Not wanting to be a single mum anymore!

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Zoe G 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #23160 Report

    Zoe G
    Participant

    I am a single mum to 2 boys. I have a amazing partner but we live apart ( not the dad). I’ve always been proud of doing the parenting thing on my own and have always coped well and given my children lots of opportunities and experiences.

    However, I’ve recently thought that actually it’s sooo hard on my own and would like to share the highs and lows more.

     

    Someone tell me this is a blip and it will get easier again.!!!

    #23161 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    Have you discussed this with your partner?  Are they wanting to become more involved?

    #23162 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    It will always be hard when it’s just you and your children but there are days when we are lonely and down in the dumps and envious of couples we see in the supermarket or in the park .

    I have been on my own for 5 years now and like you i get lonely and nostalgic so I distract myself . Mine is a magnum ice cream and painting my toenails  which I consume/,paint when my daughter is in bed or getting a cheapo beauty treatment

    Your children need order and stability in their lives and.they will thank you for this . I could have let my ex back but I wanted my child to have a normal up bringing not chaos and madness  and me letting my guard down.

    As a couple we traveled everywhere and went to.the theatre but although I feel lonely and it’s the days I’m not doing much it passes the next day .

    I suggest go and get yourself pampered . I live near a hair and beauty salon who train their students there and I always feel a million dollars after being pampered for a few hours for a couple of quid . Take care and look after yourself 

    #23165 Report

    Zoe G
    Participant

    Hi

    for various reasons neither of us can move so we have alternate weekends and holidays. He is very devoted to his own children as well.  We’ve talked about living together when the children have left… 9 years to go!!

    #23166 Report

    Zoe G
    Participant

    Pampering always help, as does a glass of wine!! I love my boys but I think it’s having to be mum and dad that’s exhausting .  Thanks for your support .

    #23177 Report

    Lu
    Participant

    Zoe how do you know it only 9 years?! It could be forever!! I hate being a single mum, but i dont trust anyone.

    #23179 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Hi Zoe

    The last man that I lived with was my fiance with our baby…12 years ago. I left him and moved back to my hometown with my son.

    I’ve been in 2 relationships in this time the longest lasting 3 years. The main reason for each one not lasting was because there was no future there. Both didn’t want the commitment of living together and would give the long list of why it would be difficult to do so. So now I’ve kind of given up. It might work for some living seperately. I know a couple who have been married over 30 years and always had their own houses…and two kids! 😀 I get through the days with a good routine and my simple part time job and I try and chat with people when I can. I’m waiting to start studying accountancy so I will be able to support me and my son better.

    Anyways I’m rambling now, if you want to wait then that’s great. Most people wait their whole life and not meet anyone. But you have someone who you adore. So when you are together make it count. And when you’re just take the best care of yourself. 😀

    #23183 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    There is a distinction between putting effort in and putting life on hold.  You tend to find after a bad experience you can be very untrusting as Lu has said but when you do find someone afterwards there can be the tendency to think it’s a unique opportunity and either make compromises that you normally wouldn’t, or tolerate things you normally wouldn’t…placing life on hold either waiting for things to happen or considering yourself lucky to have found something again.  In my case it was finding something with someone else again and working too hard to try to sustain it or regain it once the other person had given up for fear of losing something good a second time.  In doing so I will have passed by many other opportunities and others who would have been more deserving of that time and effort and trust too….

    By all means put effort in but if you know deep down what you want don’t settle… And don’t put your life on hold for something that may never happen as some things simply are transient.  To try to hold on to them instead of accepting that prevents you from seeing what is present now and could have a potential future.

    Hope you find what you’re looking for.

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  welshdad.
    #23198 Report

    Zoe G
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts… this is the first time I’ve posted but you’ve all been kind and supportive.

    Thank you

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