

    I wrote the below message in the forum just a day ago  I’m not sure if you saw it

    it sounds very similar to your situation. I have also been dragged on through the courts for nearly four years. I am just about to start the finances. So another year to go yet. It sounds as though you know how the courts work for the fincances? I will message you as there are a few questions that you may be able to answer. X

    I am completely new to this website.

    I am a single mum of four girls. I’m going through a very heavy divorce at the moment. In actual fact it has taken 3 and a half years, four years in December. My children have sadly been dragged through so much in the last four years bless them. We have all had councilling for the past 2 years. The girls father has been abusive in all directions towards myself and my children. It has been a struggle to keep them safe but finally we are coming to an end. I have a three day trial court order in January 2019. This is all just to do with the children’s arrangements. I have the finances to deal with too yet. That will be another chapter. I have another court order in place in December. So four court hearings in total. Since October 2016 I have been to court about 5 times. My ex husband has been playing devious games with me through my children. It’s been an amazing struggle. Having to deal with a psychotic narcissist is not easy. I only have my freinds to rely on, freinds that are with their lovely hubbies. They have been so supportive. I have only just been opened out this year about my situation to my. It has helped a lot talking to them. But they don’t fully understand my situation. I don’t have family around at all. I’m completely on my own.

    I suffer with anxieties and get very lonely.

    It would be good to chat with other single parents just for support. Perhaps there are other parents that can empathise a similar situation?? If so it would be really lovely to hear from you.

    I am completely new to this website.

    I am a single mum of four girls. I’m going through a very heavy divorce at the moment. In actual fact it has taken 3 and a half years, four years in December. My children have sadly been dragged through so much in the last four years bless them. We have all had councilling for the past 2 years. The girls father has been abusive in all directions towards myself and my children. It has been a struggle to keep them safe but finally we are coming to an end. I have a three day trial court order in January 2019. This is all just to do with the children’s arrangements. I have the finances to deal with too yet. That will be another chapter. I have another court order in place in December. So four court hearings in total. Since October 2016 I have been to court about 5 times. My ex husband has been playing devious games with me through my children. It’s been an amazing struggle. Having to deal with a psychotic narcissist is not easy. I only have my freinds to rely on, freinds that are with their lovely hubbies. They have been so supportive. I have only just been opened out this year about my situation to my. It has helped a lot talking to them. But they don’t fully understand my situation. I don’t have family around at all. I’m completely on my own.

    I suffer with anxieties and get very lonely.

    It would be good to chat with other single parents just for support. Perhaps there are other parents that can empathise a similar situation?? If so it would be really lovely to hear from you.

     

    #14170 Report

    parenting42
    Participant

    Hi enna

    good to hear from you. Join us and ask or just chat away. X

    #14171 Report

    parenting42
    Participant

    Shirls not shirks. Sorry, it was autocorrection

    #14174 Report

    Jiya
    Participant

    Hi im new on here but im interested too in this group .

    so count me in too x

     

    #14176 Report

    Clair73
    Participant

    Hi!

    I’m also a newbie here, I would also like to join the ‘overs’ group please. I’m a 45 year old single mum, with two daughters aged 12 & 15.

     

    #14177 Report

    DeniseO
    Participant

    I’m new to the site and a 54 year old mum of 14 year old son so I’m interested

    #14185 Report

    parenting42
    Participant

    Hi Anonymous,

    thank you for your advice. Unfortunately I live in an area where the universal credits does not cover. I am claiming the old style JSA.

    I need to stay on with Legal Aid, it’s too much to handle if I was to represent the four court hearings by myself. It wouldn’t be advisable to stop my solicitor who have fought for me since December 2014.

    I am confused with how I am suppose to move forward with the finances. I tried mediation with my ex (being in different rooms) but it was a breakdown. My ex doesn’t want me to move from our marital home and did not disclose his full finance documents. So now my solicitor is forcing this issue to go to court. I’m not sure what to expect or what exactly I need to do. My proposal is I want to move, somewhere close to where my eldest daughters secondary school is.

    Unfortunately, I don’t work at the moment. I haven’t worked because I have been needing Legal aid. I’m in such a complex situation.

    my ex, hasn’t lived here since December 2014. He was asked to leave by the social services and the police so that myself and my children could move back in. Since then, he has not taken even a single shirt. Throughout the years I have been placing his belongings in the loft or in the garage. So the loft is full of his stuff. Also the garage is rammed with his stuff. Im not allowed to change locks because he still has his name on the mortgage. He even still sends his post here.

    However, he does pay the mortgage, the bills and child maintenance. Only now I want and need freedom from him. This house is spooky with bad memories. I found guns and porn that belonged to him (which have been removed by the police a couple of years ago) in the loft. So this house is full of Nasty memories and god knows what ever is hiding. I wish to move away and start fresh.

    Xx

     

     

    #14191 Report

    fipple
    Participant

    How about 50 ;)….son 17yrs old daughter 15..

    I’d be interested!

    #14194 Report

    fipple
    Participant

    Hi there

     

    You got me at “gun” & “porn”..;)….what an odd combo!

     

    Bless you, genuinely!…it sounds quite a nightmare youve been through and a sort of limbo,being in the home of your ex partner/husband..

     

    Any advice garnered on gingerbread or from users here is a welcome gem!  Its comforting to know others in the same or similar situation’ can be of some form of  comfort.

    Any time you need or feel a chat coming on….just message anytime…it can at least take my mind off my present dilemmas ..

     

    #14198 Report

    Enna80
    Participant

    Singleparentoffour

    i don’t know if this would help, but  have you decorated the house at all since your ex was made to leave? I’m trying to think of ways to make your home feel different, as you said it has bad memories but can’t move yet. Also daft as it sounds, the glade diffusers may help – I associate scents with memories so switching things up might make a difference? I hope you don’t find my suggestion rude,  I’m living in a house that was renovated by my ex so I switched all the colours and even put throws on the sofa, just to mark the place as ‘mine’ x

    #14199 Report

    Vickylc
    Participant

    Hello, please count me in. I am a 46 year old mum of two (aged 4 and 9) just going through a separation so would really value the support. 😟

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 180 total)

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