Not sure how to cope

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  • #61583 Report



    My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4, and have three children together, aged 6, 5 and 1. He’s never been much of a talker, and when he’s angry or upset he generally stonewall’s me.

    We’ve had many issues over the past over lack of communication and got through a really rough patch in 2018/19, but things never really got resolved. It was just me apologising in order to get things back to normal. He works all of the time, and makes very little time for our marriage – we’ve never celebrated our anniversary, and he makes no effort to do things together. When he’s not working he does Karate, which he goes to 3 nights a week. He also goes away for Karate events a lot of the time. He’s setting up his own business too, so I never really see him. I try not to make demands of his time, but I am just so lonely – my family don’t keep in touch, and I have no friends. We also lost his Mother last year to Cancer, and I miss her terribly. She was a great source of advice and support for myself and the kids. We’ve never talked about losing her, and he just refuses to open up.

    Last night, after being told he would be away again for work next week – he’s been going away every couple of weeks recently, but never knows how long he will be gone for – I got upset. I’ve been sick with a bad cold and had a poorly baby so I am tired and probably didn’t handle it well. Anyway, I raised my voice when he said he didn’t want the dinner I’d cooked for him – it was 10pm, and he’d just got home from Karate – and he just said I was pathetic and blamed me for him being on antidepressants.

    He slept downstairs, which had become a regular thing. Refused to talk to me last night and this morning said he might talk to me later. I don’t know why he’s being so cold. He wouldn’t give me a hug, but gave me a kiss when he left for work. I am torn as I can’t go through this anymore, and am worried about the kids and what will happen.

    Any advice, even just a chat, would be helpful Sorry for the long post.


    #61634 Report


    Hey, I’m new to this forum and was just looking through the posts and saw this….


    I don’t feel like it’s my place to say what you should or shouldn’t do but wanted to reply to let you know that someone has heard you, someone has listened and someone feels great compassion and sadness for what you are feeling.

    My mother used to tell me that no matter what you are going through, no matter how bad it seems; things will and always do change. In some way or another I suppose what I’m saying is that this feeling right now, your situation,  is not your destined fate for ever.

    Whatever you decide to do I hope it delivers you a better life and happiness than you are living right now.

    Be kind to yourself and take care.

    #61736 Report



    I feel so sad for you.

    I have been in a similar situation, and what I found the hardest thing, was the feeling of helplessness – nothing I seemed to do make the situation better, and anxiety was getting on top of me which made me react in ways that were just not helping.

    The only thing I can say is that please remember that your feelings are valid and that you are deserving of your partner’s time and attention – and so are your children.

    Look after yourself Mama, and know your worth xx

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