Not the dad – help
14 October 2018 at 5:34 pm #16844
Hi everyone. Hoping I can get some advice. I’ve recently separated from my wife as I thought something was going on. She denies it but its all a bit odd. I’ve suspected things for a long time. We have a 5 year old daughter. I’ve done a DNA test and I am not the biological father, obviously I am on the birth certificate as I wasn’t aware at the time. I have confronted my wife who says it was a one night stand with a stranger. I believe my daughter has the right to know who her father is, BUT, because of the circumstances I have agreed with my wife to keep this secret from everyone. Now things are getting a little nasty. Can she stop me from seeing my daughter (currently 50/50) as I am not her biological father, or am I legally entitled to be her father as I am on the birth certificate. Can my wife “come clean” and remove me? I am scared to death of this situation, not just for myself but my wider family – my parents, sisters etc who all love my little girl to bits.14 October 2018 at 7:45 pm #16848
You do not have to be the biological parent to love a child
I would not take any notice of your wife because she thinks that she holding the trump card. The only person who will suffer is your daughter. Why does you daughter need to know who her father is if her mother doesn’t even know herself?
It is not down to you to tell her because she sees you as her father and her world ! By what you have written you adore your little girl. Your wife will need to go to get legal advice if she doesnt want you involved and the fact that she lied on the birth certificate will probably not help her if it goes to court. She will have to explain why she lied. You are the one who has been lied to and the fact that you contributed towards bringing up the child will hopefully help you . Don’t worry your wife will realise how expensive school shoes are!14 October 2018 at 9:05 pm #16852
Hello Sherima. Thank you for your reply. I do adore her she is literally my world and this is why I’m so worried that my wife may be able to stop me seeing her. I don’t think she would but…. I totally agree about the father thing. i just thought she should know who her father was if my wife knew. But seeing as she doesn’t (she says) then fine, we don’t need to tell. Thanks again.14 October 2018 at 9:36 pm #16856
I’m pretty certain that she COULD go to court to get you removed if the paternity test shows that you arent the dad BUT…
I seriously wouldn’t worry about it because…
* thats going to cost an arm, a leg and then some so unless she’s rolling in it…
* she’s going to ruin her reputation (if she has one) as it will be mightily embarassing for her
* you are her only hope of getting any mainenance payments from anyone UNLESS she knows the “real” dad and he WANTS to be on the certificate AND pay maintenance. “real” in inverted commas because you’re the one who has raised her and she’s looked up to so… say no more.
*if the “real” dad knows about her he clearly has no intention of taking any responsability.
*even if he doesn’t know and then IF she tells him he DOES want to take responsability, it is going to take years to get your name off the certificate and his on (I’m not even sure that’s possible) so that’s going to be YEARS and YEARS she’s going without maintenance… not a good move.
*IF she does do this to you and her daughter finds out… your daughter is going to grow up knowing what a deceitful mother she has and also realise that her mother never had her best interest at heart, only her own.
Telling your daughter will only cause her distress. You’ve done nothing wrong… let your ex wife break her heart if she must… but then your ex wife will have to deal with how she then sees her. Yes, it is important to be honest with your children but now what is done is done if I were your ex wife and in her position there’s NOTHING that would make me do this to my ex partner. It’s pure insanity if she wants her daughter to have any respect for her… which most mothers do.14 October 2018 at 9:37 pm #16857
Good luck , you sound lovely and I wish you well.. your daughter will be proud of you! Your wife sounds like a user ..she should have come clean when she she fell pregnant for this random bloke !15 October 2018 at 11:47 am #16869
Thank you for your reply.